well folks, it is Christmas week.
crap!
My next door neighbor got put of jail, and came home this am. so much for peaceful earplug free sleep. he was in for beating his pregnant niece (who isn't really kinda his niece and HE got her pregnant) he is native Alaskan and they are all related or know each other or are related by marriage. I knew that she was pregnant back in February, and the denial was amazing, he found out about 3 weeks to delivery and he beat her up, then he & she violated the restraining order.
It was a nice couple of quiet weeks... I could tell he was home this am. he always has to kill his breakfast before he eats it (that and every other meal) 6 (fucken) am. wham wham wham.
I own knitting needles and tiny metal crochet hooks, I will either make myself deaf or give him a vasectomy.
he has more kids, or as I call them Dumped-with-relatives, so he can fuck barely legal pieces of ass. get them pregnant, and dump them with relatives. he is 50. you think he would have some....?
now as to the rest of last week.
I met my new psychiatrist... 5th one this year. I see then 2 to 3 times and they are gone.
we will call him Dr. Conservative-out of his fucken mind-control freak. Or Dr. dumb-ass or DA for short.
we met last Tuesday for the first time, he seems like a nice older man with great stories... Yup right.
he wants to make 5 med changes at once.
WHAT THE FUCK?
I can see it now Christmas in the local loony bin or the hospital.
he hasn't read my file that I am sure of.
I am depressed go fig it is December... so lets add a med that I have never been on before.(I am the one that has horrible allergic reactions, my list of allergies is longer than my medication list) he picks it by throwing the proverbial dart at the wall... lovely.
then he wants me to go down 150 mgs on my main medicine from 350 to 200. this medicine I have only every gone up or down by 50 mgs at a time.
then he wants me to keep going down on a med that I have been slowly decreasing for 3 months now.
and finally he wants me to drop my anti-psychotic and the side effect med all together.
I am officially scared of this man.
I go back in on Wednesday to beg him not to do this to me the week of Christmas. not to do it period.
HE TELLS ME TO LET HIM DO THE WORRYING!
is he going to be there when I can't stop puking?????
I call back Thursday. I talk to the director of adult services, my therapist and ANYONE ELSE that will listen.
I don't mind making a couple of changes, going down 50 mgs on my main meds and in 2 weeks to a month dropping 50 more. and going on a med.
but 5 changes at once.... NO!!!!
I get told that he is the doctor and I don't get to pick my meds and that the final decision is up to him.
I tell them that I am the patient, and it is my body. and I have been medicated for 26 years now and I know a little more about me that he does. FOR CHRIST SAKES, I have a SAY in this.
DA finally calls me back, here is the conversation.
"DA says I thought we had come to an agreement.
me, no you came to a agreement.
DA, well I thought that we were going to do it my way, but it seems we are going to do it your way.
me thanks.
DA, YOU need to examine why you are afraid to go off your meds and are not afraid to stay on them..."
what the fuck?
I have been dropping meds for the last 3 months with my last 2 psychiatrists. I am willing to drop my meds in a safe way, so I am not vomiting violently. Drug withdrawal makes you wish you had the flu, or that you were dead.
DA is a prick and he is going to make me pay for this.
I also told him some where in that that 8 years of medical school doesn't make him god.
his reply? only god like.

There is no place else to go for therapy with my insurance, I called everybody.


also this last week I am having extreme pain/bleeding in my pelvic girdle, in sept I had an ablution.
and I am too fat to fit into the cat scan machine, and I am in to much pain to work out...
my GYN is off part of last week and all of this. her advise? the ER.
NO!
lets go and sit with all the sick people so I can have a pelvic examine and they can tell me that I need to see my GYN, and they will either give me pain pills or call me a frequent flyer and tell me to get fucked. both options are about the same in my book.
I'm trying to get off meds...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lovely....

now for this week. I get to do my second half of my deposition for the car accident, where the other driver was at fault.
3 more hrs. I can barely sit for 10 minutes...
I see my PCP (main Dr) and she will be SO much help...
I pee'd for her on Friday. they will get back to me this week about it if I have a bladder infection, (I don't)
then Friday is Christmas... yea!

lets see what am I grateful for so I will stop crying as I write this.

I am alive (still trying to decide if that is a positive)
I have food shelter and people that love me.
I am standing up for myself and not letting the dr's rape me.
which means my life expectancy just improved... (FUCK)

Merry Christmas all, *SIGH*
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