THE OLD PHONE ON THE WALL.

When I was a young boy, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood.. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.





Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person. Her name was "Information Please" and there was nothing she did not know. Information Please could supply anyone's number and the correct time.



My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy.

I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear.
"Information, please" I said into the
mouthpiece just above my head.


A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.

"Information."


"I hurt my finger..." I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily enough
now that I had an audience.


"Isn't your mother home?" came the question.


"Nobody's home but me," I blubbered.


"Are you bleeding?" the voice asked.


"No,"
I replied. "I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts."


"Can you open the icebox?" she asked.

I said I could.



"Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger," said the voice.


After that, I called "Information Please" for everything.. I asked her for
help with my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia was. She helped me with my math.



She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.


Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died. I called,



Information Please," and told her the sad story. She listened, and then said things grownups say to soothe a child. But I was not consoled. I asked her, "Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?"


She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, " Wayne , always remember that there are other worlds to sing in."



Somehow I felt better.



Another day I was on the telephone, "Information Please."


"Information," said in the now familiar voice. "How do I spell fix?"
I asked.


All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest . When I was nine years old, we moved across the country to Boston . I missed my friend very much.
"Information Please" belonged in that old wooden box back home and I
somehow never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall. As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me..


Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.



A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle . I had about a half-hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and said, "Information Please."



Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well.


"Information."


I hadn't planned this, but I heard myself saying,
"Could you please tell me how to spell fix?"


There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, "I guess your finger must have healed by now."


I laughed, "So it's really you," I said. "I wonder if you have any
idea how much you meant to me during that time?"



I wonder," she said, "if you know how much your call meant to me.


I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls."


I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.


"Please do", she said. "Just ask for Sally."


Three months later I was back in Seattle .. A different voice answered,


"Information."
I asked for Sally.

"Are you a friend?" she said.


"Yes, a very old friend," I answered.


"I'm sorry to have to tell you this,"She said. "Sally had been working part time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago."


Before I could hang up, she said, "
Wait a minute, did you say your name was Wayne ?" "

Yes." I answered.


"Well, Sally left a message for you.
She wrote it down in case you called.
Let me read it to you."


The note said,
"Tell him there are other worlds to sing in.
He'll know what I mean."

I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant.



Never underestimate the impression you may make on others..


Whose life have you touched today?

A little Respect!

new post idea!!!

thanks to Stories From an Innocent Owner of Mad Cats @http://hbmike2000.blogspot.com

I have a new idea hehehe...
in his latest story he talks about the wild reindeer...

gave me an idea... go read his blog then I will tell you more later after I have done the deed.
I am off to make soup... that is part of this deed.


HAHAHAHA!!!!!!

You like me don't U?

You like me don't you?

Would like it if someone slit my throat or hung me from a long rope?
because I am a member of the LGBT community?
~~~! Killed me?

this man advocates killing gays and lesbians, and I guess that would extend to the Bi Sexual...

who is this man? Beenie Man...
his music is labeled murder music.

"The lyrics to some of his songs have been criticized for inciting the murder of homosexuals, with lyrics such as, "I'm dreaming of a new Jamaica, come to execute all the gays". In "Mi Nah Wallah", he says he would like to cut the throats of all gay men. In "Bad Man Chi Chi Man" the lyric instructs listeners to kill gay deejays, and in "Han Up Deh", the lyric suggests hanging lesbians with a long piece of rope." from Wikipedia

Pepsi company recently is pre-ported to have sponsored his tour of Uganda.

read more here or click on the title of this post

http://tomusarcanum.blogspot.com/2009/12/did-pepsi-sponsor-antigay-concert-in.html

http://www.advocate.com/News/Daily_News/2009/12/07/Pepsi_Sponsors_Antigay_Concert_in_Uganda_/

I say boycott the bastard and Pepsi!
America is run by the extreme right wing loonies, that have passed laws so that people that love each other can't get married and have a life together, IF, they are Gay or Lesbian.

Now Pepsi is supposed to of sponsored an ?artist?, that goes to Uganda, where the Ugandan government is trying to instate the death penalty for being gay.
WTF!!?!!


BTW The Advocate is one of my most favorite magazines.they have an on-line magazine at http://www.advocate.com. a very good funny and concise read.

Mammogram results

A woman in her fifties is at home happily jumping unclothed, on her bed and squealing with delight.

Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care what you think, I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old."

The husband replies, "What did he say about your 55-year old ass?"

She replied, "Your name never came up."

THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
Lesson 1:
a Man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'


After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.


The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'



Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.



Lesson 2:


A priest offered a Nun a lift

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident..

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.



Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep.. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'


Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4


An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'

The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.




Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.


Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..



Lesson 6


A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field..

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was..

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.


Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!



THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

very funny animals