Sunday, November 27, 2011

the moaning door.

I live near one of the exits to the building, and it has been ever so cold.
WHOREFROST, I mean hoarfrost, is every where.
cold effects doors locks and buildings. this building was built before the 1964 earthquake, and with stood it.
the building howls when it is windy, and the door near me moans like a whore when she doesn't get paid.
okay but seriously the door moans like a woman getting...
umm, yeah.
the orgasm door, Lisa the moaning door, and so on.
the door is getting allot of action, *sigh*
and moaning it's head off.
okay fine!
have a happy rest of the weekend.

Thursday, November 24, 2011


this is not a paid or sponsored post.
this is just my silly opinion.

I like fizzy water, and I drink a ton of it. it usually comes in a green bottle, the yuppie water crap.
I have always liked club soda, carbonated water, whatever.
I like the bubbles and the bitter taste.
I used to eat lemons whole, had to stop when I got braces in the 5th grade or so.
that really pissed me off.
I love to eat, and will eat damn near anything, but that is changing as my body tells me what I will and will not eat any more, my stomach has become the Gestapo.
Nope that won't do send it back!
so everything is eaten with the knowledge that it has a 50/50 chance of coming back up, either part or all.
so with that knowledge I pick my options.
yuppie water is EXPENSIVE!
and being that money is always tight we around here are always looking for ways to cut the cost.
In walks "the soda maker". it is red and has the attached "CARBINATOR" which is not mine but the companies they just let me use it and trade it back in for money to them.
it came with all of these craptastic syrups, 1oz of syrup makes one litre of soda(WTF). full of poison and sugar and shit. CRAPTASTIC!!!
so now what I am trying to figure out what to do with them, as throwing away shit someone else could use pisses me off almost as bad as having to find a home for this shit.
I would give them away here but uh, yeah, what the fuck, no!
not mailing toxins, with my money, ACK!
so probably will go on CL in an act of desperation,
so while I love the "CARBINATOR" and the red doohicky that seats it and makes me fizzy water, the craptastic syrup WE really could do with out.
3 of 5 stars*

*would of gotten more if they hadn't stuck me with the CRAPTASTIC syrup shit. OH and they try to make it better seemingly as a gift to me!

so here is to my fizzy water, we will see if it is cost effective as I have to hit the "carbinator" twice as much as it says. I like my carbonated water to *punch* me in the mouth.
so WE will see.

thanks giving

Well the car is frozen fouled and flooded, we did this last year in January so it will be expensive and a pain but oh well, with down to -20 what do ya expect, I ran out of money after the tires this year so old Beasty didn't get her tune up and now she is insisting.
I have stopped eating meat so we are having lentil.barley.veggie soup!
I have allot to be thankful for!
so I leave you with this from my favorite Alaskan Cartoonist Mr. Chad Carpenter, EnJoY!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011


last night no vomiting but laying there wanting to die, finally get to sleep, and CT wakes me up at midnight. I almost killed him. I remember allot of screaming, something he missed during the day,
Midnight? really???
I have to try to eat something here as my stomach is churning.
I am eating a banana, and I am totally GACKED!
when it gets bad I have taken to singing "Kumbaya" in my head very quietly, I am so sick and I want to die so all I can remember is Kumbaya. it is strangely soothing at hard times.
oh there is always music in my head, as I am always singing something, to much to some people's opinion.
(middle finger here)
oh and to my period that showed up Sunday, (weren't you taken care of by surgery 2 years ago? NO!)
I have had the TENS unit on my lady parts for 3 days now, not lady bits which are lower, hey this isn't "JACKASS the movie" WHOO HOO!
I am not that big of an idiot.
so coming up on thanks giving, (I will not be participating this year, for me this year it is like any other day and I have far to much to do.)
so happy Whatever to you.
(I'm the one with my head still in a trash can)
love to all

Monday, November 21, 2011

umm, yeah

well it's official.
I projectile vomited last night, (thank god it was only water)
I am not eating and haven't for 3 days.
I laid in the fetal position for many hours last night , as it hurt to breath, I did something to my back in the midst of the many hours of vomiting.
it hurts to move and to think, I did not keep last nights meds down.
I took my elavil early today, to avoid living hell, if you want me I'm the one with my head in the trash can. I'm off to take a shower, hopefully I won't puke as I have to keep my elavil down.
it is not going well.

Saturday, November 19, 2011


there is one today for the lady down stairs.
I have never been to a funeral.
I have had plenty of people die, let me put it this way I did not even go to my grandmothers who I loved more than life it's self. I do visit her grave, but not since my mother as died as they are in the same funeral park, in different place, but her presence has been enough to keep me away.
still the funeral is today.
am I going? I will know in 3 hours.
what would I wear? I don't have anything appropriate for one.
every article of clothing I own is brightly coloured the only black I have is a few pair of pants.
I hate black, dark blue and brown. I have blue, but light and bright.
I doubt I am going.
My grand mother is to blame for this(and you know what I am okay with that)
some one who worked for my grand parents, and my mother taking care of me among other duties.
her name was Nell, I was 5 when she died. I remember the red metal high chair, I was always trying to climb out of and her lap, which was warm and large and soft, she always had a hug for me and time in her lap before she would try to feed me even though I did not need to eat.
I loved her.
time came for the viewing of the body, my mother was ready to take us in to see Nell's body. MY GRANDMOTHER pitched a fit and blocked the door in to the funeral home. under no condition was I going in there to see Nell, as that was not Nell, the Nell I knew was gone, and my mother had no right to terrorize us with something that we would not understand.
my grand mother stood up to them, so I would not be traumatized.
I haver never been to a funeral, and I guess I won't start now.
the lady downstairs for all of her problems was a lovely person when she wanted to be(when she was sober) she did have a heart of gold, and I am going to miss her
looks like I am going after all. thank god she was cremated.

Friday, November 18, 2011

I love my friends that comment!

Tempo who lives in the land of Australia, is one of my most active commenter's, (I do love the rest of you too!!) left me this comment to my last post. "it's actually already Friday here in OZ. At the time of commenting it's 5:08pm and 102 deg F"
all I can say is HOLY BATSHIT!, SHEEPMAN!!!! I know those are New Zealanders traits, but heck!
102 degrees? know I know why they say it in Celsius of 39 or 42 degrees. cause it sounds so much better than OVER 100 degrees.
70 is a heat storm to me, I have thick blood from living all my life in cold weather.


Partly cloudy with patchy morning fog. Sunny this afternoon. Highs 5 to 15 above...coldest on the east side of town and outlying areas. North wind to 10 mph.

Clear in the evening then becoming partly cloudy. Patchy fog after midnight. Lows zero to 15 below....coldest on the east side of town and outlying areas. Light winds.""

it is currently -3 degrees.
I am trying to figure out IF I have to go out today.
I might, I might not. I have not thrown up this am yet, I am sick just not as bad as today, THANKYOU!

well I am as used to cold as tempo is to hot, althou I think it gets cold there too.
I am learning more every time I read his blog, you should go read it!
it as a funny about the difference between OZ and NZ, and has some lovely references to sheep!

so if I have done it right you can click on the link(title of the post), or copy and paste and then bookmark his page, as it is a lovely read. Http://

I know I am not a big commenter but I do read all of my friends posts and it is always so nice to here about you all.
talk to you soon.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

things are looking up.

Dry fish that I can eat, and a certain homeless guy I know is not going to spend the winter outside-they are finally going to help him.

these are two positive things that happened today, I still threw up way to much but what the hell? my skin feels like it is on fire.

I really need to take more breaks between medication withdrawals. this isn't nearly as death provoking as I remember, well not my death. the fact that I border on hate for the rest of the human race is just my own little thing. oh and who ever has the hissing high squealing power brakes set up in my front room can really let up now. (I am hallucinating, woopie for me!) nothing funnier and sadder than me trying to track the source of the noise down and it is in my own head and the rest of you can't hear it.
umm yeah, whatever.
so I am going to take my 50 gajillion pills, (WTF) and sit with my horrendous stomach ache (My stomach hurts thinking about it. brushing what teeth I have left and falling into a 13 hour drug induced coma I call sleep. either today was the worst of it and it will be better when I get up, or I am horrible fucked and not in a good way.
in weather news we have a metric shit ton of snow, and it is blowing all over the place with temps of 15 to -15 Fahrenheit.
I picked a great time to be sick.
fine I am done with you TODAY, Mr thursday shit from hell day, and I am glad I never have to do you again.
that's my story and I am sticking to it.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011


well I have sworn off food. as I have puked every time I eat so it is just water now. I cancelled my psych and PT due to my stomach, can't lay on it and do My I,T,Y,& w's. and I AM DAMN FED UP WITH DR'S RIGHT NOW!
so not much else other than I want the number of the truck that hit me.
this seemed to be better than last time as I have all summer built my body up for this and it has not been months of puking so I think am more resilient, this time, but each time it will get worse.
the migraine is there in the back ground like in my jaw which has been clinched for days now.
so I am not a happy camper. what am I going to do? what I always do put my head down and trudge.
thanks for reading.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011


I woke up puking this a.m., and started a pot of soup.
All I had to do was move and breath.
it has started.
Now I find I am not as smart or as nice(to myself) as I thought?
I have 3 Dr Appts, Wednesday and Thursday.
Psyche, OB/GYN, and PT.
what the FUCK was I thinking?
I am anxious, nauseas, and My head is tight.
it will get worse, I have the migraine medicine handy and the puke pills.
we have had a metric shit ton of snow. so everything is nice and white and quiet.
so I am as fine as I can be, we will see how the day goes, then the week.
love ya guys and thanks for reading and caring!

Monday, November 14, 2011


today is one of those days, like any other, which means anything can happen. it is also the week before thanksgiving, and the day I start lowering meds for the winter.
By Thursday I will be puking. had the elavil cut in half.
being poisoned sucks but coming off of them is far worse.
Migraine, vomiting, body pain fever, you name it, it is like a case of the flu and food poisoning, and chewing tin foil at the same time.
Oh and lets not forget the constant state of tweak that I am in cause I no longer have these meds sedating me.
oh and yes the absolute terror when I have to shower or anything else that stimulates me.
I am in a constant state of over stimulation. and therefore the tweak is terrible.
you know that feeling of licking a 9 Volt battery? mix that with terror and there we go.
I feel like I am waiting for the world to fall apart, that horrid thing that is just looming off in the distance, waiting to cave my head in and do awful things to me, just like in my nightmares.
not surprised that it is reaching shower time a familiar sense of dread hits me and the night to come.
it will get better all I have to do is wait 5 minutes J tells me, some times he is right, and I love him for it, but most of the time he is wrong, and it is just starting.
will check in as I am house bound during this, depending on the nausea.
love to all.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


Freedom is in town, and we have been having fun, and due to hurricane force winds along the Alaska coast, I have her an extra night.
we went and had a nice slow day, shopping at Fred Meyers (and 3 rider carts later) and A fabric store visit. freedom got me in and out of the store for under 20.00. that was my budget, and I stuck to it.
and now I have a quiet night, as I promised a picture, Freedom took one of me at the fabric store (a very dangerous place) so there is that.
I actually like the picture.
good night and good luck!