NO!... really?

*Sigh*
saw the Dr. today. completely stressed myself out. My stomach is still pissed. he is lowering the elavil 25mgs at a time.
I am at such a loss here.
we talked about my future, fuck!
I just keep telling myself to breath.
he talked about kidney biopsies, interstint, and pain pump with Fentanyl.
I am still in shock.
All I want... what do I want?
I want it to stop hurting.
I finally get to a place where I am almost all okay with me. and the physical pain is making me crazy.
crazier, I guess.
after I get done with the Dr. me and CT go for a drive.
we went to the woods buy the airport. we went for a walk. it was sunny and kinda warm. me, him, and my walker.
I love my walker. you know what? it handles great in the snow, and with help(he took me for a drag) we got up and down hills and such.
yeah me with my haircut yesterday(shaved head and all), walking in the woods with my walker.
and I had my camera in my bag but I took it out this morning. so no pictures.
there is nothing like listening to the jets take off and the woods are silent.
my head hurts I am off to bed with my heating blanket. I have the rest of my life for this.
whatever