birthdays, the end of the world and Google. I wrote this!

I have my birthday coming up in 2 months 2 weeks and approx 6 days give or take.
now what make this so fantabulous~my own word, is that it is my 40th bday.
I am not pushing 40. I am grateful that I am going to be 40.
WHY?
my expiration date was 5 years ago.
I was 6 months clean and they told me I would be dead in less than 3 months.
they did not know me very well, now did they.
I have made it. despite what everyone in the medical profession thinks.
they tell me I am a miracle. they have never seen such determination.
I am like one of those weeble-wobbles you knock them down and the come back up.
god that dates me.
I loved beating the hell out of them and they always stood right back up with that goofy grin saying do it again!
you may now be asking what is it with all of this positiveness Bibble?
have the Martians done experiments on you?
nope!
and nope to any other ?'s.

what has happened?
I was in a group that I attend semiregularlly. and another group member attacked me verbally.
she is a, well how do I put this. I am voluntary and she is not.
being a felon I guess you have less choices all thou I wouldn't know.
I have always hurt people by hurting myself.
needless to say she is not a nice camper.

well I haven't been back to group and someone else in the group quit because of it.
it is this huge mess that won't be solved any time soon.

I got really angry and internalized it. and ended up with my jaw joint in total spasm.
I had chipmunk cheeks for grinding what teeth I had left in my mouth, destroying my mouth and my jaw.
I was really pissed. and it really hurt me.
so I went to see a ENT specialist. basically with all the meds I am on he really couldn't do anything to help me but tell me to relax, and don't clinch, and get a bite guard. well ya have to have teeth for the guard to work and I used it any way and made hole in my upper mouth. that really made me realize what I was doing to myself in my sleep.
on the way out of the appt I found a laughing club.
I was desperate, thank god!
so every Monday I go to the laughing club or laughing yoga.
I have gone twice and had to use my inhaler we laugh so hard it triggers an asthma attack. and my sides hurt and I am hoarse. it is one of the things that is working.
then I found another acupuncturist, and they do clearings I have had 3 now, the last one yesterday. what a difference, seriously. it is eating into my savings but it is so worth it.
I saw the ENT Dr 2 weeks ago Monday, and then Monday, and he was so shocked at the difference in my face.
I talked to my therapist and she really can't be any help. I have to file yet another grievance.
OH WELL!, or maybe perhaps.
let me give you the perhaps story.

there was a Taoist farmer, and he had land and a horse to plough his fields, the horse broke free and ran away. all of the towns people came by and "oh what poor luck" the farmers response was "perhaps"
then the horse came back with a bunch of wild fillies all of the towns people came by and "oh what good luck" the farmers response was "perhaps"
the farmers eldest son was trying to tame the fillies and got thrown and broke his leg and became lame. all of the towns people came by and "oh what poor luck" the farmers response was "perhaps"
then war broke out and they were drafting all of the eldest sons for the war. but since his son was lame they left him with his father. all of the towns people came by and "oh what good luck" the farmers response was "perhaps".

SO PERHAPS!

so in turning 40, there are some things that make me laugh.
my 43rd bday is on a Friday in June.
what makes this so significant?
the Mayan calendar ends Dec 21st 2012, at that point the world IS supposed to end.
huh. Perhaps.
I believe that people will die on that day. but people die everyday. that day will be no different, EXCEPT stupid people will panic. they always have.
in the year 999 AD the world was going to end due to the new millennium. so people gave all there land and possesions to the church thinking it would get them a better place in heaven.
new years day 1000AD the world is still there. and the people are now wanting their land and such back due to the fact that the world DIDN'T end, you know what the church told them? Sorry it is church property.
Y2K didn't get us.
everything has to stop at some point, it is part of being finite.
Google calendar goes up to the year 5000 + (I just didn't feel like holding the button indefinitely to see how far it went)
In 1970 I was born on a Sunday.
1000 years from that date June 14th 2970 will be a Thursday
in the year 3200 it will be on a Wednesday.
in the year 3970 it will be on a Sunday. (How cool is that?)
in the year 4970 it will be on a Thursday.
and in the year 5000 it will be on a Saturday.
my point besides the one on the top of my head?
someone was born on that day, or will be,
someone will die in that day or will be.
Maybe the Mayans had no faith in the human race, seeing as how stupid we are to each other.
maybe they just got bored and figured it was good enough, and it was the end of a 12,000 year cycle and the future would take care of it.
perhaps...
bottom line days are like any other till you die, some great, some bad, some okay.

I choose not to buy into the bullshit, but that is how I live my life.

I have a birthday that no one thought I would make including me, and it is fastly approaching.
I have love and joy and pain in my life. my life...
lovely!
thanks for reading, gentle reader.
love and fishy fishes
Adorabibble!