Friday, April 16, 2010


this is in response to AV's blog
it was to big to go on the comment and I haven't really written anything original in a while.
please go read his blog he has allot of great ones.
this turned in to a "who'd thunk it" post. that bad English was brought to you by me a lazy American Just for you AV,;=)
he is an proper English teacher and I love to kid him !
so read him first and my post will make as much sense as I do (O)(O)!

I pay no attention to the news... know why? some woman in Chicago microwaved her under 2 month infant, this had to be 1 1/2 years ago. I refuse to watch, I get news through other people and they mostly know that I don't want to hear about the bad, I know it is there. there is nothing I can do about it and it makes me feel even more helpless.
as to normal, ...?
I have people tell me " what if you had had normal parents and hadn't been through all the abuse and torture. think of what you could of made of your self?"
Could of made of my self?
some how they manage to completely invalidate me and my accomplishments, and my whole life.
As if being me and have diagnosable mental illnesses is a horrid thing.
I am far from normal and not that far from happy.
I have my shit like anyone else.
I am just like the rest of you. I just know that I am crazy and I make the best of it.

I have been cranky and depressed lately as I have a 40th birth day very soon. and I have had an ah ha moment. I started to lose allot of weight so I shaved my head. bald.
I don't want to be seen as a woman or attractive, and it is hindering my weight loss. I am not gaining but I have stopped losing or I am losing very slowly.
I hate my therapist and refuse to see her right now, due to a group incident a while back.
I am stuck and cranky. I know what the problem is, oh well.
the weight doesn't protect me it hinders me. my brain is convinced of other wise.
sooner or later something will give as I have been acting out.
we will see.


Argentum Vulgaris said...

You're probably saner than a lot of the "normal" people. As for being close to 40, don't listen to the crap about 40 being over the hill; take it from me life starts at 40.

Hope things work out.

Hugz AV

Tempo said...

Does anyone actually have 'normal' parents?.. Its not so much what you have, it's what you do with what you have that counts.
..and I'm like you, I dont watch the news...all that sad/sick stuff I cant do anything about.

Adorabibble said...

normal is the setting on the washer.
from what I understand mine were worse than most.
altho, not living anyone else life I can't say.
just working thru endless piles of crap left to me, from all the trauma.
I just know that I am trying to make things worse think to make them better...
I appreciate all the love guys!

Beth said...

I'm gonna be 47, girlfriend! AV is right - life starts at 40! It's the birth of a new decade for you - I wish you could somehow magically put all the crap and trauma in a trash compactor and shred it all to nothingness. I know it's not as simple as that, but goddamit, I know you are one strong woman. Hang in there, Bib :)

Michael said...

"Does anyone actually have 'normal' parents?.. Its not so much what you have, it's what you do with what you have that counts."

Completely agree with what Tempo said. It all falls on you to turn things around, which is always possible. And you know, being normal is overrated.

About the news, though, nothing sickens or disturbs me. Being sympathetic's a quality I've lost, or perhaps never was blessed with.

Wanderlust said...

Normal is a moving target and not one I'm sure we should aim for. I should we should only ever strive to be more ourselves. Sorry, I know I'm late to this post.