Sunday, August 29, 2010

Happy B day AV!!!





Happy bday AV!
hope life treated you well today!!

Saturday, August 28, 2010



This really old guy and this really hot young girl go into a jewelry
store, and the clerk is helping them. The old man says I need a very
special ring for my new girlfriend here. The clerk shows him a $5000
ring, and the guy says more special. So the clerk brings out a $40,000
ring. His girls eyes light up, and the guy said he'd take it. Since it
was Friday evening, and the bank was closed, he would pay by check,
the clerk could verify Monday that the check was good, and he would
pick up the ring Monday afternoon. The guy comes back in Monday, the
clerk angrily tells him that there isn't enough money in the account.
The old guy says "I know, I just came to pick up the check, and tell
you what an awesome weekend I had!"

a man and a monkey walk into a bar...

and the man sits down, and the monkey starts to lose it.
the bartender says, "I'm gonna be blunt, your monkey is going apeshit!"
the guys says "oh he'll be fine"
so the monkey jumps on the pool table, and eats the cue ball.
"Your fucken monkey just ate the cue ball and has ruined my pool table for the night!"
so the guy gives him a 100.00 and leaves with the monkey.
2 weeks later the guy and the monkey come back to the bar.
he hands the bartender the shiny cue ball.
the bartender loses it "get that damn monkey out of here"
the guys says "he is on a leash and on his best behaviour"
the bartender says "okay fine"
so the monkey is sitting on the bar and takes a peanut and sticks it up his ass, and then put it in his mouth and eats it.
the bartender screams "did you just see what he did? he stuck that peanut up his ass and then ate it? man I can't have that in here!"
The guy says "that is a smart monkey! after the cue ball he measures everything"
....

Thursday, August 26, 2010

BEING ASSERTIVE

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled,

"You Can Be THE Man of Your House."

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.

You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm done eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want!

Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

The wife replied,

"The fuckin' funeral director would be my first guess."

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

..............................................?

PUNS WITH A HIGHER QUALITY





Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

A ? is asked...


A little boy goes up to his mom and asks "Mom is it a bad thing to have a penis?"
she replies "Why no darling, why would you think that?"
the little boy then looks confused and says
"Dad is in the bathroom sweating and grunting trying to pull his off..."

a credit to all humankind


This letter was sent to the Lions Bay School Principal's office after
the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors. An elderly lady
received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to
say thank you.

This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward to anyone you know
who might need a lift today


Dear Lions Bay School ,


God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Senior
Citizens luncheon I am 84 years old and live at the West Vancouver
Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone
and I want to thank you for the kindness shown to a forgotten old
lady. My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but before I
received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was
napping.

The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a lot
of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could
listen to mine, and I told her to fuck off.

Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely,

Edna

Monday, August 23, 2010

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.
ONCE YOU'VE READ THIS YOU'LL UNDERSTAND!

A young man learns what's most important in life from the guy next door.
It had been some time s ince Jack had seen the old man. College, girls, career,
and life itself got in the way. In fact, Jack moved clear across the country in
pursuit of his dreams. There, in the rush of his busy life, Jack had little time
to think about the past and often no time to spend with his wife and son.. He
was working on his future, and nothing could stop him.

Over the phone, his mother told him, "Mr. Belser died last night. The funeral is
Wednesday." Memories flashed through his mind like an old newsreel as he sat
quietly remembering his childhood days.

"Jack, did you hear me?"
"Oh, sorry, Mom. Yes, I heard you.. It's been so long since I thought of him.
I'm sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago," Jack said

"Well, he didn't forget you. Every time I saw him he'd ask how you were doing.
He'd reminisce about the many days you spent over 'his side of the fence' as he
put it," Mom told him.

"I loved that old house he lived in," Jack said.
"You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr. Belser stepped in to make sure you
had a man's influence in your life," she said

"He's the one who taught me carpentry," he said. "I wouldn't be in this business
if it weren't for him... He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought
were important...Mom, I'll be there for the funeral," Jack said.

As busy as he was, he kept his word.. Jack caught the next flight to his
hometown. Mr. Belser's funeral was small and uneventful. He had no children of
his own, and most of his relatives had passed away..

The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by to see the
old house next door one more time.

Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment. It was like crossing over
into another dimension, a leap through space and time The house was exactly as
he remembered. Every step held memories. Every picture, every piece of
furniture.....Jack stopped suddenly.

"What's wrong, Jack?" his Mom asked.
"The box is gone," he said
"What box?" Mom asked..
"There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk. I must have
asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he'd ever tell me was 'the thing
I value most,'" Jack said.

It was gone. Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it,
except for the box. He figured someone from the Belser family had taken it.

"Now I'll never know what was so valuable to him," Jack said. "I better get some
sleep. I have an early flight home, Mom."

It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died Returning home from work one
day Jack discovered a note in his mailbox. "Signature required on a package.. No
one at home. Please stop by the main post office within the next three days,"
the note read.

Early the next day Jack retrieved the package. The small box was old and looked
like it had been mailed a hundred years ago. The handwriting was dif ficult to
read, but the return address caught his attention. "Mr. Harold Belser" it read..
Jack took the box out to his car and ripped open the package. There inside was
the gold box and an envelope. Jack's hands shook as he read the note inside.

"Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Jack Bennett. It's
the thing I valued most in my life." A small key was taped to the letter. His
heart racing, as tears filling his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box.. There
inside he found a beautiful gold pocket watch..

Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, he unlatched the
cover.. Inside he found these words engraved:

"Jack, Thanks for your time! -Harold Belser."
"The thing he valued most was...my time"
Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and cleared his
appointments for the next two days. "Why?" Janet, his assistant asked.

"I need some time to spend with my son," he said.
"Oh, by the way, Janet, thanks for your time!"

Think about this. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.
1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3! . A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like
you.
4. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
5. You mean the world to someone.
6. If not for you, someone may not be living.
7. You are special and unique.
8. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably
won't get it, but if you trust God to do what's best, and wait on His time,
sooner or later, you will get it or something better..
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good can still come from
it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most
likely turned your back on the world.
11. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
12. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
13 . Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when
they know and you'll both be happy .
14. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are
great.

To everyone, I love you and THANKS for YOUR time.

**********************************

Some one sent this to me recently with the note attached:
This made me think of you.

it made me cry, to know how loved I am.
***********

to some one reading my blog and you know who you are, read 10.
I just wish that you could see that.
there are so many things I wish for you.
I can't do it for you.
pull your head out of your ass and get back on track.

icky sicky

I am still sick. more later. I hope all of you are well.

Firemen's Revenge

So the IS justice in the universe afterall......

Firemen's Revenge




This is one of the best photos I've seen in years!
I bet the driver won't think he is above the law next time..
I've got one thing to say to the Firefighter who did this ...
that's the attitude I want if my house is on fire!!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

So, it is what it is....

it is what it is.
I went to acupuncture yesterday, 4 needles, that is all. and a fever last night and sick, last night and today.
I am dealing with group and another mandatory. big 'ole mess.
fixed but not really. more for that next week.
I am just hang out sick as hell, dealing with friends and fallout.
life is... eh?...
well I am here and semi okay at least things are moving, in my body.
I am just hanging on for my adventure vacation.
out of town out of my comfort zone .
this will be done.

Monday, August 16, 2010

okay fine...

I have had quite the week.
I am in mind killing pain and I LOST my walker.
I was at the farmers market Saturday, and as we got to the car the bags of zuccinni, start breaking and hitting the ground, smooching into to mush.
as we were dealing with that, we lost track of the walker.
we drove off and left it.
found out the following day that when I was going fabric shopping, NO WALKER!!!
panic and realization, ahhh... That is where I left it.

FUCK!!!!
okay get a hold of the church, that the market was in there parking lot.
get a hold of the people who run the market.
put a lost/found in craigslist.
call the home health care company. call my doctor.
check check and double check...

went to the Urologist *bright side*
talked about things and my last er visit, and my pain level.
he did something about it and will start taking over my concerns so I stay out of the ER. I am also starting PT the end of the month.

also I am going on vacation the first part of September for 4 nights and 5 days. here is where I am going...
http://www.summitlakelodge.com
or click on the title, and it will take you to where I will be going.
I am looking forward to it.
I have books, Christmas presents to make, and sewing to do.

Update my walker was found. the church had it.
went to the acupuncturist, yesterday, I am really sick.
and the vacation, has had 2 more days added to it with another place to stay and some times on the river....
so that is my update. my life has gotten busy, and I am dealing with my pain.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

fine

which I am not. had to go to the ER tonight, more problems below the waist. Monday will be spent going to specialists, If I can get an appt. If not I will be making appts for ASAP.
My monthly meeting for the Embroidery is tomorrow, I will stop by to drop some things off but not to stay. I am far to sick.
stress and my body just being it's lovely self...
see ya all on the flip side.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

My temper...

I got into it today with MM (male mento)
read previous posts.
I gave up on FM due to the fact she went catatonic for 2 days and is a diabetic, with no way for us to get to her.
she said she can't help it. she fixates on something and starts to rock and she is gone.
I know, I used to rock too, and will if I am not careful.
I can't afford to leave and not come back.
she said she wanted to leave town.
FINE!
I want to help but they won't take the help I can give they want what I don't have...
I am at a loss. Just like with my mother.

Now MM, I have been giving him homework, each day and he has been getting slacker and slacker.
fluff answers, mouthing the words.
we are supposed to get together and go over it every night.
he didn't get with me until 10:30pm last night.
(at a certain point in the day I turn into a stuffed cabbage.
all of my mental meds are at night the sleeping pills, pills for pain, antidepressants, anti psychotics and such, 20 minutes from taking my pills and I am stoned.
I would get a DUI if I drove let alone if I could even get to the car.
no stairs no decisions locked in my room like a stuffed cabbage.
this is my time to talk to my stuffed piglet animal and have long strange conversations. that make too much sense since I am the only living thing in the room.
I never claimed to be well strung.)
so I told him it would have to wait until tomorrow.
so it is my fault, that his home work didn't get turned in,
considering he make a half asses attempt to do it...
here is what his home work sheet is:
***
Daily Progress Sheet Name: Date: Day:
1) What was the highlight of my day? How do I feel about it, and why?
2) Why did it happen?
3) What was the worst thing that happened. How do I feel about it, and why?
4) Could I have prevented it, and if so, how?
5) What did I learn today?
6) What am I most grateful for, and why?
***
how hard is that? considering this means his life?
he hasn't looked at treatment, either in or out patient.
he is going to meetings.
he isn't holding up his ends of agreements.
he expects me to come to him and tell him what to do.
we were supposed to clean fridges yesterday. I had a 3:30 pm dr appt.
he could of come to me at 1pm and we could of at least done one.
Nope, and it is my fault.
today same thing at 3pm I call him and ask what are you doing?
thinking about calling me, not calling me...
My Fault again.
You see where this is going I hope.
I wish you didn't.
I said some things, things that I didn't like.
I wasn't mean I was honest.
I gave him back his checks and money and everything and told him 'here You crack head go kill yourself'
10 minutes prior we were trying to talk to him about communication, and blaming me.
"he wasn't going to be talked to like that he was an adult"
FINE!
I gave him his shit back and told him to pack his bags.
***
I asked him later if he was happy with what happened...
I told him that what he was doing wasn't for me, it was for him and didn't he understand this meant his life? he has already lost his job, how much further does it have to go before he gets it?
he gave me some of the stuff I gave him back, and said we would talk tomorrow.
there is no talking only one ?, and how he answers it depends on if I will continue to help him.

I am sick of him fighting me about everything.
this isn't about me this is about him.
I just don't have much left in me.
I have my own things to fight and my own life and problems.

he told me on the way out the door as he was going to a meeting that it felt good for me to call him a crack head, didn't it?
no
it didn't.
when I was contemplating drinking again, some one put a bottle in front of me and told me to drink.
it made me sick.
I wanted the life I have now.
the one I have worked so hard for.

he would of enjoyed rubbing it in someone else's face.
that is the difference.
My heart is breaking for him and what he is throwing away.
and for the loss of our possible friendship.
someone else I love is letting the crack/alcohol/heroin/"insertdrughere" win and take them away from me.
FUCK!!!!!
I was hoping that getting this out would help, all it has done is reduce me to tears.
there is a reason my other half J has no friends.
I see now why, I wish I didn't.
cause the next person that asks me for help might not get it.
time to care about those who matter most to me.
Problem is next stray I see will give me those big eyes and I will forget all the heart break.
FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!
And I get up in the morning for this?
I am already on 2 antidepressants. a 3 will do no good.
helping people is supposed to help you?
do I need to say fuck again?
why am I doing this again.
feel free not to respond to the ?.
I hate that I care.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Meow Meow, and AV


Meow Meow - (2009-) Is my current companion, he only demands food and petting. He doesn't use a credit card, I don't have a telephone, and he walks beside me like a dog when I go to the bar; even then I never have to buy his beer. But he does have a thing about my bed, sorry "our" bed! Oh, why did I call him Meow Meow? Well, I picked him up in the bar, he fitted in one hand and asked him what he was called. He let out two pitiful meows and that was it - Meow Meow!
*****
I was on the computer sending messages to AV when Meow Meow passed.
Meow Meow was poisoned when he was last out catting around.
AV is a great friend of mine and so was Meow Meow.
I loved his antics, and his attitude.
He was a furry person and he was awesome.
here are some of AV's comments with Meow Meow in pictures:
***
Meet Meow Meow, for those of you who do not know Meow Meow from Nether Region, this is his inaugural appearance here.

Hard night rutting, must have picked up a stray flea!
Cats do these things you know.


What are you looking at?
Don't get any ideas about having a nap, it's my bed!


I love my bed
It's so cosy
***
Sitting on the bed and I decided to move the chair. At the same time Meow Meow had decided to jump on that chair. Both actions started at the same moment, there was no going back....
Result: One white cat poised in the air with a WTF "?" above his head.
Milliseconds later he was sprawled on the floor looking at me...
The look on that little feline face was priceless, before he stalked out ijn a huff into the lounge and looked up at the sofa, then at me. I could just imagine what was going on in his furry little mind, "You gonna fuck with this too?"
***
Last night, well yesterday actually, Meow Meow expended one of his nine lives.
I arrived home about midday from work and Meow Meow was nowhere to be seen, gone! Now that's not unusual, he's a big boy now. He learned to jump the wall and he spends a lot of time exploring the world, sowing wild oats, checking on the regulars at the bar, tormenting the local dogs and wowing the kids in the park with his brilliant white majestarial presence....
So, I checked his nom noms, and settled down to blog a bit, as I am want to do. Checked Blogger Coffee Shop, answered comments on posts, you know, bloggy stuff.
Having blogged, I needed a nap, an afternoon siesta. This is a wonderful habit I learned in Bolivia, the siesta. Now, normally as soon as I decide to have one of these short escapes from the rest of the planet there is a soft plonk, and a small furry face appears in mine inquiring about the possibility of being petted. (Cat owners will understand this) Hmmm, no majestic presence. Okay, I napped fully expecting him to be there snuggled up at my feet when I woke... He wasn't.
Worry sets in. This absence is most unMeow Meowlike. I inquire at the bar, nope, nobody has seen Meow Meow. One of the neighbours who has a dog I don't trust has the animal in the park while they have a party there. I immediately put thought to my previous fears and suspicions about said dog.
I check with the kids in the park. Nope, no sign of Meow Meow. One of my neighbours thinks she has seen Meow Meow down the street. So, off down the street I go, nope, wasn't Meow Meow, it was another moggy. Back to the bar after a quick fruitless circuit of the park.
Resume beer drinking activities, as I am want to do.
One of the kids comes racing into the bar. "There's a cat in the drain! We can hear it." The drain referred to is a gutter-like stormwater drain at the side of the street just beside the bar. I "meow" and am rewarded with a plaintiff "meow" in return. Meow Meow has got himself, God knows how, trapped in the drain.
Crowd gathers, several of the strappier-type locals try to lift the grille, it is rusted fast.
A crowd gathers, a pick appears and we try to prise the grille open. But is refuses to budge with the pickhandle at breaking point. Finally a mallet appears, one of the bars of the grille is punched out. Meow Meow eventually appears again having hidden deeper in the drain from the hammering. I can't reach him sufficient to grab him. My neighbour tries and pulls a scruffy wet bedraggled Meow Meow from the recently punched hole in the grating.
He is filthy, caked with mud, but I just hug him. The crowd goes wild, cheering, clapping and begins to disperse. My neighbour and I wash his feet, tail and belly, then I take my errant feline home and dry him off.
He's not interested in nom noms, just wants to have a good lick.
I resume my beer drinking activities and go home. There is Meow Meow sitting in his place on top of the wall having a good wash.
I go to bed. At 5am, "meow, meow" Translates as "Is it breakfast time yet?" He jumps on the bed, crawls up beside me as he does and nuzzles my hand for a pet. He's pretty clean now, still has to work on the tail a bit. He shuts his eyes and gives me his big cat-grin, his throat rumbling like I have never heard it before.
Couldn't sleep, have to blog.....
Meow Meow has 8 lives left........


***


Today I got conned by a cat, yes, Meow Meow got one over me.
I arrived home from the supermarket, out of the Kombi with laden bags. Bought far more than I anticipated, which one is apt to do at the supermarket; and thusly laden I was greeted with plaintiff meows from next door. Recognising immediately this was my Meow Meow, I remembered similarly plaintiff meows coming from the storm water drain last Saturday (read: 8 Lives to Go...).
There he was, behind the neighbour's gate calling for help. Rushed to put bags down, and tried to call him to a part of the fence that I knew he could jump. Nothing, I called, and called, still nothing. I checked and he had disappeared.
"Oh bugger you!" I thought, "I'm busting for a pee!" and went into my place.
Lo and behold...
There, sitting on the door step waiting was Meow Meow. Looking at me as though to say "And what took you so long?"
He had apparently shot round to the back of the house, up on the fence, onto the roof, jumped down to our roof, on to the fence and down to the door step to greet me.
Got one over good and proper! And would he move so I could get into the house? Don't be silly, I had to step over him!
***
this is a picture when Meow Meow discovered ice:

***
these are pictures of Meow Meow and his friend Nom Nom playing:


*******
Meow Meow wasn't your typical cat. he was made of greater things, dogs feared him.
he was a joy to read about and a pleasure to know.
he will be sorely missed.
the word was a better place with him in it and a little dimmer without.
wherever he is, he is out of pain.
my thoughts are with him and AV tonight.