Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy halloween!

I made a puking pumpkin, sat it on the tale in the kitchen for 2 days then gave it to a friend who will let the moose's eat it.
couldn't get a picture cause I can find my camera, he was cute, still.

have a great one all.

Thursday, October 28, 2010


today was a day unlike any other.
everyday some one dies.
you tend not to think about it.

it is wet/snow out today.
people are driving CRAZY!
a motorcyclist wasn't wearing a helmet.
I saw the whole thing cause he was right next to us.
I didn't see the accident, I saw directly after.
as he was sliding, with no helmet on.

I hope his death was a quick one.
it was awful.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Someone, Who Will Never Get Drunk, Again, EVER!


It's a Mercedes Benz owned by an Abu Dhabi
OIL billionaire.

Featuring the newly developed V10 quad turbo
with 1,600 horsepower and 2800nm of torque
0-100km/h in less than 2secs, 1/4 mile in 6.89 secs
running on biofuel.

That is NOT stainless steel, it is WHITE GOLD!

Puns for Educated Minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He
acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out
to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class,
because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still
be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was
cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result
in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The
police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison
was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper
spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste
of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only
one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the
other and says 'Dam!'
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit
a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my
electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies,
'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends,
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.


Artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers who can remember doing the "Limbo" as if it were yesterday.

They include:

Bobby Darin ---
Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash

Herman's Hermits ---
Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker

Ringo Starr ---
I Get By With A Little Help From Depends

The Bee Gees -- -
How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?

Roberta Flack---
The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face

Johnny Nash ---
I Can't See Clearly Now.?

Paul Simon---
Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver

The Commodores ---
Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom

Procol Harem---
A Whiter Shade Of Hair?

Leo Sayer ---
You Make Me Feel Like Napping

The Temptations ---
Papa's Got A Kidney Stone

Denture Queen

Tony Orlando ---
Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall

Helen Reddy ---
I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore

Leslie Gore---
It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To

And Last but NOT least...

Willie Nelson ---
On the Commode Again

Gubmint and How Gubmint Works

If you really want to know what is wrong with GOVERNMENT this is a perfect example!!!

For those of us who care! Can we hope for some relief? I hope so.

This says it all about some things the government should not be involved in and health care appears to be next. Wow. Saddle up gang.

Gubmint and How Gubmint Works

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So They created two positions: a time keeper and a payroll officer, then hired two people.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one Year and we are $918,000 over budget, we must cutback." So they laid off the night watchman.

NOW slowly, let it sink in.
Quietly, we go like sheep to slaughter.

Does anybody remember the reason given for the establishment of the DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY..... during the Carter Administration?

Anybody? Anything? No? Didn't think so!

Bottom line. We've spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency....the reason for which not one person who reads this can remember!

Ready?? It was very simple...and at the time, everybody thought it very appropriate.

The Department of Energy was instituted on 8/04/1977,

Hey, pretty efficient, huh???


33 years ago 30% of our oil consumption was foreign imports.

Today 70% of our oil consumption is foreign imports.

Ah, yes -- good old Federal bureaucracy.


Hello!! Anybody Home?


Take out the trash!!!


My other half and I vote. J talks about politics and I listen. His friends are very informed people who with the help of the internet are correctly informed.

The state I live in is RED.

I am not.

If I don't vote I don't have the right to bitch.

People in other countries DIE to get the right to vote.

Do you have any Idea what they did to the women of this country, that I live in, over 100 years ago, that wanted to vote?

They beat, jailed and tortured these women.
All because they wanted the right to vote.


May you always have work for your hands to do
May your pockets hold always a coin or two
May the sun shine bright on your windowpane
May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain
May the hand of a friend always be near you
And may your heart fill with gladness to cheer you

- Irish Blessing

Where did Piss Poor come from?

Interesting History

They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families
used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken &
Sold to the tannery.......if you had to do this to survive
you were "Piss Poor"

But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't
even afford to buy a pot......they "didn't have a pot to piss in" were the lowest of the low.

The next time you are washing your hands and complain
because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their
yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by
June.. However, since they were starting to smell . ..... .
Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.
Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man
of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then
all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the
children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so
dirty you could actually lose someone in it.. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no
wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get
warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs)
lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and
sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof...
Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the
house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs
and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence,
a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other
than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had
slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet,
so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their
footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until,
when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way.
Hence: a thresh hold.

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big
kettle that always hung over the fire.. Every day they lit
the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly
vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the
stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold
overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew
had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence
the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas
porridge in the pot nine days old. Sometimes they could
obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When
visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show
off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home
the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests
and would all sit around and chew the fat.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high
acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food,
causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with
tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were
considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt
bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination
would Sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days.
Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and
prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen
table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive... So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer.

And that's the truth....Now, whoever said History was boring!!!

So...get out there and educate someone! ~~~


While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator was tragically hit
by a car and died.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there
is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see,
so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator..
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do
is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose
where to spend eternity."
"Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down,
down, down to hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.
In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his
friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake
his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at
the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then
dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having
a good time dancing and telling jokes.
They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it,
it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St.
Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven.."
So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls
moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good
time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter
"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose
your eternity."
The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never
have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would
be better off in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land
covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags,
picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.
"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and
there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank
champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full
of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil smiles at him and says,
"Yesterday we were campaigning, Today, you voted.."

Vote wisely on November 2, 2010

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Welcome to....

Dave! enjoy you stay, not sure when you showed up, but happy trails anyway!

Friday, October 15, 2010


How pumpkin pie is made

I am making a puking pumpkin for Halloween!
if you want more Hallows E'en click on the title and got to my friend AV's blog, "All Hallows E'en" it is very funny and has lots of pictures of one of my most favourite times of the year!
(it has the puking pumpkin that I am going to copy, THANKS AV!)

I am on a horse. "Moo." Cow.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

The Infamous Exploding Whale (1970)

nothing I could say works.....


My friend and I were talking....

I have great friends (by the way) ones I know in daily life and my other internet family :).
so me and her(one of my friends0 are talking yesterday, (we met at therapy and have similar stories as much as it is possible.)
she was talking about closeness with a therapist, how when she has the right one and the bond is built, it gives her energy to fix her life.

(drawing a blank)

not with me. I don't trust the fuckers.

my first therapist/psychiatrist, was drunk the whole time she was dealing with me, and medicating me. I know this cause years later, she had to as she was working step nine, of AA.

when she told me I went cold.

this person who had me drugged and tortured, cause I was crazy, was drinking during most of it.

okay, FUCK!

I hadn't started my down ward spiral into drugs. years later when I did my 9th step. I had to make amends, and it sucked. and not everyone forgave me either.
and ya know what has occurred to me, I still haven't forgiven her.
that hate has eaten a whole in my life.
yes I know my spelling is off but I feels better that way.
the whole of my life, and my distrust for all people in authority, sprang from that moment.

Maybe it was the only way she could live with herself for what she was doing, in her life and to me. I doubt I was the exception to the rule.
still... FUCK!

I am just sitting here shaking my head, at a complete loss due to this particular break through of mine.

I love my acupuncturist, he rocks.
I love my physical therapist. she is awesome.
my psychiatrist is a good egg. ( her and my last one were awesome compared to some, still not great, but, what the F?)
I HATE my medical Dr. Hate him!
my therapist is okay, I don't openly hate her, I just like her. she is the Zen therapist, she will not argue with me, and she lets me colour with crayons.

on a side note. I went to IHOP yesterday (they do all things pancakes) YUM!
the waitress let me have scary face pancakes, they take whip cream and strawberries, and candy corns (which I hate)(so I didn't eat) and make a face on the pancake, it is for 12 and under. the waitress let me order it any ways. physically I am 40. mentally I am about 8.

I was in the ER the other day with my broken toe and contused foot, (long story about dark crowded rooms that need to be organised) and I was playing my Nintendo dsl (hand held game) and what might you ask am I playing? TINKER BELL!

My friend plays WOW (a fighting game) nope not me, tinker bell, or tink as we all call her.
so where I am going with this?

it has been a particularly hard week with some good and some bad things.
Progress is being made, I am facing my fears and working on hard shit.
I think my grasp on reality is doing okay, maybe not.
we will see how many times I melt down today while we are cleaning my room.



Friday, October 8, 2010

Change the world Wednesday, on Friday!
click on the title

I have taken this latest challenge as a "stupid" american, well I am an Alaskan.

I have stopped using plastic bags, for groceries. you know the kind?

THAT kind.
I will not bore you with facts.
google it, you will find plenty.

I am using cloth bags now, you can get them everywhere.
even some of them are made of recycled plastic, how cool is that?
and if you go to thrift stores they are even cheaper.
it is amazing what we throw away.
whether it is money it's self or destroying the planet, what is the difference.
all you have to do is care.

"You must do the things you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt"

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

memory bank

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed
each morning by eight O'clock, shaved perfectly with his hair fashionably
combed and even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.

His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary.
After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he
smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.

As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual of his
tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.

'I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having
just been presented with a new puppy.

"Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; Just wait."

"That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied.

"Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my
room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged ... it's how I
arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It's a decision I make every
morning when I wake up.

"I have a choice;

"I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the
parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for

the ones that do.

"Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new
day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my

"Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.

So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank
account of memories!

"Thank you for your part in filling my Memory Bank. I am still depositing."

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4.. Give more.
5. Expect less.

Monday, October 4, 2010


are not well in my world.
this is my best time of year and I am very unhappy.
between medical stuff (DON'T EVER GET SICK)
(when have I been well?)
(or pain free)
and life in general, I am just not having fun.

I am sick of this and being such a downer all the time.
(I don't want sympathy)
it is what it is.

so I don't blog and put it out there.
(if I'm sick of it? so are you?)
but with nothing positive to say it leaves for only silence.

I don't get it inside my head.
I don't get it from my other half, that is another story.
and I sure as shit don't want to talk about all of the crap in there.

I can't kill myself and I can't get arrested.
(I tried this weekend to get arrested, didn't work)
so I have to live...

and despite all I am doing to the contrary I am making progress.


She lays on the wall,
watching the strangers drift away.
mid-day's ore--thick with the sun of Arabia
she surrenders, her voices they gather, on the wind
talkin, chanting, breathing
into her body...
Awakened beside, the scent of burnt sugar--on the skin
painting eyes--thick with the color she brings in
oh, and sure, and strong
when the lightning tumbles down, don't you frown
everything will be in time for this evening.

If there's secrets she has to be pardoned to,
every one of them, if there's heaven she gets to the heart

And you'll wonder why she says,
when I run out of blue,
help me rise instead, then I will run to you.
why she says, when I run out of blue, give me rain instead,
now let me run... (let me run)

--synthwash/piano interlude--

If there's secrets she has to be pardoned to,
every one of them, if there's heaven she gets to the heart

And you'll know just why she says,
when I run out of blue,
help me rise instead, then I will run to you.
why she says, when I run out of blue, give me rain instead,
now let me run... (let me run)

Hey-hey....why she says, when I run out of blue,
Help me rise instead, then I will run to you
why she says, when I run out of blue,
give me rain instead, then I will run to you
(repeat to fade)