this is in response to AV's blog http://itsnotthecoffin.blogspot.com/2010/04/not-normal.html
it was to big to go on the comment and I haven't really written anything original in a while.
please go read his blog he has allot of great ones.
this turned in to a "who'd thunk it" post. that bad English was brought to you by me a lazy American Just for you AV,;=)
he is an proper English teacher and I love to kid him !
so read him first and my post will make as much sense as I do (O)(O)!
I pay no attention to the news... know why? some woman in Chicago microwaved her under 2 month infant, this had to be 1 1/2 years ago. I refuse to watch, I get news through other people and they mostly know that I don't want to hear about the bad, I know it is there. there is nothing I can do about it and it makes me feel even more helpless.
as to normal, ...?
I have people tell me " what if you had had normal parents and hadn't been through all the abuse and torture. think of what you could of made of your self?"
Could of made of my self?
some how they manage to completely invalidate me and my accomplishments, and my whole life.
As if being me and have diagnosable mental illnesses is a horrid thing.
I am far from normal and not that far from happy.
I have my shit like anyone else.
I am just like the rest of you. I just know that I am crazy and I make the best of it.
I have been cranky and depressed lately as I have a 40th birth day very soon. and I have had an ah ha moment. I started to lose allot of weight so I shaved my head. bald.
I don't want to be seen as a woman or attractive, and it is hindering my weight loss. I am not gaining but I have stopped losing or I am losing very slowly.
I hate my therapist and refuse to see her right now, due to a group incident a while back.
I am stuck and cranky. I know what the problem is, oh well.
the weight doesn't protect me it hinders me. my brain is convinced of other wise.
sooner or later something will give as I have been acting out.
we will see.