it is over.

it is finally over, and I am single. I have been now a while, but this has some finality but not closure. J has his cycles of his illness. he is in the bad part, but really there is no good part of this. if you read my blog then you know what happened last time. this one was not much different. he started going down hill with his "I’m not diabetic anymore" when they found him his blood sugar was over 1000 and they thought he was dead. I had a bad dream that he was dying and I had him found and taken to the hospital. my debt is done. I should of gone back to sleep and let him die. while he was in the hospital he had a bed bug infestation, that he didn’t tell anyone about. so he was evicted and lost everything. he is now at the homeless shelter, looking for housing... yeah right. then he starts telling everyone that I am his girlfriend, and that they can drop stuff off with me, after I told him not to come near me. he is a sociopath. so today I changed my phone number, and told him it was over and that he better leave me alone or I was going to call the cops. I cant get a restraining order against him. the only thing he is a PHYSICAL threat to is my front door as you may remember he loves to break doors. they don’t give them for emotional abuse, terrorizing and stalking. I have no proof to show them. like I said SOCIOPATH! I have cut other people out of my life, my mother. father. you name it, gone. and once you cut them out. that’s it. you get no more info. like my mother being dead for 2 months before I found out. it will be like that with him. now if he will just leave me alone. he keeps telling me that I am his only reason for living. Is that really fair to me, that someone is trying to make there whole universe around me and want to wear me like a skin suit?
NO! I deserve better. this is really hard for me right now. it will get better eventually.... FUCK! WHATEVER! I'm so tired. it will get better?