Saturday, May 29, 2010

Making a Baby. This is hilarious!

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!--

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided
to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the
proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife goodbye
and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make
a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am',he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed,
'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good.
Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please
come in and have a seat!

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one
on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes
the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for
Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.
But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or
seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love
to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed
with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio
of his baby pictures 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider
their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get
a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate,
and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, Oh, yes!. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and
we can get to work right away..'


'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too
big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted .
The four Goldberg Brothers

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.

The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.

Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.

They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.

And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.

I can hear your groans from here. Control yourself !!!
I don't write this stuff, I just forward it. Now you do the same...

Wee Jock

Wee Jock

Teacher: "Good morning children, each Thursday we're going to have a general knowledge quiz.
The pupil who gets the answer right can have Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday."

Wee Jock (a typical Scottish wag) thinks, "Ya dancer. Ah'm pure dead brilliant at ma general knowledge stuff an' that.
This is gonnae be a dawdle, come ahead ya radge, a lang weekend fir me."

Teacher: "Right class, who can tell me who said 'Don't ask what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?'

Wee Jock shoots up his hand, waving furiously in the air. Teacher looking round picks Jeremy at the front.
Teacher: "Yes, Jeremy." Jeremy (in a very English accent): "Yes miss, the answer is J F Kennedy his inauguration speech in 1960."

Teacher: "Very good Jeremy. You may stay off Friday and Monday and we will see you back in class on Tuesday."

The next Thursday comes around, and Wee Jock is even more determined.

Teacher: "Who said. 'We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them in the air, we will fight them at sea. But we will never surrender?'"

Wee Jock's hand shoots up, arm stiff as a board, shouting "I know. I know!
Me Miss, me Miss!"

Teacher looking round and picks Timothy, sitting at the front: "Yes Timothy." Timothy (in a very, very posh, English accent):
"The answer is Winston Churchill, his 1941 Battle of Britain speech."

Teacher: "Very good Timothy, you may stay off Friday and Monday and come back to class on Tuesday."

The following Thursday comes around and Wee Jock is hyper, he's been studying encyclopaedias all week and he's ready for anything that comes.

He's coiled in his wee plastic chair, slavers dripping in anticipation.

Teacher: "Who said 'One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind'?"

Wee Jock's arm shoots straight in the air, he's standing on his seat, jumping up and down screaming "Miss, me miss, meeeeee!"

Teacher looking round the class picks Rupert, sitting at the front: "Yes Rupert."
Rupert (in a frightfully, frightfully, ever so plumy English accent): "Yes miss, that was Neil Armstrong. 1969, the first moon landing."
Teacher: "Very good Rupert. You may stay off Friday and Monday and come back into class on Tuesday."

Wee Jock loses the plot altogether, tips his desk and throws his wee chair at the wall.
He starts screaming: "Fur f***s sake, Where did all these English B******S come from?"

Teacher, looking round the class: "Who said that?"

Wee Jock grabs his coat and bag and heads for the door, "Sir William Wallace, Battle of Falkirk, July 1298, See yous on Tuesday!!"

Friday, May 28, 2010

nelly blighs and little truth... the answers!

1. I have had 2 medical marijuana cards in my life. true.~ I got mine due to the fact that I was a smoker and my ex had gotten arrested for 6/8th and 2 plants. so I got mine, then got him his. the police came back (the same ones that arrested him) later, for a noise complaint and asked if we had any pot. I told them to hold on, and went and got my card told them that not only could I posses, but grow and smoke right in front of them and there wasn't a damn thing they could do about it. they passed it around, took the smirks off of there faces and promptly left.

2. I have had a police officer put the end of his gun to my temple and tell me not to move. true~ I was a crack addict in the past. I was harbouring a fugitive the police broke down the door with the landlords help. we were smoking my ex put down the pipe and they came in. I had a hit in my hand and the officer put the end of his gun to my temple and told me not to move, the hit was in the hand facing the couch so I slipped it in the couch cushion and brought my hand up. they arrested a number of people and I talked my landlord out of evicting me. then I went and found the hit and smoked it, it was my last hit of crack ever. my ex asked me what I did with the hit and I told him that I dropped it in the couch. he tore the couch apart and never did find it.

3. I have never been in jail. false/true~ I have passed through as a 15 year old on the way to a shelter, but never stayed.

4. I have have been in the loony bin more times than I can count. true...~ OBVIOUSLY! one of my lovely visits I had a guy sitting next to me in a 2 seater couch, we were waiting to go to breakfast, he kept going "you are FAT you are so fat, you are really fat." he kept working himself up, I was 400 some odd lbs. so I reached over and touched his leg and looked at him sincerely, and told him it was contagious. he started screaming and clawing at himself. needless to say we were late for breakfast as the were trying to get him in a straight jacket. they looked at me and I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't do anything. HA!

5. I have seen the new Alice in Wonderland TEN times. false~ I have seen it twice, would like to live there.

6. I was the Madam of a whore house. true~ I was the 1/2 owner of a escort agency called 'the temporary affair', our girls were strippers from a nude bar and I did the rough tricks and ran the girls. I had a guy that like to tie people up. he had rope and handcuffs and all kinds of gear. so he is tying me up and wants to put a bag over my head, I told him that he could put a towel over my face, so he puts a hand cuff on me, I stopped him there and asked him if he had the key, he said no, so I told him to go get the key and to bring more money. he left and 5 minutes later I was out of the handcuff, I waited 40 minutes and he came back, I put the hand cuff back on, I opened the door told him to give me the money and the key. he did, I then unlocked myself, gave him (threw) all of gear back at him and told him that if I ever saw him again my ex would work him over and slammed the door in his face. quickest 250.00 I ever made.

7. I have tattoo's of 2 butterflies on my body. true~ one each above each breast. I got the first when my ex wife came up to marry me in a hand-fasting ceremony, she had a turtle on her ankle, so I put a butterfly above my right breast. the the girl I ran the house with wanted to go get her baby daddies name on her ring finger, she wanted me to go with (she was a pussy for pain) I told her I would go if she bought me a tattoo of my choice so that is how I ended up with the one on the left side. side note: the next day she broke up with baby daddy. I laughed SO hard!

I was a wild woman in my 20's and early thirties. it almost killed me. I can never imagine doing it again, and I have some really wild stories. but that was another life ago and a totally different person from who I am now. I am approaching 40 with 5+ years clean/sober. that is why I have made it to 40.
thanks for playing!

Thursday, May 27, 2010


it is 74 degrees here, and I am dying!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

nelly blighs and little truth...

AV didn't nominate me but I thought this might be fun so here it goes!

Okay ... here are the rules:

* Thank the person who gave this to you
* Link to the person who nominated you. (CLICK ON THE TITLE!)
* Tell up to six outrageous lies about yourself, and at least one outrageous truth – or – switch it around and tell six outrageous truths and one outrageous lie.
* Nominate seven “Creative Writers” who might have fun coming up with outrageous lies.
* Post links to the seven blogs you nominate.
* Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know you nominated them.

Ready for my lies & truths? See if you can figure out if I've told 6 lies and 1 truth or 6 truths and 1 lie:

1. I have had 2 medical marijuana cards in my life.

2. I have had a police officer put the end of his gun to my temple and tell me not to move.

3. I have never been in jail.

4. I have have been in the loony bin more times than I can count.

5. I have seen the new Alice in Wonderland TEN times.

6. I was the Madam of a whore house.

7. I have tattoo's of 2 butterflies on my body.

Hmm ... so which is truth and which is fabrication? Can you guess?

Now to the nominations, this is open to whoever wants to do it. have fun!

Seven delectable, er deadly sins

Seven delectable, er deadly sins
Yet another meme.
thanks to Kristin at

Sloth - how do you relax? buy going to the gym and floating in the private hot tub. I am also teaching myself to do the Olympic turn. I love to swim, I love water.

Gluttony - What can't you get enough of, even though it's bad for you? sugar. chocolate and food. I am fat and in pain and I have to stay away from certain things. I just love to eat, damn it!

Greed - What do you get greedy for? affection. I love to be loved.

Envy - What makes you green? things that I will never be, smart enough , thin enough the usual shit.

Lust - What does it for you? having my butt rubbed, and being in water.

Pride - What are you inordinately proud of? that I am still around and that my hard work is paying off. no one promised fair or fun, I love my life.

Wrath (Anger) - What makes you cranky? EVERYTHING!!! I am the crankopotamus, fear me!

What about you? What are your deadly sins?


I am in allot of pain and on pills that make me stupid. I had bad dreams and can't go back to sleep, just to scared and tired.
this is what I came up with. new blog. about food.

I am hanging in the best I know how.

I am also going to be forty on June 14th. all ready picked out my present, a right hand ring, for my 3rd finger (the one next to the pinky) it is heavy and pretty kinda like this (it was as similar as I could find as the ring isn't in my possession but getting sized and then it won't see it till my bday.

I like the ring as I am right handed and I am tough on my stuff. and there are no prongs to catch on things.
I am really getting okay with the big 40.
how else can I be. I am in allot of pain and it is going to be here with or without my permission. I am actually looking forward to it as a passing mile stone, for my life to get better.
I didn't find true love till 35. and no way can my life be as bad as the first 35, and if it is I will just keep my head down and plug away.
thanks for all the love everyone!

I have a new blog!

it is fun and about food. check it out I command thee!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Neither Blond Nor Female...

These contractors are installing the steel pillars

in concrete to stop vehicles from parking

on the pavement outside a Sports Bar down town.

They are now in the process of cleaning up

at the end of the day and anxious to go home.

How long do you think it will be

before they realize where they parked?

Sunday, May 16, 2010

If I were...

If I were...

If I were a month, I would be February in the frozen wasteland

If I were a day of the week, I would be Sunday, I am Sunday's child

If I were a time of day, I would be 4am, when the sun sets, then rises, in the month of June in Alaska

If I were a planet, I would be one yet to be found

If I were an animal, I would be a Penguin

If I were a direction, I would be some where near the middle

If I were a piece of furniture, I would be a tree waiting to be made

If I were a liquid, I would be boiling water

If I were a gemstone, I would be amber with a insect inside

If I were a tree, I would be willow

If I were a tool, I would be a measuring tape

If I were a flower, I would be a lily

If I were a kind of weather, I would be a snow storm

If I were a musical instrument, I would be a tin whistle

If I were a color, I would be red

If I were an emotion, I would be melancholy

If I were a fruit, I would be an sweet autumn apple

If I were a sound, I would be humming

If I were an element, I would be air

If I were a car, I would be a bike

If I were a food, I would be my stuffed mushrooms

If I were a place, I would be my bed at night

If I were a material, I would be flannel

If I were a taste, I would be bacon

If I were a scent, I would be basil tea

If I were an object, I would be something in the corner

If I were a body part, I would be the divot underneath the nose

If I were a facial expression, I would be a raised eye brow

If I were a pair of shoes, I would be very comfortable, and able to be worn all day

A meme that been going around. No idea where it started. got it from Kristin @

What about you? What would you be?

Friday, May 14, 2010

that shoulddo ya, thanks cave troll!

Sunday morning!

it is what it is, isn't it? Never sure.

I lost a friendship recently, and I am kinda sure what happened but when they won't even talk to you what do you do?
I have tried to call and tried to apologize, but she wont answer or call me back.
she is a 5+ year friend the first one I had getting clean/sober.
she made a comment that she was telling on herself getting on the internet, looking at the Canadian Pharmacies were they sell narcotics with out a RX.

I made the comment that I had to, but 5 years in jail was enough to put me off from looking at them, or even thinking about them.
Kinda crass huh?

I look at drinking and smoking in the same light.
I could do both of them, and no one could stop me.
But I choose not to, I don't want the trouble that comes with such things.
Smoking = not being able to breath.
Drinking = pain in my bladder, being sick, and just generally sucks, and the people that hang around you are assholes, cause I turn into even more of an asshole, than normal.

now pills. I have always it seems (well since I was 14 yo) taken pills, LOTS of them.
and I hate them, REALLY. REALLY.REALLY. REALLY!!!!! ( you get the idea)

I used to love the damn things. and wanted to be physically ill, so I would have a reason to take them.

don't wish for things folks...
it sucks being in Chronic pain with over lapping conditions.
it hurts to sit and ride in a car, it hurt to pee and poop. sex is out of the ?.
it hurt to have a hug, brush what remaining teeth I have. to kiss some one.
air blowing on my face and certain sounds make me want to kill/curl up in a ball and cry~ but that is painful too.

I see my medications as a tool, so I can sleep (well not tonight, I had a horrendous nightmare and don't want to go back to sleep, but I will have to eventually)
live my life and do the things that need to be done in my life.

I know it sounds repetitive and that I am whining, all I talk about is pain.
that is all I know right now and for a long while back and to come.
this blog was started for me.
I am glad I have followers, but I don't do this for you. I do it for me.
This is the way I journal.

I am surprised that I have any followers. I lost 5 a while back.
Oh well...
I have never been popular. don't care to be.
Bottom line, I have to live my life and I am angry right now,
I don't understand, and it was never promised with the instructions that came with me that it would be fair or fun, or easy.
this is it for better or worse.

I have been pissing people off all of my life, why stop now?
I love my friends and my followers.
and I will keep learning about myself and my pain till it is my time.
the rest is just details.

I have no Idea if any of this makes sense, and I will be damned if I start caring now.
back to the nightmares.
hope you all sleep better than I do and don't dread it like I do.
it is what it is, isn't it? Never sure.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

what is it with people?

�2001 Susan Mrosek. All rights reserved
go to
She rocks, buy her stuff I have, including the one above!

I am trying to rent rooms where I live, it goes with the job...

What is it with people?
the owner of the building put the ad in the paper, I have it on Craigslist.
the people from the paper are FAR WORSE.
People always bad mouth CL.
the newspaper brings the stupid, rude, and just plain desperate.
I am trying to heal, and taking pain pills.
I am trying to do many things, that need to be done that I have put off while trying to heal.
can't put off things much longer.
I am beginning to think that I have bitten off more than I can chew.

now Kristin @
has come up with blogging in the buff, you dirty minded fool it means with no make-up on.
The FULL MONTY is what you were thinking of which is what I do on a regular basis with my 211kg of loveliness.
go to her blog I command ya! participate!

right now I am clothed with my shirt on inside out, it was the best I could manage today.
considering how much pain I am in.
I have something called Interstitial Cystitis, this will tell you what it is:

it has overlapping conditions such as the TN and TMJ that I have each on one side of my face respectively, as well as chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia, which I am going to be tested for here in the next couple of months.
so some answers. it is not curable but it can be managed, yeah like my face is managed!

it is what it is.
everyone has something and I should be grateful that I am living, just right now I am pissed and pain pilled stupid. &%#*!!!!~!
at least they are now taking me seriously about my daily pain level.
pain pills aren't the answer, they are what I have for now. (and I hate them)
back when I was a junkie I would of killed for a reason that they could find for giving me them on a full time basis. now that I am clean and sober I wish it was anything but.
I hate being stupid and pissy, and constipated. I have to go for walkies tonight and try to make it to the store for pears. you bake them and eat them and they give ya good poopums.
I am just miserable, but life goes on and so on and so forth, ad nauseum.

We (and I mean the royal WE) will preserver as always in the face of adversity...
(I'm not buying it are ya? I thought so)
it is what it is....

Monday, May 10, 2010


Classic Quotes by Homer Simpson (1955- ) Power plant worker, astronaut, grease collections/sales, mayoral bodyguard, sports mascot, sanitation commissioner, et. al.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!


When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.


I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.


I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.


How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?


Operator! Give me the number for 911!


Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.


Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.


Maybe, just once, someone will call me "sir" without adding, "you're making a scene."


Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

today is not only mothers day!

Classic Quotes by Sir James M. Barrie (1860-1937) Scottish writer, his bday is today!

A safe but sometimes chilly way of recalling the past is to force open a crammed drawer. If you are searching for anything in particular you don't find it, but something falls out at the back that is often more interesting.


A woman can be anything the man who loves here would have her be.


Always be a little kinder than necessary.


Ambition - it is the last infirmity of noble minds.


Do you believe in fairies? Say quick that you believe. If you believe, clap your hands!


Dreams do come true, if we only wish hard enough, You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it.


Every man who is high up likes to think that he has done it all himself, and the wife smiles and lets it go at that.


Everytime a child says 'I don't believe in fairies' there is a a little fairy somewhere that falls down dead.


For several days after my first book was published, I carried it about in my pocket and took surreptitious peeps at it to make sure the ink had not faded.


God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December.


His lordship may compel us to be equal upstairs, but there will never be equality in the servants hall.

so happy mother day to all you MOTHERS!!!

Saturday, May 8, 2010

I'm back in the saddle to speak, the pain pills are helping, and I am starting to ween myself off of them, cause pain pills suck!
I am definitely sore, but I can hold my bladder better so immediate improvement right away.

tomorrow is my fifth anniversary of living here and meeting my other half J.
my life started that day, at least this part of it.
the differences between now and then?
I am not actively suicidal.
I have self esteem.
I can cope with hard situations and bullies.
I am no longer a victim, and my favourite word is that of a two year old's~ NO!
I like who I am, most of the time and I love myself.
I have learned how to behave around the rest of you.
I am cute and no longer a giant pain in the ass.
I am good enough, smart enough and dog gone it people like me!
I have hope.

that is more than I have ever had, and it is enough for now.
so happy anniversary! to my new life and all the love and happiness I have found or created!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

I'm home

it went well and no cancer. what I have wrong can be controlled with medication.
I am taking pain pills, and have to go back to bed but thought I would say HI!

thanks all!

for all the love and support.

I am scared and have a bad feeling.
I am worried about them placing the IV.
It takes at least 2 tries to get blood.
surgery before last took them 10 tries to start and 3 1/2 hours.
was 1/2 an hour late for surgery.
the last four they had the anaesthesiologist and the Doppler machine.

I slept well last night I was able to talk to the Dr and tell him that I was scared and he told me more of what to expect, they usually do this in the office w/o much in the way of sedatives.
I am in so much pain that they are going to have to put me completely under.
I have stopped losing weight, due to the pain.
it reminds me of being abused as a kid.
so this is the next step to getting me well. and on the right track.
so now that i have expressed my fear it will all be fine and I will be better than ever.
I will just be in more pain for the couple of weeks.
as they say the only way out is through...
see ya all later.
love and fishy fishes

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

I am having surgury

this Thursday the 6th. it is day surgery, they are doing stuff to my bladder.
I will be fine, but, it will be painful after.
so I may not be on the computer much for a bit.
love ya all,
don't worry it will be what it is.
thank WHATEVER I have health insurance!



Don't forget to mark your calendars.

As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked and if he does, he must commit suicide. So next Saturday at 1 PM Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.

Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.

All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their houses to demonstrate their support for the women and to prove that they are not Muslim terrorist sympathizers. Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your patriotism.

The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.

God bless America !

too funny!

Monday, May 3, 2010

an actual personal ad!


To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me In Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you . but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime.. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,


Sunday, May 2, 2010

I just publish it.

John Hopkins University Hospital

Cancer Update


Cancer Update from Johns Hopkins :

1. Every person has cancer cells in the body. These cancer cells do not show up in the standard tests until they have multiplied to a few billion cells. When doctors tell cancer patients that there are no more cancer cells in their bodies after treatment, it just
means the tests are unable to detect the cancer cells because they have not reached the detectable size.

2. Cancer cells occur between 6 to more than 10 times in a person's lifetime.

3 When the person's immune system is strong, the cancer cells will be destroyed and prevented from multiplying and forming tumors.

4. When a person has cancer, it indicates the person has multiple nutritional deficiencies. These could be due to genetic, environmental, food and lifestyle factors.

5. To overcome the multiple nutritional deficiencies, changing diet and including supplements will strengthen the immune system.

6. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the rapidly-growing cancer cells and also destroys rapidly-growing healthy cells in the bone marrow, gastrointestinal tract etc, and can cause organ damage, like liver, kidneys, heart, lungs etc.

7. Radiation, while destroying cancer cells, also burns, scars and damages healthy cells, tissues and organs.

8. Initial treatment with chemotherapy and radiation will often reduce tumor size. However prolonged use of chemotherapy and radiation do not result in more tumor destruction.

9. When the body has too much toxic burden from chemotherapy and radiation, the immune system is either compromised or destroyed, hence the person can succumb to various kinds of infections and complications.

10. Chemotherapy and radiation can cause cancer cells to mutate, and to become resistant and difficult to destroy. Surgery, can also cause cancer cells to spread to other sites inside your body.

11. An effective way to battle cancer is to starve the cancer cells by not feeding it with the foods it needs to multiply.


a. SUGAR is a cancer-feeder. By cutting off sugar it cuts off one important food supply to the cancer cells.
SUGAR SUBSTITUTES like NutraSweet, Equal, Spoonful, etc are made with Aspartame and it is harmful, dangerous. potentially deadly. A better natural substitute would be Manuka honey or molasses, but only in very small amounts.

Table salt has a chemical added to make it white in color. Better alternative is Bragg's aminos or..... sea salt.

b. Milk causes the body to produce mucus, especially in the gastro-intestinal tract. Cancer feeds on mucus. By cutting off milk and substituting with unsweetened soy milk, cancer cells are being starved.

c. CANCER cells thrive in an acid environment. A meat-based diet is acidic and it is best to eat fish, and a little chicken rather than beef or pork. Meat also contains livestock antibiotics, growth hormones and parasites, which are all harmful, especially to people with CANCER.

d. A diet made of 80% fresh vegetables and juice, whole grains, seeds, nuts and a little fruits help put the body into an alkaline environment. About 20% can be from cooked food including beans. Fresh vegetable juices provide live enzymes that are
easily absorbed and reach down to cellular levels within 15 minutes to nourish and enhance growth of healthy cells.
To obtain live enzymes for building healthy cells try and drink fresh vegetable juice (most vegetables including bean sprouts) and eat some raw vegetables 2 or 3 times a day.
Enzymes are destroyed at temperatures of 104 degrees F (40 degrees C).
Think about pasteurization, which is how much marketed liquid is treated; besides milk, most all prosessed fruit juices, including orange are pasteurized at higher than that temperatures.
Always Read Lables, always.

e. Avoid coffee, tea, and chocolate, which have high caffeine. Green tea is a better alternative and has cancer fighting properties.
Water; best to drink purified water, or filtered, to avoid known toxins and heavy metals in tap water. Distilled water is acidic, avoid it.

12.. Meat protein is difficult to digest and requires a lot of digestive enzymes. Undigested meat remaining in the intestines becomes putrefied and leads to more toxic buildup.

13. CANCER cell walls have a tough protein covering. By refraining from or eating less meat it frees more enzymes to attack the protein walls of cancer cells and allows the body's killer cells to destroy the cancer cells.

14. Some supplements build up the immune system (IP6, Flor-ssence, Essiac, anti-oxidants, vitamins, minerals, EFAs etc.), to enable the body’s own killer cells to destroy cancer cells.
Other supplements like vitamin E are known to cause apoptosis, or programmed cell death, the body's normal method of disposing of damaged, unwanted, or unneeded cells.

15. CANCER is a disease of the mind, body, and spirit. A proactive and positive spirit will help the cancer warrior be a survivor.
Anger, un-forgiveness and bitterness put the body into a stressful and acidic environment. Learn to have a loving and forgiving
spirit. Learn to relax and enjoy life.

16. CANCER cells cannot thrive in an oxygenated environment. Exercising daily, and deep breathing help to get more oxygen down to the cellular level. Oxygen therapy is another means employed to destroy cancer cells.

1. No plastic containers in micro.

2. No water bottles in freezer.

3. No plastic wrap in microwave.

Johns Hopkins has recently sent this information out in its newsletters. All of this information is being circulated at Walter Reed Army Medical & NBSP Center as well.
Dioxin chemicals cause CANCER, especially BREAST CANCER. Dioxins are highly poisonous to the cells of our bodies.
Don't freeze your plastic bottles with water in them, as this releases dioxins from the plastic.

Recently, a Dr. Edward Fujimoto, Wellness Program
Manager at Cast le Hospital, was on a TV program to explain this health hazard. He talked about dioxins and how bad they are for us.
He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using plastic containers. This especially applies to foods that contain fat. He said that the combination of fat, high heat, and plastics releases dioxin into the food and ultimately into the cells of the body.
Instead, he recommends using glass, such as Corning Ware, Pyrex or ceramic containers for heating food.
You get the same results, only without the dioxin. So such things as TV dinners, instant ramen and soups, etc., should be removed from the original container and heated in something else that is safe.
Paper isn't bad but you don't know what is in the paper. It's just safer to use tempered glass, Corning Ware, etc.(but not to drop it!)
He reminds us that a while ago some of the fast food restaurants moved away from the foam containers to paper. The dioxin problem is one of the reasons for that change.
They might not be concerned about your health, but they certainly don't want your family's law suits!

Also, he points out that plastic wrap, such as Saran, is just as dangerous when placed over foods to be cooked in the microwave. As the food is nuked, the high heat causes poisonous toxins to actually melt out of the plastic wrap and drip into the food......neither a taste nor a health treat.
Cover the food with a paper towel instead.


Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."


In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels."

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On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels


At a Proctologist's door:

"To expedite your visit, please back in."


On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed."


On another Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."


On a Church's Bill board:

"7 days without God makes one weak."


At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :

"Invite us to your next blowout."


At a Towing company:

"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."


On an Electrician's truck:

"Let us remove your shorts."


In a Nonsmoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."


On a Maternity Room door:

"Push. Push. Push."


At an Optometrist's Office:

"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."


On a Taxidermist's window:

"We really know our stuff."


On a Fence:

"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"


At a Car Dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."


Outside a Muffler Shop:

"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."


In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"


At the Electric Company

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.

However, if you don't, you will be."

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In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."


In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait."


At a Propane Filling Station:

"Thank heaven for little grills."


And don't forget the sign at a


"Best place in town to take a leak."


Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"