A BURGLAR DROPPED a testicle when he broke into the home

Thursday, July 10, 2003

A BURGLAR DROPPED a testicle when he broke into the home of pensioners Joyce and Leslie Edwards.

The clumsy thief slipped as he tried to climb through their window and sliced off one of his testicles on the shards of glass caused when the pane shattered under his weight.
The raider's plight was discovered by 80-year-old Mrs Edwards who heard the sound of crashing glass in her bathroom.

He was screaming blue murder but I was in no mood to be sympathetic.

When she went to investigate, she found the man dangling half in and half out of the window - his private parts firmly impaled on a vicious spike of glass and blood pouring from his wounds.

"He cried out to me 'I'm dying, please help me' but I was so cross I shouted back 'good!' and ran out of the house," said sprightly Mrs Edwards.

The thief, who had tried to climb in through the Edwards' metal framed windows at their bungalow home in Crowthorne, Berks., had slipped as he tried to open the top quarter-light.
Moments later his feet crashed though the big frosted glass window, sending lethally sharp fragments everywhere.
Worse was to come because as he slid forward, the glass sliced his right testicle, his groin was cut in numerous places - and he became trapped by his belt which hooked over the window handle peg.
Mrs Edwards said: "He was screaming blue murder but I was in no mood to be sympathetic.
"He was trying to burgle our house while we were asleep and goodness knows what he might have done if he had got into the house before we woke up.
"There was blood everywhere - I have had to burn everything including all the carpets because of the mess. The whole thing has upset me a lot.
"My husband is 90 and deaf and he suffered a stroke last year so he wouldn't have been able to do much about the intruder if he had actually got in.
"People might say I am hard or callous because I said 'good' when he said he was dying but I'm not a bit sorry. I am afraid he deserved what he got," added the pensioner who helps her sons run an electrical business in Crowthorne.
"I'm sure I recognised him as one of the chaps who did a botched job after offering to Tarmac our driveway. No doubt he realised we were both elderly and a bit deaf and that's why he tried to break in after dark."
Mrs Edwards was too shaken to be able to press the button on her phone to dial 999 when she found the burglar, but instead ran to her neighbours who called police, paramedics and firefighters.
One of the rescuers at the scene said later that the injured man, aged about 35 years, had been impaled on the glass for almost an hour before he could be released.
"He had lost between three and four pints of blood from his severe and very painful wounds," he said.
"Blood was literally pouring from his groin, cascading down the wall from the window where he was dangling and running into the bath.
"Firefighters, who had to stand in the bath to help remove the glass before he could be lifted to safety, were literally paddling in blood."
The burglar was later taken to Frimley Park Hospital, near Camberley, Surrey, by ambulance and detained for treatment. Police formally arrested him on suspicion of burglary
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Don't care if it is real it is funny as hell and cheered me up, thanks freedom!