Laws of Life

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your

hands become coated with grease, your nose will

begin to itch & you'll have to find a bathroom.


2.Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw,

when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of

your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal & someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were

late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic

lanes), the one you were in will always move faster

than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully

immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability

of meeting someone you know increases dramatically

when you are with someone you don't want to be

seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to

prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity

of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of the Theater & Hockey

Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are

farthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are

the ones who will leave their seats several times to

go for food, beer, or the toilet & who leave early be-

fore the end of the performance or the game is over.

The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies & stay to the bitter

end of the performance. The aisle people also are very

surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down

to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something, which chore will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are

only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent

lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances

of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on

a floor, are directly correlated to the newness & cost

of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is

possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance -

If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A

closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing

Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you

really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well,

make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the

time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't

make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.