Monday, May 23, 2011

Happy bday Beth!

I hope your day is as wonderful as you~!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

work, or what I do when at my computer

I rent properties. where I live and other wise.
it keeps me busy. Like I can never have my phone ringer on.
they call at 2 am.
or the guys that called me from the states.
"HI I am morbidly obese and my arms are too short to reach my ass, you got anyone to help with that?" "Just Kidding!!!"
then we proceeded to talk about how scary women are and he wanted to know about me and my girlfriends. sorry not going to discuss that with you have to go.
or what time is it where you are?
you have the ad that I placed on CL if you don't know what time zone Alaska is in you are in trouble. answer Alaska Standard time! google it.
or there is the guy who had 80 or so (and I am rounding down) charges for everything. drugs violence and so on over the last 25 years. and he has spent more time in jail than out. only sober due to being in jail. when you have 2 years clean(and-oh-so-proud-of-it) and you have been in jail for the last 2 years, we don't need to talk.
or the woman that called me from drug treatment and didn't bother to tell me, I had to figure it out my self. when I called her back to let her know we had things serious to talk about, she never showed up.
today I have a worker call from the shelter I told her everything was in the ad and that I will not deal with third parties.
everything is in the ad. with the volumes of calls I get it is really hard to tell every single person everything. therefore the ad. if you can't take the time to read the ad,~ we have nothing to talk about.
most of the time I cringe when I have to answer the phone.
people are stupid and incredibly rude.
I just turn it around.
what else can I do?
back to the salt mines, now that I have complained about the idiots I have to deal with.
now I just have to fill 2 empty rooms with non idiot people.
yeah. right. whatever.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011


was 6 years for J and I. the day passed like any other.
I am tired and irritable.
constant mind numbing pain will do that.
I am always so damn cold.
no it is not my thyroid. whatever knows that they check it every time I give blood for tests.
they usually take 750 ML when they do and I am dizzy and usually pissed. blood from a stone you say? here look at my arm? I know. I used to shoot up there, slim pickings.
so I went and say therapist today. she had the heater on and a soft blanket in her office. I was into that heater and blanket in no time flat like a happy cat.
it rocked. she said I was less irritable after that. till I had to leave.
now I am sitting here trying to keep dinner down which consisted of long cooking hot cereal mixed with hemp protein powder and oat milk.
I like what hemp does to my body, and how it makes me feel. and the oat milk is really nice, milk that tastes like a thin oatmeal cookie.
it will be better than what animal products do.
so that is that I will start going down on meds soon, have to see the Dr first. at this point I might out live my stay on meds. looking at 3 years at this rate.
whatever. I have spent over half my life medicated what is a few year more? just the rest of my life.
fine I hate things right now. no wonder I am such a bitch right now.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Together alone

I absolutely HATE mother's day

HATE IT. why?
have you met my mother no, then read my blog.
today is a fucken scam day. full of bullshit.
I was fine sleeping at my computer sick to my stomach trying not to puke, when I get woken up and have the fucken day forced on me,
so much screaming later, I am alone with everyone in the spaces dreading the next encounter with me.
Just leave me alone.
I hate the day and what bullshit it represents.
My mother left me with nothing well less than that and now she is dying alone.
take your fucken mothers day and shove it up your shiny happy ass. Just leave me the fuck out of it.
(middle finger)

Friday, May 6, 2011

well I went back today

and there in the rocks above the trees were the ravens and a nest up in there. I could hear the babies! I have pictures when I process them I will put them on. night for now

the eagle and the three ravens

CT and I were going swimming! were.
we ended up driving up the coast near beluga point.
why is it called beluga point?, cause you can see beluga whales swimming in there pods.
so we pull off the road. WHY DON'T I BRING MY CAMERA?
well I didn't bring it. CRAP!
so we sit in the sun and walk to a minor water fall on the side of the road.
we drive farther down the coast, and we find this spot. it is really sunny and lightly raining. the sky is navy in color in some places. so we see this eagle and this raven dive bombing each other. so we watch for the next hour in the rain and sun the eagle and first one raven then two then three show up to kick the eagle out of this tree that is 100 ft from me to the eagle. they fight in the air and such for the next hour, then chase the eagle off. I have never been so close to one, and it was talking to me.
in all it was a beautiful day by where the ocean meets the mountains.
so I will bring Mister camera!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

learned all I know about being cold from Alaska

well it looked like it from this side of the winnie the pooh curtains. I forget that light doesn't mean warm as nice as it has been. I rained solid yesterday and oh boy did we need it...
it is still sleepy day I stayed in bed till 9:45am and everyone else is still sleeping more than an hour later. I have made tea and such startings for the day I am currently getting a start on the days medication natural or other wise.
did you know that I have 3 guys to take care of me?
J you should know who he is, CT my PCA he does far more than he gets paid for, and horse he is the recovering crack head that I get pissed at every so often and put him in deep freeze land. I learned all I know about being cold from Alaska.
(I got diverted by the morning and care and feeding the family.)
we had eggs and toast and fruit.
I am making up lamb with carrots and potatoes and elephant garlic and onion and leeks.
I am soaking it all in half and half, and spices. it will be roasted tonight or tomorrow. haven't decided.
me and CT are going swimming, hopefully soon and then we can sit in my room and watch a movie he bought on DVD. hopefully I can sit through the movie. I have trouble sitting still for more than 10 minutes.
so instead of walking today. we will swim.
the weight is coming off, and now that the cramping from the dandelion incident has subsided it is time to move again. so I am off to my day.
up by 9am sleep by 9pm.
yes I do need that much sleep, sucks but it takes my meds that long to start to wear off.
so if you see me splashing by just wave, I will be the piranha shark with the mohawk beefing up on my bare fist fighting of sharks.
I know it is okay if you don't understand, nobody does =P

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

well it was bound to happen...

I have been playing with herbs.
ginger, slippery elm, peppermint. dandelion, turmeric and such.
I make teas, and capsules out of these things.
this is what I am doing instead of taking the dr's drugs.
what happened? explosive diarrhoea!
I mixed up the dandelion with the ginger, in tea yesterday. so instead of pain relieving tea, I get "OH shit I have to shit" tea. at least that is how it works on me.
and I have muscle cramps in my lower legs.
I am on the cane today because of it.
lack of water in my system from the dandelion root.
dandelion literally translated means wets the bed.
dandelion is also a laxative!
umm, yeah fun!
but at least I figured it out before I got too sick.

Just because it is natural doesn't mean it is always safe.
I have what I figure to be a fair knowledge of these things. AND I catch this stuff before it kills me. I have a better success rate then the dr's, at least with me.
so I am learning to deal with my mistakes.
hey everyone who had the tea has a squeaky clean colon.

does it never end? I was writing this and I got interrupted by work. and I will be back and forth to this most of the day. what does work entail? stuff at the computer, on the telephone and just general screwing around. The pay is shit and non-existent but it keeps me busy, and in trouble with everyone ROFLMAO!

Fuck me,*You should see the faces of men when I say that, and I do allot*
well folks here is to the day stuck to the computer, and ahem, toilet!

Monday, May 2, 2011


even if it is government sanctioned it is still murder.
I am sorry but the ends don't justify the means.
actually I am not sorry murder is wrong.
and we have all see what an eye for an eye gets... dead children?
they hate us more than they love life.
and we hate them and all it gets us is sick or dead.

so lets celebrate whole sale murder and be glad it is "us" and not "them".


does this not sit right with anyone else?


yeah right that is what I thought. lets do it the same way we have always done it.
how many more will hate and kill us before we are done?
might makes right.

it is truly a sad day when we celebrate murder.
how many more deaths does there need to be?
they won't forgive this.
and we won't forgive them. and in 100 years our descendants will be doing the same damn thing.

lets hope we have learned something here.
probably not.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

spring has sprung...

and everyone else is too. I was okay then I get sick again like I am now.
in a great deal of pain but getting stuff done.
I broke allot of blood vessels in my face, puking for 2 hours. finally got it under control.
my body was worse for wear so Meh.
I am too tired and just wanted to post an update.
it has been better.
it has been worse.
hope everyone is well and taking it easy this Saturday late morning. hope all is well.