a man and a monkey walk into a bar...

and the man sits down, and the monkey starts to lose it.
the bartender says, "I'm gonna be blunt, your monkey is going apeshit!"
the guys says "oh he'll be fine"
so the monkey jumps on the pool table, and eats the cue ball.
"Your fucken monkey just ate the cue ball and has ruined my pool table for the night!"
so the guy gives him a 100.00 and leaves with the monkey.
2 weeks later the guy and the monkey come back to the bar.
he hands the bartender the shiny cue ball.
the bartender loses it "get that damn monkey out of here"
the guys says "he is on a leash and on his best behaviour"
the bartender says "okay fine"
so the monkey is sitting on the bar and takes a peanut and sticks it up his ass, and then put it in his mouth and eats it.
the bartender screams "did you just see what he did? he stuck that peanut up his ass and then ate it? man I can't have that in here!"
The guy says "that is a smart monkey! after the cue ball he measures everything"
....