yesterday

was 6 years for J and I. the day passed like any other.
I am tired and irritable.
constant mind numbing pain will do that.
I am always so damn cold.
no it is not my thyroid. whatever knows that they check it every time I give blood for tests.
they usually take 750 ML when they do and I am dizzy and usually pissed. blood from a stone you say? here look at my arm? I know. I used to shoot up there, slim pickings.
so I went and say therapist today. she had the heater on and a soft blanket in her office. I was into that heater and blanket in no time flat like a happy cat.
it rocked. she said I was less irritable after that. till I had to leave.
now I am sitting here trying to keep dinner down which consisted of long cooking hot cereal mixed with hemp protein powder and oat milk.
I like what hemp does to my body, and how it makes me feel. and the oat milk is really nice, milk that tastes like a thin oatmeal cookie.
it will be better than what animal products do.
so that is that I will start going down on meds soon, have to see the Dr first. at this point I might out live my stay on meds. looking at 3 years at this rate.
whatever. I have spent over half my life medicated what is a few year more? just the rest of my life.
fine I hate things right now. no wonder I am such a bitch right now.
whatever