Funny. There was a lady talking to her shrink, and discussing her ornery husband. The shrink suggested she get a pet that the two could enjoy. So she went to a pet shop, and the shop keeper suggested a dog. She didn't think so. Nor a cat. Finally the shop keeper said I have just the think. A bird, kind of like a parrot, but called a crunch bird. If you said crunch bird, the pencil, it crunched the pencil. Very strong jaws, like a king crab. So she took it home, and put it in the kitchen, and left it out of the cage. She took a shower. Her husband came home, hollered into her. She told him she bought a bird, and it was called a crunch bird, and he needed to name it. To which he replied "Crunch bird my ass."






The Talking Centipede
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> A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
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> So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
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> After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.
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> He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.
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> So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time."
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> But there was no answer from his new pet.
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> This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?"
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> But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
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> The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time. This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted,
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> "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about God?"
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> This time, a little voice came out of the box:

"I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes!"