hmmmm.......

well I am doing somewhat better.
my going down on meds has stopped. we went down on the trazadone and my head nearly exploded. migraine force 10+. so I had some stashed and replaced it, it took all night for it to stop and now my damn head hurts from hurting. J went to the pharmacy to pick up the rest to get me through until I see my psych provider. I am warming up left overs, and we will eat together and then I will crawl under my heating blanket, not pad, blanket...
it is one of my most favorite things in the whole world.
I sit and play with the lighted dial, as it casts shadows on my wall, as I am falling asleep. it is amazing that something so simple could be so wonderful.
I have massive Dr appts this next week. back to see the Dr that I never want to see again, to get me off the elavil. went and saw PC (primary Care) Dr. yesterday. he is a new one as I could not tolerate the last one. he sits down and launches into a tramadol fit that I could get serotonin syndrome, and die. well as of 2 weeks ago I am off of it, took me a year to go off of it safely.
he looked at me, blinked, and said, "that must of been rough".
ya think?
they really have no idea, do they?
so he moved on to some other rant...
he kept looking at me though, like he wasn't really sure.
we got back to meds and I told him that I intend to go off of every med possible.
he said "so basically you are screwed" when we talked of my pain. what else am I supposed to do?
they have no answers that I like, he told me it would be a good idea if I looked into the pain clinic, again.
what part of "Oh HELL NO!" don't they get?
more pain pills, yeah right. that is the answer.
MY LIVER WILL FAIL. too much medicine for too long.
I have been medicated for 27 years, straight.
I will have to stay on some things, but as much of it that can go will.
it is going to be a very uncomfortable year, what else is new?