Monday, December 20, 2010

to blog or not to blog...







pictures of where I will be at tomorrow night, and for Christmas.
I have been sick since before thanksgiving, and I am only starting to get better.
I went 12 days without eating, just drinking clear liquids. I have lost 30 lbs. (not the best way to do it but I'll take it.)
I am just back on solids today.

About vacation, I had the best time.
we headed out about 6 pm that first night, and it was pitch black as we left the city. the road was snaking around the mountains that serve as one side of the highway and the other side is ocean. the only light is from the headlights head of you and behind you. the first out lying crop of lights is the town of Indian,(25 miles out of town) blink and you miss it. then Bird, not much bigger. then more dark roads, oceans, mountains and the snow and ice. you hit the flats approaching Girdwood,(48 miles out of town). you have been able to see Mt. Alyeska, since the last bend around the mountain. It is lit up like the gates of heaven.
there is a service station- last place to pee and get an slurpee, for a bit.
get business done and grab a bag of cheetos, and pile into to the car that is filled with all of your stuff!
then farther south you head 11 miles to Whittier. less mountains (they are all in the distance) mainly marsh and ocean, lots of mud flats. it is really dark unless the moon is out, and it was out!
as the highway heads back into the mountains, there is a turn off, it is well lit.
you take the turn and head away from the lights and any traffic, which has been sparse since Girdwood. it is a 2 lane (one, one way. one, the other.)paved but completely snow covered, as is everything for as far as the eye can see.
Only the cars head lights and the moon.
you drive for 20 minutes as you can only go 25mph, taking the corners, watch the trees and the clouds. it is an Ansel Adams picture book every where you look. then you hit portage valley, and the receded glacier. you go thru a tunnel and hit bear valley, and further in you hit the toll booth, $12 for a round trip. and since it is below freezing, the main tunnel is only open for 5 minutes, each way once an hour. you pay your toll, and head up to the lanes to wait your turn the tunnel is 2 1/2 miles long, it is big enough for a train car, that's it. you have to stay 100 feet apart and 25 miles an hour. the air stinks like exhaust, you head in and you are driving on the tracks where the train pull there cars. they have green lights along the inside of the mountain, every so often they have shelters, in case of emergency, that have air supplies. being at the front of the line as we approach the exit of the tunnel they pull up the door and you can see the harbor and all of the water. the lights and the mountains are amazing.

So I wish you all a merry Christmas.
I stopped dreaming and I have started living, I am not around as much as I would like.
I am making memories for the cold times.
love and fishy fishes,
Adora~!

merry Christmas to all!

I know you are a pet lover
and will help.

Our friend has lost her Chihuahua puppy
and is desperate to find him.

Yesterday, she was sitting on the couch
watching T.V. and realized he was gone.

She called out to him, but he never responded.
She then noticed that the backdoor was open.

She has been putting up signs everywhere
in an effort to have him returned.

Thanks for your help.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

the passing of the friendship baton


~ Staffetta dell'amicizia ~



Jesse, @http://theartofjesse.blogspot.com (or click the title) gave me this TAG.

So in respecting the passing of the friendship baton, we shall observe the following rules:

a) Create a blog post, and please use the IMAGE of the relay friendship race...

b) In your post, answer the Eight questions...

c) Pass the baton of friendship to Ten bloggers, and link them in your post...

1 - too small when you were asked, what you wanted to do when you were big; What did you reply?
2 - What were your favorite cartoons?
3 - What were your favorite games?
4 - What year was your nicest birthday and why?
5 - What were the things you absolutely wanted to do, and not yet done?
6 - Which 'was your first love? sports? or what not?
7 - Which was your first musical idol?
8 - Which was the most' beautiful sought (and eventually received), Santa Claus, Jesus' Child, Saint Lucia, christmas gift?

And my answers to the Eight questions are:

1. I wanted to be alive, as I wasn't ever sure from day to day if I would be,
2. Any, my mother hated them, so I would have to sneak, if I was caught I would get beat for it.
3. I liked crazy 8's. the card game.
4. My 40th. I got to face some fears.
5. I am only now having goals, so not sure how to answer that?
6. crocheting, it was some thing that I got to do with my grandmother.
7. Sting, was and still is.
8. never wanted anything, that way nothing was every taken from you. I did not start having decent birthday's or Christmas until J. showed up.

So there you are!

So this award goes to whoever wants it, just follow the rules above!
thanks Jesse!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Children Are Quick

Children Are Quick
____________________________________

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________


TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

(I Love this child)
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand....
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
Two of the greatest qualities in life are:



1.) Patience


2.) Wisdom
Getting Even . . . .. . the Vet and the Pussycat

One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight -- starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down.

We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her so we named her “Pussycat.” The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband (the complainer) said, “OK, but don't forget to wash her. She stinks.” He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) who wanted the dirty cat, not him.

My husband and my vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband “El Cheap-O,” and my husband calls the vet “El Charge-O.” They love to hate each other and constantly “snipe” at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.

The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building and next door to the vet. The MD's waiting room was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in. Obviously he had seen my husband arrive.
He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, ”Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more. We washed and shaved it and now she smells like a rose. Oh, and by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!”

Then he closed the door.

Now THAT, my friends, is getting even!
Banned from the co-op Didn't like shopping there anyway

Yesterday I was at my local CO-OP buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that
no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I
ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

I'm now banned from the Co-op.

Better watch what you ask retired people.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

I am back.

good to be home! missed you all bunches.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Smart Arse!!!!

Two businessmen in Cardiff were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new shop...


As yet, the shop wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.


One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."


No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, "What are you selling here?"


One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling arse-holes."

::
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "Must be doing well... Only two left."

Pensioners -- don't mess with them!!!!!!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Vacation

I am busy making plans, and getting ready, so I will not be around.
I hope you all have a happy thanksgiving, and I will see you some time in December!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Laws of Life

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your

hands become coated with grease, your nose will

begin to itch & you'll have to find a bathroom.


2.Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw,

when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of

your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal & someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were

late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic

lanes), the one you were in will always move faster

than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully

immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability

of meeting someone you know increases dramatically

when you are with someone you don't want to be

seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to

prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity

of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of the Theater & Hockey

Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are

farthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are

the ones who will leave their seats several times to

go for food, beer, or the toilet & who leave early be-

fore the end of the performance or the game is over.

The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies & stay to the bitter

end of the performance. The aisle people also are very

surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down

to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something, which chore will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are

only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent

lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances

of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on

a floor, are directly correlated to the newness & cost

of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is

possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance -

If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A

closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing

Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you

really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well,

make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the

time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't

make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No , I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do..
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20 , much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

click to on image to make bigger!

hmmmmm......


I just read an article on the dangers of drinking....
Scared the shit out of me. So that's it!

After today, no more reading.
ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 ---

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.

She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

The man seemed more amused.

When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,

She complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.






The case came up in court.





The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)

What he had to say for himself.





The man replied,

'Well your Honor, it was like this:

When the lady got on the bus,

I couldn't help but notice her condition.

She sat down under a sign that said,

'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,

'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,

'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.

But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time

And sat under a sign that said,

'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!'

... I just lost it.'





'CASE DISMISSED!!'



You gotta love this doctor!


Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend life of car by driving faster. Want live longer? Take nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give 100% recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.


Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take water out of fruity bit; get even more of goodness that way.. Beer also made out of grain. Bottoms up!


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.


Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain...Good!


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetables be bad for you?


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only do sit-ups if want bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: You crazy? HELLO ...Cocoa beans! Vegetable!!! Cocoa beans best feel-good food around!


Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming good for figure, explain whales to me.


Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!



Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.


AND...


For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies:


1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


4 The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


CONCLUSION.....


Eat and drink what you like! Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

last night

I had wake up screaming nightmares, so business as usual.
this a.m. I have had contact from a person from my past. I told them to get stuffed. and they were shocked?
HUH?
they had an attitude...
HUH?
nothing has changed, at all.
that is why friendships end and stay that way.
you can't have a friendship where only you are the friend.
whatever

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

things of late

things are starting to get better.
5 weeks ago I had a breakdown and almost did something really stupid.
as a result some decisions have been made and some of them for me.
not that I am upset about it. sometimes I don't always take my side into account.

I have quit doing allot of things for others. and while it makes me sad sometimes, I know that it is the right thing for the right reason.

I am disappearing for the week of thanksgiving as you may already know.

I am not doing Christmas for anyone but my other half. and it will be small.

I quit the embroidery guild membership and the guild totally for the near future.

I quit doing things around here for other people.

I have started doing things for myself.

So if you were going to do something for me for Christmas, please do something nice for yourself instead. It would make me really happy.

I am tired and in pain, and hanging on, so please bear with me.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

voted today

and ran errands.
I have been quiet lately due to pain.
I haven't been doing well and just trying to keep my head above ground.
not much to be excited about. planning another vacation and haven't gotten the lasts pictures developed.
stuff is in the works. don't know how it will turn out, so I am not even going to guess.
so that is my update whoo hoo!

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy halloween!





I made a puking pumpkin, sat it on the tale in the kitchen for 2 days then gave it to a friend who will let the moose's eat it.
couldn't get a picture cause I can find my camera, he was cute, still.

have a great one all.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

..................................................................?


today was a day unlike any other.
everyday some one dies.
you tend not to think about it.

it is wet/snow out today.
people are driving CRAZY!
a motorcyclist wasn't wearing a helmet.
I saw the whole thing cause he was right next to us.
I didn't see the accident, I saw directly after.
as he was sliding, with no helmet on.

I hope his death was a quick one.
it was awful.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Someone, Who Will Never Get Drunk, Again, EVER!

Neat-o!




It's a Mercedes Benz owned by an Abu Dhabi
OIL billionaire.

Featuring the newly developed V10 quad turbo
with 1,600 horsepower and 2800nm of torque
0-100km/h in less than 2secs, 1/4 mile in 6.89 secs
running on biofuel.

That is NOT stainless steel, it is WHITE GOLD!

Puns for Educated Minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He
acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out
to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class,
because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still
be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was
cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result
in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The
police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison
was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper
spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste
of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only
one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the
other and says 'Dam!'
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit
a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my
electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies,
'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends,
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.

Aging

Artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers who can remember doing the "Limbo" as if it were yesterday.


They include:

Bobby Darin ---
Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash

Herman's Hermits ---
Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker

Ringo Starr ---
I Get By With A Little Help From Depends


The Bee Gees -- -
How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?

Roberta Flack---
The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face


Johnny Nash ---
I Can't See Clearly Now.?

Paul Simon---
Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver

The Commodores ---
Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom


Procol Harem---
A Whiter Shade Of Hair?

Leo Sayer ---
You Make Me Feel Like Napping

The Temptations ---
Papa's Got A Kidney Stone


Abba---
Denture Queen


Tony Orlando ---
Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall

Helen Reddy ---
I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore

Leslie Gore---
It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To

And Last but NOT least...

Willie Nelson ---
On the Commode Again

Gubmint and How Gubmint Works

If you really want to know what is wrong with GOVERNMENT this is a perfect example!!!

For those of us who care! Can we hope for some relief? I hope so.

This says it all about some things the government should not be involved in and health care appears to be next. Wow. Saddle up gang.

Gubmint and How Gubmint Works

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So They created two positions: a time keeper and a payroll officer, then hired two people.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one Year and we are $918,000 over budget, we must cutback." So they laid off the night watchman.

NOW slowly, let it sink in.
Quietly, we go like sheep to slaughter.

Does anybody remember the reason given for the establishment of the DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY..... during the Carter Administration?

Anybody? Anything? No? Didn't think so!

Bottom line. We've spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency....the reason for which not one person who reads this can remember!

Ready?? It was very simple...and at the time, everybody thought it very appropriate.

The Department of Energy was instituted on 8/04/1977,
TO LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL.

Hey, pretty efficient, huh???

AND NOW IT'S 2010 -- 33 YEARS LATER -- AND THE BUDGET FOR THIS "NECESSARY" DEPARTMENT IS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR. IT HAS 16,000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES AND APPROXI-MATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES. AND LOOK AT THE JOB IT HAS DONE! (THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY, "WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?")

33 years ago 30% of our oil consumption was foreign imports.

Today 70% of our oil consumption is foreign imports.

Ah, yes -- good old Federal bureaucracy.

NOW WE HAVE TURNED OVER THE BANKING SYSTEM, HEALTH CARE, AND THE AUTO INDUSTRY TO THE SAME GOVERNMENT.

Hello!! Anybody Home?

NOVEMBER, NOVEMBER, NOVEMBER!

Take out the trash!!!

***************************************************

My other half and I vote. J talks about politics and I listen. His friends are very informed people who with the help of the internet are correctly informed.

The state I live in is RED.

I am not.

If I don't vote I don't have the right to bitch.

People in other countries DIE to get the right to vote.

Do you have any Idea what they did to the women of this country, that I live in, over 100 years ago, that wanted to vote?

They beat, jailed and tortured these women.
All because they wanted the right to vote.

VOTE!!!!














May you always have work for your hands to do
May your pockets hold always a coin or two
May the sun shine bright on your windowpane
May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain
May the hand of a friend always be near you
And may your heart fill with gladness to cheer you



- Irish Blessing

Where did Piss Poor come from?

Interesting History


They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families
used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken &
Sold to the tannery.......if you had to do this to survive
you were "Piss Poor"

But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't
even afford to buy a pot......they "didn't have a pot to piss in" were the lowest of the low.

The next time you are washing your hands and complain
because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their
yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by
June.. However, since they were starting to smell . ..... .
Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.
Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting
Married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man
of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then
all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the
children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so
dirty you could actually lose someone in it.. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no
wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get
warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs)
lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and
sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof...
Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the
house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs
and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence,
a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into
existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other
than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had
slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet,
so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their
footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until,
when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way.
Hence: a thresh hold.

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big
kettle that always hung over the fire.. Every day they lit
the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly
vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the
stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold
overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew
had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence
the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas
porridge in the pot nine days old. Sometimes they could
obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When
visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show
off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home
the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests
and would all sit around and chew the fat.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high
acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food,
causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with
tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were
considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt
bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination
would Sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days.
Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and
prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen
table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive... So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer.

And that's the truth....Now, whoever said History was boring!!!

So...get out there and educate someone! ~~~

HEAVEN AND HELL

While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator was tragically hit
by a car and died.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there
is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see,
so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator..
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do
is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose
where to spend eternity."
"Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down,
down, down to hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.
In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his
friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake
his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at
the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then
dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having
a good time dancing and telling jokes.
They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it,
it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St.
Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven.."
So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls
moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good
time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter
returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose
your eternity."
The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never
have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would
be better off in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to
hell..
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land
covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags,
picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from
above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.
"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and
there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank
champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full
of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil smiles at him and says,
"Yesterday we were campaigning, Today, you voted.."


Vote wisely on November 2, 2010

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Welcome to....


Dave! enjoy you stay, not sure when you showed up, but happy trails anyway!

Friday, October 15, 2010

sunrise

How pumpkin pie is made




NOT SORRY FOR THAT!
I am making a puking pumpkin for Halloween!
if you want more Hallows E'en click on the title and got to my friend AV's blog, "All Hallows E'en" it is very funny and has lots of pictures of one of my most favourite times of the year!
(it has the puking pumpkin that I am going to copy, THANKS AV!)

I am on a horse. "Moo." Cow.



Sunday, October 10, 2010

The Infamous Exploding Whale (1970)




nothing I could say works.....

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

My friend and I were talking....

I have great friends (by the way) ones I know in daily life and my other internet family :).
so me and her(one of my friends0 are talking yesterday, (we met at therapy and have similar stories as much as it is possible.)
she was talking about closeness with a therapist, how when she has the right one and the bond is built, it gives her energy to fix her life.

(drawing a blank)

not with me. I don't trust the fuckers.

my first therapist/psychiatrist, was drunk the whole time she was dealing with me, and medicating me. I know this cause years later, she had to as she was working step nine, of AA.

when she told me I went cold.

this person who had me drugged and tortured, cause I was crazy, was drinking during most of it.

okay, FUCK!

I hadn't started my down ward spiral into drugs. years later when I did my 9th step. I had to make amends, and it sucked. and not everyone forgave me either.
and ya know what has occurred to me, I still haven't forgiven her.
that hate has eaten a whole in my life.
yes I know my spelling is off but I feels better that way.
the whole of my life, and my distrust for all people in authority, sprang from that moment.

Maybe it was the only way she could live with herself for what she was doing, in her life and to me. I doubt I was the exception to the rule.
still... FUCK!

I am just sitting here shaking my head, at a complete loss due to this particular break through of mine.

I love my acupuncturist, he rocks.
I love my physical therapist. she is awesome.
my psychiatrist is a good egg. ( her and my last one were awesome compared to some, still not great, but, what the F?)
I HATE my medical Dr. Hate him!
my therapist is okay, I don't openly hate her, I just like her. she is the Zen therapist, she will not argue with me, and she lets me colour with crayons.

on a side note. I went to IHOP yesterday (they do all things pancakes) YUM!
the waitress let me have scary face pancakes, they take whip cream and strawberries, and candy corns (which I hate)(so I didn't eat) and make a face on the pancake, it is for 12 and under. the waitress let me order it any ways. physically I am 40. mentally I am about 8.

I was in the ER the other day with my broken toe and contused foot, (long story about dark crowded rooms that need to be organised) and I was playing my Nintendo dsl (hand held game) and what might you ask am I playing? TINKER BELL!

My friend plays WOW (a fighting game) nope not me, tinker bell, or tink as we all call her.
so where I am going with this?

it has been a particularly hard week with some good and some bad things.
Progress is being made, I am facing my fears and working on hard shit.
I think my grasp on reality is doing okay, maybe not.
we will see how many times I melt down today while we are cleaning my room.
*SIGH*

...


IT IS WHAT IT IS...

Friday, October 8, 2010

Change the world Wednesday, on Friday!



http://tomusarcanum.blogspot.com/2010/10/change-world-wednesday-6-oct.htm
or
click on the title

I have taken this latest challenge as a "stupid" american, well I am an Alaskan.
BIG DIFFERENCE!

I have stopped using plastic bags, for groceries. you know the kind?

THAT kind.
I will not bore you with facts.
google it, you will find plenty.

I am using cloth bags now, you can get them everywhere.
even some of them are made of recycled plastic, how cool is that?
and if you go to thrift stores they are even cheaper.
it is amazing what we throw away.
whether it is money it's self or destroying the planet, what is the difference.
all you have to do is care.

"You must do the things you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt"

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

memory bank

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed
each morning by eight O'clock, shaved perfectly with his hair fashionably
combed and even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.

His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary.
After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he
smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.

As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual of his
tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.

'I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having
just been presented with a new puppy.

"Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; Just wait."

"That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied.

"Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my
room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged ... it's how I
arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It's a decision I make every
morning when I wake up.

"I have a choice;

"I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the
parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for

the ones that do.

"Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new
day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my
life.

"Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.

So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank
account of memories!

"Thank you for your part in filling my Memory Bank. I am still depositing."


Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4.. Give more.
5. Expect less.

Monday, October 4, 2010

things..

are not well in my world.
this is my best time of year and I am very unhappy.
between medical stuff (DON'T EVER GET SICK)
(when have I been well?)
(or pain free)
and life in general, I am just not having fun.

I am sick of this and being such a downer all the time.
(I don't want sympathy)
it is what it is.

so I don't blog and put it out there.
(if I'm sick of it? so are you?)
but with nothing positive to say it leaves for only silence.

I don't get it inside my head.
(silence)
I don't get it from my other half, that is another story.
(SILENCE)
and I sure as shit don't want to talk about all of the crap in there.

I can't kill myself and I can't get arrested.
(I tried this weekend to get arrested, didn't work)
so I have to live...
WTF!!!

and despite all I am doing to the contrary I am making progress.
(why)

Palomino



She lays on the wall,
watching the strangers drift away.
mid-day's ore--thick with the sun of Arabia
she surrenders, her voices they gather, on the wind
talkin, chanting, breathing
into her body...
yesterday,
Awakened beside, the scent of burnt sugar--on the skin
painting eyes--thick with the color she brings in
oh, and sure, and strong
when the lightning tumbles down, don't you frown
everything will be in time for this evening.

If there's secrets she has to be pardoned to,
every one of them, if there's heaven she gets to the heart

And you'll wonder why she says,
when I run out of blue,
help me rise instead, then I will run to you.
why she says, when I run out of blue, give me rain instead,
now let me run... (let me run)

--synthwash/piano interlude--

If there's secrets she has to be pardoned to,
every one of them, if there's heaven she gets to the heart

And you'll know just why she says,
when I run out of blue,
help me rise instead, then I will run to you.
why she says, when I run out of blue, give me rain instead,
now let me run... (let me run)

Hey-hey....why she says, when I run out of blue,
Help me rise instead, then I will run to you
why she says, when I run out of blue,
give me rain instead, then I will run to you
(repeat to fade)

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Vat Da Hell, Ole ?

Vat Da Hell, Ole ?

Ole's car was hit by a truck in an accident. In court, the trucking company's lawyer was questioning Ole.

'Didn't you say, sir, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine, ?' asked the lawyer.

Ole responded, 'Vell, I'll tell you vat happened. I had yust loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into da.....'

'I didn't ask for any details', the lawyer interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?

Ole said, 'Vell, I had yust got Bessie into da trailer and I vas driving down da road... ..

The lawyer interrupted again and said, 'Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Ole's answer and said to the lawyer, 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie'.

Ole thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Vell, as I vas saying, I had yust loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into da trailer and vas driving her down da highvay ven dis huge semi-truck and trailer ran da stop sign and smacked my truck right in da side. I vas trown into one ditch and Bessie vas trown into da other. I vas hurting real bad and didn't vant to move. However, I could hear Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape yust by her groans'. 'Shortly after da accident da Highway Patrolman, he came to da scene.. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he vent over to her'..

'After he looked at her and saw her fatal condition he took out his gun and shot her right 'tween da eyes.

Den da Patrolman, he came across da road, gun still smoking, looked at me and said, 'How are you feeling?'

'Now vat da hell vould YOU say?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

clcik this title

HAHAHASHA!

Monday, September 20, 2010

word puzzle

TO ALL MY INTELLIGENT FRIENDS:

I am sending this only to my smart friends. I could not figure it out. My first thought was wrong and I had to look at the answer.
See if you can figure out what these seven words all have in common?

1. Banana
2. Dresser
3. Grammar
4. Potato
5. Revive
6. Uneven
7. Assess

Are you peeking or have you already given up?
Give it another try....
Look at each word carefully. You'll kick yourself when you discover the answer. This is so cool.....





No, it is not that they all have at least
2 double letters....
Let me know if you found the answer - I didn't!
Answer is below!


,





,





Answer:

In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word. Did you figure it out? No?

The Pharmacist's Monday Morning

The Pharmacist's Monday Morning
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained,

"It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."

Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.


Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him,

"Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm
Failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and
Hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with both
House and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.

"Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was
About three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire."

"When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me
To open up.
I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time
The darn phone was ringing off the hook."

He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash
Register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor.
I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and
The phone was still ringing.
When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made
Me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it.
Half of them hit the floor and broke."

"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got
Back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a
Rectal thermometer.

And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her."

Sunday, September 19, 2010


A doctor on his morning walk, noticed the old lady above,
Sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"

"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, get a little lovin', and don't exercise at all."
"That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"

"Thirty-four," she replied.

art!