paraprosdokian...

A paraprosdokian (from Greek "παρα-", meaning "beyond" and

"προσδοκία", meaning "expectation") is a figure of speech in which

the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in

a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the

first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, some-

times producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular

among comedians and satirists. Some paraprosdokians not only change

the meaning of an early phrase, but also play on the double meaning

of a particular word, creating a syllepsis.


Ø Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than

standing in a garage makes you a car.

Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people

appear bright until you hear them speak.

Ø If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Ø War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is

not putting it in a fruit salad.

Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse

gets the cheese.

Ø Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening',

and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal

from many is research.

Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where

a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

Ø How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but

it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Ø Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for any-

thing, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble

down the stairs.

Ø Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity,

they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool

and throw them fish.

Ø I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

Ø A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove

that you don't need it.

Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an

emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

Ø I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Ø I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...

so I said "Implants?"

Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four

billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down

the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think

they are sexy.

Ø Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for

president and 50 for Miss America ?

Ø Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall

of a successful man is usually another woman.

Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Ø You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need

a parachute to skydive twice.

Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have

some good ideas!

Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in

such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home,

even if you wish they were.

Ø Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery

easier to live with.

Ø I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to

be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed

touches my foot.

Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever

they go.

Ø There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone

down so they can't get away.

Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

Ø I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon,

and a shot of tequila.

Ø When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the

Fire Department usually uses water.

Ø You're never too old to learn something stupid.

Ø To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call

whatever you hit the target.

Ø Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Ø Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people.

Others have no imagination whatsoever.

Ø A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are

after it as when you are in it.

Ø If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why

do some people have more than one child?

Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Ø I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work

that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to

his level and beat you with experience.

Ø I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather …

Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.