Puns for Educated Minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He
acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out
to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class,
because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still
be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was
cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result
in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The
police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison
was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper
spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste
of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only
one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the
other and says 'Dam!'
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit
a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my
electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies,
'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends,
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.