Friday, December 5, 2014

a million years....

It has been a million years since I wrote anything. More than anything I am tired. It has been a long year. James died at home of a fall. He hit his head, broke his face,and neck. He went quietly. His diabetes took over and he never woke up. This is something that I play within my mind. Did he suffer? I don't think so. Still i torture myself with it. I feel so much guilt. At least when I had him found he was still in good enough shape forme to say good bye. That is something else I torture myself with, seeing him dead. Whatever. Then I met a guy who seemed nice.crazy but nice. He got crazier and the car got totaled by accident, no one was hurt thank whatever. Then we got another car which lasted a month, a complete lemon. Then we were able through a loan get our current ride which is sweet. I had the yearly tests. They didn't come back good. My uterus has grown by almost 2cm. It is the reason for the pain. The tissue underneath the burnt part is growing. That is why I am bleeding again. So the doctor that is going to preform the surgery is going to clean me out with a claw like tool that will breakup all that scar tissue all 2cm of it. Then put ina IUD if this doesn't work it is off to the OBGYN oncologist to see what they can do. Maybe cancer. Next blood work came back and I need a catscan of my head to rule out a tumor on my pitutary gland. Maybe cancer. Who knows? So the scan will be after christmas ( my insurance has a waiting authorization period. I got the soonest appt I could) then the surgery will be in january. They guy I met is batshit. And he cheated on me. So we wereno longer together. Long story short,I'm lonely, and i know he will break my heart again buti keep seeing him. Stupid lonely me. Enough of that. That is the year in review that I can talk about. I am okay, and hanging in there. Oh the dr wants me to have gastric bypass surgery. WHATEVER!!!!!!! Too much to write ona facebook status. Not enough for a blog. What the hell. Good luck kids,we are going to need it so now I am signing off. Nite all

Friday, January 24, 2014

still standing

Well it is almost Febuary 2014. Still here, still standing. Another diagnosis, more pain and pills. They want to cut me open. Cant do it. I am still losing slowly, but after december and the pharmacy cutting me off my ambien cold turkey, then the flu hit and now i am still experiancing withdrawl symptoms. So that's that just a short check in. One day I will be able to write more openly about my life, just not now. Love to all.