thanks for the comments to I'm fat!

can't post in comments so I am here. thanks AV and Beth!
that was a hard day and I was unhappy. and I couldn't get on pixie hollow as they only support windows machines and I an Linux. found a way around it, but I was with out my game for 2 days and when I can't sleep or need to veg I get on and play. it is soothing. I didn't have that. I have other coping skills, one of them being this blog, so I did. it helped immensely. it is always darkest before the dawn. it is so true. I have come too far and worker to hard to give up.
I have 2 specialists in the next two weeks. My dr's that work with me on a regular basis are supportive cause the see me every couple weeks, and they can see my struggles. The ones that see me more infrequently are less kind. "I need to deal with my food addiction" "do you realize how this weight is hurting your health" "you need to have the lap-band" "the weight is killing you"

*NO* *really*?
I live in this body, FULL TIME!
and it is not that simple, It is everything, period. and it takes all I have. and some specialist has all the answers. I have to see them as they are the "experts" in medicine.
I am the expert in this body. while I am not doing well, I am the only one that can fix me. I can't do it by myself. and if I keep listening to them I will off myself.
I really don't think they realize how much they are hurting me.
I can have both of us doing that as I am doing enough damage to myself.
I am doing this all by the seat of my pants and they are idiots, who don't care.
Oh well I will keep plugging along, as the other choice is unacceptable.
And away i trudge.