Friday, January 7, 2011

to blog or not to blog, II

I am back from the wilds and I miss it dearly. no phone to speak of, no computer, no noise, just the occasional fun movie (YOU have got to see Despicable Me) Agnes is my favorite character, "It's so fluffy, I gonna die!"

and the wind and the rain and the snow and the mountain. I was in heaven.
I love it there.
the elephant that always sits in the middle of my chest was gone until I had to come back. now it won't go away. it is stress. I slept great there. I am now sleeping like shit here at home.
what did I do?
I cooked everything I could get my hands on, and then some. I knitted. I spent time with J. I had tea with friends, there was so much love there. and now I feel like part of my soul is missing. it is with that glorious mountain.

the town and its people are charming, in a slightly skewed, lovely off coloured way.
they have a sign mounted to one of the power pole. it reads,
"Whittier- last refuge of the unemployable". or something to that effect.
one of the town kidnapped a front loader and held it hostage, until the city paid her rent for it sitting on her property, she tied a 55 gallon drum to it, and since all the tires went flat (Hmmm...) they had no choice but to do what what she finally wanted.
these are my kind of people. I understand them.

it has given me some perspective, on what I want from life.
I get on facebook, I used to get on it a whole lot. well I had about 6 weeks away from it, and ya know what,? it lost all of it's appeal, as did much. I read books, I made things with my hands that I could hold. 3 hours on facebook, and what do you have? nothing. nada, zilch, zip.
my blog has suffered as well as my lovely friends. Gotta play farmville... CRAP!
all of it. pointless crap? who cares what I am doing?
my 84 or 58 or some such followers,(most I met on facebook playing farmville) do they really care what I ate for breakfast or how I am feeling?
yeah, right.
all my profile page is my latest famville crap. C_R_A_P!!!

there is more to life that sitting all day at the computer.

so on the eve of my 2 year blog-anniversary I am left with this thought:

I get back and it is doctors this and pills that, and tests and procedures.

being that is it the new year this is my resolution for 2011:
I am done being a Guinea pig for the fucking dr's. if they haven't done it yet, it ain't happening.
so what if I have my period back after surgery. my parts stay intact. so what it they want to shove needles in my face and put in a pain management clinic, not happening. p-e-r-i-o-d.
I will do blood work, I will do health checks. I am done with the pills and the surgeries and the torture, at the hands of hypocrites.
I will work to get to know my body better, and give it what it needs, be good to it and to me.
I don't know how much I have left in me. I am tired, and fed up.
I am right where I need to be. thanks for listening


Tempo said...

Its very beautiful but it looks very very cold? I'm not sure I'd do so well being away from it all for so long, I tend to need to move about and keep busy or I go a bit stir crazy. I used to go out of my head when I visited my mother in the small country town where she lived. But who knows..maybe I'd get used to it?
I really like the second part of this are SO very right about life being filled with superfluous crap that we can really do without. I joined Facebook because my girls were all over the country and it was the only way to stay connected, it's different now they are here in town but now I have so many great friends all over the world. Could I do without it? Yeah, sure but I'd rather not. I like my friends.
..and doctors? I couldn't agree more with every word you said!

Beth said...

I hope you get to go back to that peaceful haven soon - sounds delightful, Bib! And it gave you a great perspective on taking control of your life - huzzah, Girl! We'd all be less stressed and anxious if we could log into the natural world more often. My love and good thoughts to you, as always :-)