Wednesday, December 2, 2009

I am not sure...

I feel stupid. I have no real book learning. only took a couple of collage classes, graduated HS, and made it thru beauty collage.
I have common sense and street smarts. I can cook, heal, create, sing, laugh and love.
I am not book smart. I spent to many years in the mental health system, on too many meds for too long.
nice thing about that is when I woke up almost 5 years ago, I was a blank slate and a huge sponge.
borrowed time + being chemically restrained all those years= making up for lost years.

I met a new person lately as I am more out and about, was bound to happen.

this person and J discuss things and books I have never read and concepts that I am just becoming aware of.

I feel stupid cause I don't know what they are really talking about, I get hints around the edges. now I figured something out after talking to J tonight when I told him this, he said one) I have my own talents, that make him feel dumb. (J dumb? that got my attention). I have my talent he has his and we all do. and 2) this person went to buy groceries and in the store lot after they had paid for them and was putting them in there car, someone came by and snagged there cart and stole some of this person's groceries. this person didn't like the looks of the person stealing from them and decided not to pursue.

It is snowy and slick and rather deep, out there. J walks me around everywhere like I am made out of spun glass He forgets I was with out him for 34 years and lived in Alaska for all but 2 of them and have been thru too many slick cold winters and survived.

I have drug those carts around in the winter, it isn't easy.

bottom line if it had happened to me, they guy would of gone to the hospital before jail, and have assault added before attempted theft...

my ex husband used to beat me, he screwed up my left leg from the knee down, among many other things. I am no stranger to being beat.
what I would do to him to get him back, I would wait until he was asleep and take the pots and pans and beat him in bed with them. I would also catch him in the shower with soap in his hair and go for the goods
I would grab and twist. I told him every time he hurt me that there would be a conscience at my time and his expense.
it has been like that with all of them, except J. he doesn't beat me, he treats me like a fairy princess, he NEVER lies to me and I love him.

so bottom line this person can't even keep a hold of there groceries. they may be smart, but very stupid, and ineffective.

I dunno. this is just venting thanks.

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