hey all...

I did a test run for Thanks giving, it went well except for it killed me. I spent 18 hrs over 3 days cooking 4hrs Wednesday, the gym( I'm up to 6 mins on the treadmill, and 8 laps swimming) and 4 hrs Thursday. and 10 hrs cooking on Friday.

I have a head cold and It feels like I beat myself to death. I am taking care of myself, hiding.
I will be cooking again on Wednesday/Thursday. I hope to have my sense of smell back by then. as it is how I cook.

most of the work will be done for me, stuffin made. turkey thawed and stuffed. potatoes and gravy just to heat. I will have to do some veggie work but no big deal. so if I am off the computer (like I have been for days, off and on ) please bear with. I went 3 days with out computer. just so tired.
I hope you all have a wonder time, whether or not you celebrate the holiday.

thanks Giving is something that I do celebrate, because of my grand mother. she would cook for days. also St Patrick's day.
Christmas is a private holiday for me, still working on my issues of Christmas.
My mother would take all of my presents back for cash to spend, on herself.
it was always about her. that continued in my life long after she wasn't a part of it.
I picked people that would take everything away from me.
My ex husband broke my finger getting my wedding ring off to go hock, for money to buy soda, and crap for himself.
my last ex sold everything for drugs, including the few things that I received from my grandmother (some jewellery). the only reason I have some of it left to this day is that it was broken and no one wanted it.

I have had all of the pieces that I still have restored. J helped me with that.
also with Christmas and my birthday.
He made sure to spoil me from day 1.
it wasn't about the money(as he really has none) he would go to thrift shops and buy me tons of stuff. cool stuff.

What I guess that I am trying to relate is that no matter how bad it has been if you want it to be good with allot of work (WHY LIE ABOUT HARD WORK???) you can have what you want if the want is reasonable and with in the scope of reality.
I am never going to be president, a man, queen of the universe.
what I have and have worked very hard for is much better than that.
I am loved. No one beats me any more.
I have stuff that I truly love. And if I lost it all in a fire I would start again...

you know why?

cause I have me, and the people that I love.
and that is what I am truly grateful for this year.
I have a future, with all kinds of love, all healthy.

I love me, and I am good enough, smart enough and you know what? people love me.

have a great one and thanks for reading gentle reader!

love and fishey fishes,
Adora!