Sunday, May 31, 2009

man bait

Lollipops / Maple Bacon

Bacon lovers unite-finally, you can have your dessert that also contains your favorite food group- Bacon!. This maple and bacon lolli that that's a fiercely delicious combination of real smoky bacon bits and delicious maple syrup giving all at once savory and sweet sensation.

Note: Our lollipops are made with no corn syrup and delicious natural fruit, herb and spice extracts.

Ingredients: sugar, rice syrup, bacon bits, salt, natural smoke flavor, natural bacon flavor, natural maple flavor

1serving- 1 lollipop (8g/.3oz), 30 calories, 0g fat, 7g total carbohydrate, 0g protein

keep in mind that they are a foreign company, still would Homer Simpson like it?


A teacher was doing a study testing the senses (taste)

The children began to identify the flavors by their color:



Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None
of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your

mother may sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and
yelled, 'Oh my God! They're ass-holes!
The teacher had to leave the room!

Freedom and her friday!

(see picture below)
this is one of my best friends Freedom. and she sent this to me Friday. I was speechless. I promptly sent it to J.

he had to say "Finally got to where the fist wasn't enough. I knew she was a big twat, but I didn't know how big."

She is always telling us "to go fist ourselves"

"I want to put that picture up on my blog but you would kill me." is what I replied, when the shock wore off. Now I am not a prude quite to the contrary this is what she wrote me back.


That picture was taken when I went with my friend Robbie and his boyfriend to a gay porn store. You can put it on your blog and talk about how, I called my mother after I left a Porn Store and said "Mom, I'm walking out of a porn store." She thought I said "I'm working out of a porn store.""

This is why I love Freedom, she is just this much fun.

this is a chat between J. and Freedom, earlier today:

Freedom:I am running for President in 2016
My platform?
"If you want to be a real American, you will vote for Freedom."
Whaddya think?
will you vote for me?
me: I saw your platform. I didn't know they make them that big. I will vote for you having the biggest Kashlopus.

Freedom: Kashlopus?
What the hell is a Kashlopus?

Freedom: i dunno who would be my Veep.

Ask Shannon, was his answer, he just told me " that with a Kashlopus like that, she could get anyone she wanted."

for any of you that don't know what a Kashlopus is please see here:

Chelsea Handler of Chelsea Lately on the E network coined this term, watch her and she will tell you what it is, she is on 11pm most nights check your TV listings.
Chelsea is a funny as hell, and for being 34 and drinking like a fish she looks pretty good, considering that she probably did this to make fun of it....

Friday, May 29, 2009


I had a really shitty day, but for some reason my spirits are up, J, bought me flowers and he is up and around, after being flat for a week due to his back spasming.
I like to think that I am tough and have my big girl panties on, but really I love the attention he gives me. I have been deficient in it as, unfortunately I am caught up in my own crap and being a pissed off spoiled 2 year old with a case of the terrible 2's.
So to my best friend I love you and I am sorry I am an asshole.
Now would you stop standing next to me and sulfur burping.
P.S I now have the sulfur burps (so it is not the potato salad) be prepared.

ain't love grand????


“This award is given especially to these readers. Your visits and comments make me happy to be a blogger. I learn from you, your comments, and your blogs more than I can say.

In the words of Voltaire, ‘Appreciation is a wonderful thing: it makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.’”

According to Jesse at and his lovely friend the Seeker, that gave him this award.

Jesse says of this award:
"This award therefore goes out to anyone who knows me and who comments. I am not listing my faves, this time you all are free to take this image and post it on your blogs. All that is required is that you link it back to me, and then ask your peeps to do the same; that in itself is a small price to pay for genuine and caring friendship."

so with Jesse's sentiments I feel the same. In my own way of course.
I know that in the past it has been hard to comment, I think I have fixed that. I know it is still hard to get to my page sometimes, I am working on that. (I am still learning folks, and with my pain level It will be another summer in the house hiding and spending all my time on the computer, so it is a work in progress)
Please go and see Jesse's blog it is creative, fun and touching. a good read and a lovely way to see creativity at it's best.
So go see Jesse, take the award, and do the thing above as requested.

love and fishy fishes

Thursday, May 28, 2009


I am in a foul mood. I can see it, like I am outside of myself. I can see what I am doing wrong saying etc, I just don't care.
I am caught up in the game, and letting other people have my power, walking around pissed off.
and ya know what they don't care and those that do I am burning my bridges with.
I am working to participate with out being pissy... GOOD LUCK WITH THAT!!!
what next?
I have been in the house to long, dealing with all the crap. I need to be out in the summer enjoying it.
And I don't want to leave the house.
I used to care.
My face hurts so bad, on both sides now.
I saw the acupuncturist Tuesday.
Did it really help? I don't think so and at what I am paying I just can't afford it, but with the doctors with no answers I have no choice.
I had an appetite for all of five minutes and now it is gone replaced by a plastic taste in my mouth...
Pain, this kind of pain, makes my life a bother.
I don't know how I will continue, if I don't give a shit.
My life has been reduced to pain and black foulness...
People try to hold a conversation with me and it is like talking to a zombie.
oh well, either I will make it or I won't.
I just don't feel like I have much more in me.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Interesting Notice Found on Craig's List Personals:

the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in
Downtown Blue Grass night before last.

2009-05-06, 10:00pm

I was the guy with the black Burberry jacketthat you demanded I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my wife.You also asked for my
wife's purse and earrings.

I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside

You see, I had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 45-A-CP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening.
Beautiful pistol, eh?

It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again.

I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself and four other people in the gas station this morning a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Caasey's, along with all of the cash in your wallet.

I threw the wallet in a fancy pink "pimp mobile" parked at the curb after I broke the windshield and side window out and keyed the drivers side. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service.

I could only get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was really pissed and we had a long chat (I guess while he traced the number).

I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky.. -

Remember this armed society is a polite society!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Geezer boy

My other half is an AARP member, can get a senior discount at IHOP, and Thinks he is a weak old man, so I call him geezer boy!
I honor of Geezer boy I give you.....

We're Not Old. Just Mature

Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent.
From my purchase this chap took off ten percent.
We asked for the cause of a lesser amount;
And he answered, Because of the Seniors Discount.

We went to McDonald's for a burger and fries;
And there, once again, got quite a surprise.
The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to us.
He said, For you, Seniors, the coffee is free.

Understand---We're not old---We're merely mature;
But some things are changing, temporarily, We're sure.
The newspaper print gets smaller each day,
And people speak softer---can't hear what they say.

Our teeth are our own (We have the receipt.),
and our glasses identify people we meet.
Oh, We've slowed down a bit...not a lot, we're sure.
You see, we're not old...we're only mature.

The gold in our hair has been bleached by the sun.
You should see all the damage that chlorine has done.
Washing our hair has turned it all white,
But don't call it gray...saying blond is just right.

Our car is all paid for...not a nickel is owed.
Yet a kid yells, Old duffer...get off of the road!
Our car has no scratches...not even a dent.
Still we get all that guff from a punk who's Hell bent.

Our friends all get older...much faster than us.
They seem much more wrinkled, from what we can see. We've got character lines, not wrinkles...for sure,
But don't call us old...just call us mature.

The steps in the houses they're building today
Are so high that they take...your breath all away;
And the streets are much steeper than ten years ago.
That should explain why our walking is slow.

But we're keeping up on what's hip and what's new,
And we think we can still dance a mean boogaloo.
We're still in the this we're secure,

We're not really old...WE'RE ONLY MATURE!!

Youth is a gift of nature. Age is a work of art.
I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making
my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.

They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful.
But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers,
or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and
compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.
So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their
hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore.
I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever,
but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day(if I feel like it).




Your words, your dreams, and your thoughts have power to create
conditions in your life. What you speak about, you can bring about.

If you keep saying you can't stand your job, you might lose your job.
If you keep saying you can't stand your body, your body can become sick.
If you keep saying you can't stand your car, your car could be stolen or just stop operating.
If you keep saying you're broke, guess what? You'll always be broke.
If you keep saying you can't trust a man or trust a woman, you will always find someone in your life to hurt and betray you.
If you keep saying you can't find a job, you will remain unemployed.
If you keep saying you can't find someone to love you or believe in you, your very thought will attract more experiences to confirm your beliefs.
If you keep talking about a divorce or breakup in a relationship, then you might end up with it.

Turn your thoughts and conversations around to be more positive and power packed with faith, hope, love and action.
Don't be afraid to believe that you can have what you want and deserve.

Watch your Thoughts, they become words.
Watch your Words, they become actions.
Watch your Actions, they become habits.
Watch your Habits, they become character.
Watch your Character, for it becomes your Destiny.

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settle for
Thought I would share this with you.

In the search for Me, I discovered Truth.
In the search for Truth, I discovered Love.
In the search for Love, I discovered possibilities.
And in possibilities, I have found Everything.

Be Blessed

Watch how your circumstances and situations begin to change when you
change the way you speak.

'Life is like melted butter . . . once things cool down, it can be reshaped.

Friday, May 22, 2009

my thoughts on meditation

I have been working on meditating. I have to do something. My TN is getting worse, it is ingrained the right side of my face, and is starting on the left. It is presenting it's self around my nose up to my ear and around my eye socket, it hasn't gotten under my chin, yet...

I am leaner, and heavier, I lost 50 lbs of fat and gained 60lbs of muscle. that has presented problems of it's own with my female organs. Nothing that I can't deal with.

I am trying to do more, and help more, but I can do one day, and I have to sleep for 2 days. and hide for a week. I spent all of last spring/summer in my room hiding, due to my face pain, trying to find answers. and learning allot on the computer. it helped me find what is so/so helping. and my PCP can only offer me heat/cold and meditation. Acupuncture has gotten too expensive. I can barely pay for my chinese herbs. it is sad when people ask me what I want for my birthday in 3 weeks. and I tell them, money to put to acupuncture or the chinese herbs, or massage/energy work.
pain pills don't work on nerves, and the nerve pills, are not an option. (see they work, too well, and they end up killing the nerves in your teeth, I have lost all of my upper teeth, and can't wear a denture due to pain, and I can't lose what lower teeth I have, due to the nerves in the teeth dying...)

So that leads me to meditation.
I have some Qigong (Che-gong) exercises and breathing that I do.

there are 4 of them that I do. Now don't go thinking that I am all graceful. I am 491lbs and I do them sitting down, to the best of my ability. I have the most beautiful piece of rose quartz in the shape of a heart that my teacher/person gifted me with. I put it right at my heart chakra

Now the heart chakra is important, (as are all of them) for me it is where my emotional pain manifests it's self physically. All the way through to my back. When they thought that I had a heart attack last December, it wasn't, it was from doing difficult work, through very difficult issues.
The pain was real. as real as the issues that haunt me.
So I have all my physical pain and emotion pain causing more physical pain.
As a very wise person told me "There are so many hurts that we don't know what the original one was.."
Some times I can see the first one then the ones that came along, then I puke and try not to think at all.
here is my lovely heart!

So I am also looking into autogenics.

from the Wikipedia:
"Example of an autogenic training session

1. Sit in the meditative posture and scan the body
2. "my left arm is heavy and warm" (repeat 3 times)
3. "my arms and legs are heavy and warm" (repeat 3 times)
4. "my heartbeat is calm and regular" (repeat 3 times)
5. "my solar plexus is warm" (repeat 3 times)
6. "my forehead is cool"
7. finish part one by cancelling
8. start part two by repeating from steps 2 to cancelling
9. part three repeat steps 2 to cancelling

Quite often, one will ease themselves into the "trance" by counting to ten, and exit by counting backwards from ten. This is another practice taken from progressive relaxation."
once again from the Wikipedia.

At this point I am looking into everything and everything that doesn't cost anything.

Sometimes I feel like I am losing, then I am, then I am gaining... then I am.

my person told me that I need to keep the water moving.

(it means that my water element is stagnant)
water flows, water has no fear, no worries. when water reaches a boulder in it's way it flows around.

I am to be like water, All I know is that i am in so much pain that I will go here and meditate.
but meditation for me is almost impossible due to the rabid weasel in my brain that eats my brain.

in my DBT therapy I am working on my quiet mind my wise mind....
so this is what i have come up with.


I am a stone in the bottom of the deepest ocean.
I am laying in the silty smooth ocean floor.
Above me is the pressure of the sea, covering me, flowing over me.
The ocean has made me smooth with time amd pressure.
Fishes swim by me kissing the ocean currents.
I am as old as the earth, the ocean.
I am part of every drop of water,
every blade of grass,
every grain of sand,
every crystal of ice.
I am in every particle of dust.
In every drop of water that has every been, that will ever be.
I am old as time and as new as my next breath.
I am part of every living thing past, present and future.
From a single cell to a super nova.
I am part of the earth, part of the magma, part of the crust, the soil, the plants, the animals the humans.
I am stardust and nothing, floating in space on a ball with all life and none before time.
Limited and limitless.

so there you have it. this is what I mediate to, or a version of it, it is different every time.
but relatively the same, as I have to keep thinking to the next part. when my mind won't slow down, that is the story I tell myself. when my mind wanders as it always does I go back to the beginning.
I am so sick and tired, of being sick and tired.

What is it with people?

I just don't get it...
I guess I have lead a very sheltered life for a long time, and I have forgot how bad people can really be with hidden agenda's. Fear and meanness cloud their minds and judgments.

Mens are shallow callous creatures that judge people by there looks...
and women.... WFT???

women are the fairer sex, the weaker sex... BULLSHIT!

They are calculating vicious monsters.

And the politics and scheming, and the backstabbing.

This is why I live with 15 men. they may be pigs and want to kill you and/or rape you, (before after and during)

men don't smile while they are cutting your throat and bad mouthing you.

My only concession is Karma.

everything comes back to you.

why is it that no good deed goes unpunished?

Thanks for letting me vent, and to my friends I love ya. (thank whatever that not everyone is that way)

Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Human Body

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).

The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average persons skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men are still busy checking their thumbs.


I just found my comments to my blog in my SPAM filter, so if any of your comments haven't shown up that is why...! I am going to, when I get time, delete intense debate and go back to what the rest of you have. I am sorry for the confusion, I love you all.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

No comment.....

Monday, May 18, 2009

hold your stomaches best of Craigslist part !!

You are warned....

You worthless bag of filth
Reply to:
Date: 2009-02-26, 7:37AM

You vulgar little maggot.
You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a slug than be seen with you. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.
You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beast who sired you and then killed himself in recognition of what he had done. Your daddy was a bastard, your mama was a whore, and you wouldn't be here if the rubber hadn't tore. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you.
You have all the appeal of a booger. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?
You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood.
May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Sheep won't have sex with you, only trash such as yourself.
You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.
And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?
You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper. On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool.
You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of a used condom. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.
You are a fiend and a coward, and you have toe jam. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away forever.
I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me.
After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left.

* Location: You swine
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


Oh boy does some one have issues but which one?

You read the Best of Craigslist, don't you?

Everyone with a computer should know what CL is. and they have the neatest thing, the Best of Craigslist... that is where the masses have voted and the made that ad a best of. now competition is stiff (^O^)
this is one of my favorites so enjoy!

Dear Mr. Scammer
I owe you a few apologies:
• I am sorry for responding and saying sure I am happy to engage in a bizarre business deal with you knowing full well it isn’t real.
• I am sorry you wasted time to print a horrible fake check.
• I am sorry you spent $4.90 UPS’ing it to me overnight.
• I am sorry for taking a few days to get back to you after I got the check and ask you for your phone number which you can’t give me. I knew that and still I emailed you for the phone number.
• I am sorry that I lied to you and said I could not find a western union office near me, making you look them up, emailing me a list and me telling you those two liquor stores are shut down.
• I am sorry that I lied to you about getting pissed at the western union office because they wanted $1.75 to cut a check and that I said that’s robbery and left in a huff. The truth is I never went there in the first place. Sorry for wasting your time that day.
• I’m sorry I lied the next day after you threaten to call the FBI and local police on me because I cashed your check and would not pay you. I knew you would not, but I wrote you an email begging you not to call the police and that I would pay you tomorrow after I cashed the check.
• I’m sorry that I lied the next day and said the western union office girl was rude to me so I left in anger, again delaying your money by another day.
• Im sorry I lied about sending the money to western union in your name vs the shipper so you could not pick it up. I realize this cost you a day or so.
• I am really sorry that I lied and said that the money order was at your western union, but off by 1 zip code making you drive 30 minutes to find out I am a liar.
• Your last email to me was justified. Obviously from your language you were pissed. The fact that as you "YELLED” and your grasp of the English language seemed to fade away like my Mom’s when she is livid showed me what a bad person I am.
• Your phone call from Africa? was upsetting because as you were trying to explain to me how to go down to western union and pay the $1.75 and you would pick up the fee, I realized how frustrated you were getting. I also lied about being hard of hearing and asking you to yell. Sorry.
All in all, I am sorry for sucking up your bandwidth. I realize that my actions probably sucked up 6-10 hours of your time and kept you from fleecing some gullible person in America.
Please forgive me. Go ahead and send me another forged check and I will send you my cash to your shipper. Please try me again. Even though I lied you to about 15 times I won’t do it again.
Your friendly computer person.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

blog awards... YEAH!!!


Both are for any of my lovely reader that want the awards.

(BETH of Judging the Books are you listening????)

love and fishy fishes!

Friday, May 15, 2009

aging gracefully!

Click to make bigger! (if only all things worked like that!!!)



Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's party.

Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all.

He didn't even remember how he got home from the party.

As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a
couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.

And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in
front of him, all clean and pressed.

He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly
clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at
him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of
the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make
you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian'

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming
hot coffee and the morning newspaper.

His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, 'Son, what
happened last night?'

'Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind you fell over
the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door'

Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order and
so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??'

His son replies, 'Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when
she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone bitch, I'm married!!'

Broken coffee Table $239.99
Hot breakfast $4.20
Two aspirins $.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time:


Wednesday, May 13, 2009

welcome to my new follower


is the latest lovely person to follow this blog!


May you laugh and your pants stay dry!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Why I love Freedom....

cause she sends me stuff like this...

Boy I bet that was some ride....

Sunday, May 10, 2009

The Mother of all MOTHER"S days!

I went and visited my grandmother yesterday and I had made her some flowers, as I didn't like the grave wreaths for $25.00 (as I am a broke person) so I spent 10.00 and got her the bouquet in the pictures(that are included in this post that were taken at 8 pm last night) I put 4 stems together and bought some floral tape and wire and feather butterflies.
NOW she would of like roses, but since she is no longer alive and I am buying I bought what I liked. It is so easy to buy for the dead...

the conversation went something like this and keep in mind it was all one sided...

"hey bitch! happy mothers day! I see they got rid of your birthday flowers from last year, so I will bring some more on your birth day."

(I visit at least 3 times a year M-Day B-Day and right around Death~Day in late Oct, early November. I usually do it the day or week before so on the day I am oblivious, and usually the day goes buy and a week later I'm like glad I did it before hand!)

So back to conversation " I hear that Mother will be join you all in hell soon... warn grandfather that mother is coming cause he is in for it. she will probably lead the castration party and so you can take a break..."
"oh by the way since you are one hot momma I am planting Cilantro on your side of the grave."

(I had some Cilantro seeds and I have a black thumb so I thought why not, I brought some water and sprinkled the seeds if they grow oh well... it thought it fitting, it will get mowed... the tree right in front of the grave stone is the heartiest tree around and always had the most lush red berries, and it stays greener longer than the ones around it. Grandmother could grow anything so I am putting it to the test...)
(oh and there was a nice dusting of volcanic ash on the grave stone so that Cilantro should just shoot up with 60 some odd degree weather and a ton of sunny days.)

I took some pictures and told her to stay warm... J. almost wet himself listening to me.

I am still working on grandmother issues, and grandfather too, so not quite at the radical acceptance part, but getting there.

today's like today hold nothing for me it's is just another useless holiday altho I don't shriek at people when the wish me happy mothers day any more.

there is just a void there, just like the blood family void...

good thing about the holiday? the flowers will be way reduced tomorrow and J. is going flower shopping. he wants to fill my room with flowers, and he might be able to do it cheap, I am only going to put so much money in his wallet, or he will go crazy and I will have to tighten the budget (which I am doing anyway just because of everything) cause my b-day is 4 1/2 weeks away and he wants to do something... he only has 4 b-day cards for me at this point... (he just came by and asked me how much money we have for flowers tomorrow, God I love this man.)

So happy Mothers day to all you MOTHERS!!!

So I am full of sarcasm and bitterness when it comes to today. Maybe it will be better when my mother dies of liver failure and or whatever kind of cancer she has this time. then I can have honest talks with out the brand of insanity that is my mother and her bullshit and all I will have to just deal with mine!

This is just wrong to say but I like my grandmother dead, better than I did when she was alive.

I am sure it will be true of both of my parents.

oh well, back to therapy...

thanks for reading!
love and fishy fishes

Saturday, May 9, 2009

hahahaha... Freedom sent me this

Oh Egon!!!!

I ain't 'fraid of no ghosts!!!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

look what Freedom emailed me!

gotta love plastic action figures and road kill squirrels!

Thanks Freedom!

all the fun that you can have at 1 am with a crack head!

I was at the ER tonight from 6pm to 1am. I have lost allot of fat. I am still heavy but it is allot of muscle. Fat in women stores estrogen. and as a woman gets heavier her periods tend to disappear.
that is what has happened in my case, most of my adult life my periods have always been wonky, for a long time I was on hormones. (the abuse didn't help any)

(they have taken me off due to the fact that my Mother has had cancer 3 times, all hormonal and the last was breast cancer brought on by HRT from the previous cancer being cervical and having a total hysterectomy at the age of 32 or 33. My mother now has the cancer enzymes in her blood they just haven't figured out where cancer #4 is. she has 5 years, but you all know that from reading my previous posts)

now as long as I have a period every 90 days my ob/gyn is very happy and I have to take no pills (hormones)
well this time I was 46 days between! meaning instead of 4 periods a year I will have at least 6. and they will increase as I drop weight. last time I was 375lbs I was every 31 days.

the problem with the weight loss (the fat) is I just dumped a whole bunch of estrogen into my system. (along with other toxins that my fat was protecting me from) what does that mean?
in the last 24 hrs I have lost allot of blood, way, way more than usual. I won't go into how much for men read this blog, but enough to make the dr. on call make me go to the ER. I couldn't think straight, I was dizzy to the point of passing out. and a giant cramp from just below my ribs to my toes.
well they took blood and did an pap exam. I had my own meds with me so I took those, as per dr.
I am to push fluids I went and got some electrolyte drinks. and some Pamprin (god save the world)
for those of you it is like Midol with out the caffeine. ( let me rant for a minute, CAFFEINE? are those stupid assholes for real? give a pissed off woman with PMS and cramps caffeine? okay that is like giving a 2 year old, a quad espresso and a can of chili) if you don't get this read my post of the lady who told the Have a nice period guy what to do...
so I am also on bed rest so I don't fall on my face, as I am down about a pint of blood. in 24 hrs!
so I have to follow up with dr's and ob/gyn. oh well...

So this is where the fun starts. I am released and I am waiting for J. to come get me from the ER.
I am waiting outside and it smells like it is going to rain and it is cool out. (keep in mind I am going from freezing due to the blood loss and hot flashes due to being female)
and it is dark out and quiet.
well this woman and i use that term loosely tries to steal someone else's cab and gets caught so now she is sitting with me cause she is cold... (go inside where it is warm!!!)
she is strung out...
and I ask her why she is in the ER.
Your gonna love this. she crashed her truck today in a snowbank and broke her nose...
*it is May*, *it has been in the upper 60's and sunny for a week* *there is no sign of snow* *anywhere*, and hasn't been for 3 weeks, we have dust! and all the stuff left from the snow like the sand and crap that they put on the road, we are starting to get green grass and the dog shit has been in bloom for almost a month!
more like her pimp beat her up... okay...
I feel bad for her, and she is painfully thin, crack thin.
she is eying me and my tinker bell purse. and keeps scooting closer to me.
I have had enough.
she asks me why I was in the ER I have my cough mask around my arm. (my allergies are in full bloom and I can't stop coughing and almost 3 weeks ago I had an asthma attack that put me in the ER with 10 days of prednisone, and I caught the tail end of the crud at the time and all of the dust is killing me.
anyone with a cough *HAS* to wear a mask... as Charli wrote today she was at her dr appt and the receptionist asked her to wear a mask as she is at the tail end of bronchitis (no longer contagious), but with the swine flu scare it is like saying the word BOMB! so you wear one.)
I will directly quote to you what I said to the crack head eying my purse...

"See the mask that is on my arm? I have swine flu, and since I am outside and the mask is hot I took it off." Oh and I start coughing which sounds like a seal getting raped...

Boy did she move as far away from me as possible as quickly as possible!
I know it was mean... but she was in my personal space, and trying to figure out if I had narcotics on me and if she could get my purse away from me.
I used to be her. all except the painfully thin. and if I went to the ER at least I had a better story. (I broke my knee in the tub and was still in the tub and wet when the paramedics got there, even though it was my ex husband that did it he then stripped me naked and put me in the tub and got me wet before he called for help)

I have just spent 7 miserable hrs in the ER, I am in pain,(the 2 male nurses that triaged me asked me to rate the pain on a scale of 1 to 10, I told them it felt like someone had kicked me in the nuts with steel toed cleats, if I had nuts! one nurse cringed and reached for his junk and the other laughed, gotta have a sense of humor with a 7 hr wait and a pap smear(Oh yes you are bleeding heavily!)) I turned down heavy narcotics, (ie IV morphine and a script of percocet). I have my pills and they get me by, they by no means do more than take the edge off of most of the pain, but I am no longer a junkie and I am learning to live with and deal with my pain from what ever source it comes. Pain is my friend. I hate my friend, but I am not a drooling stupid thieving junkie. I am a person on my road of life trying to make the best of what my road has to offer. I am lucky I am not as sick as some people, and I have more good days than bad... well not in the last month but oh well...

So to the force that runs the universe, I messed with a junkies head, and I was not a nice person. I am sorry and I know that my Karma will come back to me on this one.
It was still funny as hell.
I am not always a nice person. and some people are still fair game. I'm working on it.
the karma pool will have something interesting in for me I am sure.

So next time you are accosted by a crack head at 1 am in an ER parking lot, hopefully you will be nicer than I was. and hopefully You won't get robbed.
Oh well *W*H*A*T*E*V*E*R!!!

this is why I am going to hell!

thanks for reading,
love and fishy fishes.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Spread the duh!

Only in America drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.


Only in banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.


Only in we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage

Only in we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.


Only in they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens
our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors and lawyers call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with th e slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two frigging mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

these are just a few things to ponder...


I'm sure that you have seen this before but, it is too funny~!

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.'

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.
'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.'

She calmly turned her head and said,
'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.'

To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied , without missing a beat,

'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you.
Tray -up, Bitch'
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behaviour that was going on. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time. When he returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.

God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.'

So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time.

When the angel returned he went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good.'
God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% that were good, because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what the e-mail said?

Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.

on a serious note...


Something to consider
Next time you go shopping for

This comes from someone
Who works in the breast cancer unit at

Mt. Sinai Hospital , in Toronto .

Recently a lipstick brand called 'Red Earth'

Decreased their prices from
$67 to $9.90.

It contained lead.

Lead is a chemical which causes cancer.

The lipstick brands that contain lead are:







RED EARTH (Lip Gloss)

CHANEL (Lip Conditioner)


The higher the lead content,

The greater the chance of causing cancer.

After doing a test on lipsticks,

It was found that the Y.S.L. Lipstick
Contained the most amount of lead.

Watch out for those lipsticks
Which are supposed to stay longer.

If your lipstick stays longer, it is
Because of the higher content of lead.

Here is the test you can do yourself:

1. Put some lipstick on your hand.

2. Use a Gold ring to scratch on the lipstick.

3. If the lipstick colour changes to black,

Then you know the lipstick contains lead.

Please send this information to all your girlfriends,

Wives and female family members.

This information is being circulated at

Walter Reed Army Medical Centre

Dioxin Carcinogens cause cancer,

Especially breast cancer

I had to check this out with snopes and this is what I found:

there determination?

Mostly false

Baby Queen



Click on Baby Queen

how to use chocolate to tell your age

1. Determine how many times a week you eat or want to eat chocolate. It must be a number between 1 and 10, including 1 or 10.
2. Multiply that number by 2.

3. Add 5 to the previous result.

4. Multiply that by 50.

5. Add the current year (Gregorian). (2009)

6. Subtract 250 if you've had a birthday this year. If you haven't had a birthday this year, subtract 251.

8. Subtract your birth year.


9. You'll end up with a 3 or 4 digit number. The last two digits are your age (if you're under 10 years old there will be a zero before your age). The remaining one or two digits will be the number of times per week you eat or want chocolate (the number you specified in the first step).