Wednesday, September 30, 2009

hehehehe....

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Cowra, Australia. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded , "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer Peter replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here.."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Australia and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in North Cowra . We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule'.

The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"

The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."

The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the! midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."

(I love this part)

The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."

When you are educated, you'll believe only half of what you hear.
When you're intelligent, you'll know which half.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

more

A little Indian boy asked his aunt "How do Indian children get their names?" The aunt replied "Whatever the spirits send and the parents see at the time of birth. That is how Running Fawn got her name. And Lazy Otter. Blue Bird had a blue bird watching her when she was born. Now do you understand, Two Dogs Fucking ?"

Friday, September 25, 2009

The Indian With One Testicle

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle
and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that
name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally
cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone
again I will kill them!'

The word got around and nobody called
him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird
forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.' He
jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into
the forest where he made love to her all day and
all night. He made love to her all the next day,
until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what
he promised he would do. Years went by and no
one dared call him by his given name until A woman
named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being
away. Yellow Bird , who was Blue Bird's cousin, was
overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him
and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,
then he made love to her all day, made love to her all
night, made love to her all the next day, made love to
her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!








Why ???








OH, come on... take a guess !!!








Think about it !!!








You're going to love this !!!








Everyone knows....


You can't kill Two Birds
with OneStone!!!




________________________________________________________________________________________

There is the one about the Indian named He Who Passes Gas While Eating. Passes Gas, as he was often called, hated his name with a passion. So he went to the council of elders and requested that they change his name. They asked why they should consider the request. He replied that he didn't pass gas while eating. So the elders said they would consider it, and to wait outside. In a while they called him in, and gave him the decision. We have heard your words, and here is your new name. He Who Doesn't Pass Gas While Eating.










__________________________________________________________________________________________


Then there was the one about the old chief who was contacted by the white men from Washington, asking for his land. He refused. They kept pestering him, and finally he said to them, I am old and tired, and I know you will have my land one way or another. I have seen you white men. So I will trade. He gave them a long list of things, and asked for other land as well. When the details had been all ironed out, he told them he would sign the papers IF they would agree to one more request. He said that his son had gone alone on a horse raid a year ago, and not returned. If they would look for him, try to find him or some word, he would sign. They agreed, and he signed. This may well be the only treaty that Washington kept with the Indians. I know this to be true, because I saw yesterday where they are still looking. The sign said "Please Watch For Falling Rocks,"

IMPORTANT ... Swine flu advice





You should know that there's a difference between bird flu and swine flu.

If you come down with bird flu, you need tweetment.

If you come down with swine flu, you need oinkment.

I hope this helps.

KIDS IN CHURCH

KIDS IN CHURCH


KIDS IN CHURCH
3-year-old Reese :
'Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.
Amen.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy was overheard praying:
'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One particular four-year-old prayed,
'And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
were on the way to church service,
'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?'
One bright little girl replied,
'Because people are sleeping.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
' Ryan , you be Jesus !'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked.
'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
'Did God throw him back down?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
'Would you like to say the blessing?'
'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied..
'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Funny. There was a lady talking to her shrink, and discussing her ornery husband. The shrink suggested she get a pet that the two could enjoy. So she went to a pet shop, and the shop keeper suggested a dog. She didn't think so. Nor a cat. Finally the shop keeper said I have just the think. A bird, kind of like a parrot, but called a crunch bird. If you said crunch bird, the pencil, it crunched the pencil. Very strong jaws, like a king crab. So she took it home, and put it in the kitchen, and left it out of the cage. She took a shower. Her husband came home, hollered into her. She told him she bought a bird, and it was called a crunch bird, and he needed to name it. To which he replied "Crunch bird my ass."






The Talking Centipede
>
>
> A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
>
> So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
>
> After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.
>
> He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.
>
> So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time."
>
> But there was no answer from his new pet.
>
> This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?"
>
> But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
>
> The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time. This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted,
>
> "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about God?"
>
> This time, a little voice came out of the box:

"I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes!"

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'.

'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'

The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'
It pays to be very careful around old people.

Monday, September 21, 2009

welcome



to Eric Ickeringill!

the latest follower...

enjoy!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


Finally, a religious Traffic Sign!

Monday, September 14, 2009

I am having a procedure next week!

http://www.novasure.com/irregular-period/heavy-menstrual-bleeding.cfm

I am excited about this. J is okay with it.

more later.

Click on the title of this, and it will take you right there.

Chez Adorabibble

well life here has been like eating broken glass.
having a great time outwardly. bloody and broken inside.

WTF...!

I know why, I don't know how.

I had a new flash back yesterday, took a pill and went to sleep crying like a wounded animal, with the bottle in my hand in case 1 didn't do it, which it did thank god.

I am doing the could of would of should of...

THAT HELPS EMINENTLY.
actually not at all, it makes it worse.

I haven't shared it with anyone yet, it hurts just way to much and now I am medicated for my shower, it has gone back to that... FUCK!

WhAtEvEr!

I got a dr's appt I have to go to.
thanks all for listening.
I don't expect any feed back, what is the to say?
Nothing this is my life. la de da!

thanks for reading.

Uh Oh!!!!!

Uh, oh!





A man calls home to his wife and says, 'Honey, I have been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends to go fishing. We'll be gone for a long weekend. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a 3 day weekend. And also would you get out my rod and tackle box from the attic? We're leaving at 4:30 pm from the office and I will swing by the house to pick up my things. "Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas.'

The wife thinks this sounds a bit odd, but being the good wife, she does exactly what her husband asked.

Following the long weekend he came home a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?
He says, 'Yes! Lots of Walleyes, some Bass, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?

You'll love the answer. Scroll Down!















































The wife replies, "I did, they're in your tackle box."


Never, never, ever, ever try to outsmart a woman!!!

Saturday, September 12, 2009

MR RILEY!!!! the cutest man I know.


the cake Momma made him!

he's just relaxing!

I had a bath!

I'm helping Momma do the dishes!

_________________________________________________________________________

Mr. Riley is 1 years old. here are some pictures of the little man.
he is such a love!
enjoy them as much as I have!

from me to you...

A little girl went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet.


She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three
times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes.


Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she
slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store with
the big red Indian Chief sign above the door.

She waited patiently for
the pharmacist to give her some attention, but he was too busy at this moment.
Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat
with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good Finally she took a
quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!


'And what do you want?' the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of
voice. I'm talking to my brother from Chicago, whom I haven't seen in ages,' he
said without waiting for a reply to his question.

'Well, I want to talk
to you about my brother,' Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. 'He's
really, really sick...and I want to buy a miracle.'

'I beg your pardon?'
said the pharmacist.

'His name is Andrew and he has something bad
growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now So how
much does a miracle cost?'

'We don't sell miracles here, little girl.
I'm sorry but I can't help you,' the pharmacist said, softening a little.


'Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough, I will get
the rest. Just tell me how much it costs..'

The pharmacist's brother was
a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, 'What kind of a
miracle does your brother need?'

' I don't know,' Tess replied with her
eyes welling up. I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an
operation. But my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money.'


'How much do you have?' asked the man from Chicago

'One dollar
and eleven cents,' Tess answered barely audibly...

'And it's all the money
I have, but I can get some more if I need to.'

'Well, what a
coincidence,' smiled the man. 'A dollar and eleven cents---the exact price of a
miracle for little brothers. '

He took her money in one hand and with
the other hand he grasped her mitten and said 'Take me to where you live. I want
to see your brother and meet your parents. Let's see if I have the miracle you
need.'

That well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon,
specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed free of charge and it
wasn't long until Andrew was home again and doing well.

Mom and Dad were
happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.


'That surgery,' her Mom whispered. 'was a real miracle. I wonder how
much it would have cost?'

Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a
miracle cost..one dollar and eleven cents......plus the faith of a little child.


In our lives, we never know how many miracles we will need.

A
miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law..


MY OATH TO YOU...

When you are sad....I will dry your
tears.

When you are scared.....I will comfort your fears.

When
you are worried.....I will give you hope.

When you are confused.......I
will help you cope..

And when you are lost....And can't see the light, I
shall be your beacon....Shining ever so bright.

This is my oath.......I
pledge till the end.

Why you may ask?.....Because you're my friend.


Signed: GOD

Friday, September 11, 2009

Thursday, September 10, 2009