Sunday, June 28, 2009

I love Craigslist!!!

Craigslist is not the evil thing all think it is.
I love it.
Now gentle reader you have heard me mention the Cave Troll, he is one of my best male friends and Wednesday was his birthday. While I am a Gemini, Freedom and Cave Troll are Cancers!
Well CT has gotten over the years many, many, too many, sheep from me.
Both being mostly Irish, the first summer I knew him I bought the cutest sheep pillow for myself, and he started teasing me, now he has every kind of sheep imaginable.
well there were two sheep he just didn't want any more. (one black, one white)
I found them a couple years back at a sale, where the mother had a whole scene involving these sheep and a wall and also paint for a counting sheep theme. They are made out of wood,covered in wool, rather flat, no eyes, and 1 & 1/2 ft high and 3 ft long ???
So this year for CT bday it was all about cows as he is truly sick of sheep.
that is another story for another time.

so I posted the sheep on CL and this is the ad I posted:

Well folks...
I have 2 strange stuffed Sheep, that need a new home, BAAAdly!!
One Black, One White, at least 1 to 1 1/2 foot tall.
They need a new Shepherd/Shepherdess (Bo Peep like).
If Ewe would like the Sheep, then please tell me why they should come home with Ewe?
Best/most creative/funniest, story/reason gets the Sheep!
When Ewe look into their nonexistent eyes, Ewe will know that Ewe have done the right thing.
A good thing.
They are waiting for Ewe.

I know it is hard to fall in love with sheep with out a picture.
think of this as a blind date/love at first sight kinda thing...

They have asked me, to ask Ewe, to please leave a phone # & reason !!!
They want to continue to be taken care of in the life style that they have become accustomed to.



I got a great response and the sheeps got themselves a fine home this is the winning response:

Ewe light up my life...

Dear Shepherd/Shepherdess,
This is like a match made in heaven. I have been trying to sleep for years. I've tried everything, books, numbers, even Burt Reynolds autobiography for crying out loud, and nothing has worked as of yet until this opportunity herded it's furry little rump in my direction. I'm sure in no time at all, I can count those sheep one by one and my eyes will soon be shut. So if you could whisper in those sheeps ear, that my reason is that I can't live slash sleep without ewe, let me know what they think. I have a loving home and can't wait to include them as family.

Insomniacs waiting baaaadly for ewe!
these people are awesome and funny, we talked for a minute when the sheep where exchanged.
I told them about this blog.
they said that most people either have a stick up there ass or a fire cracker.
Now that is my sense of humor.

it only takes a minute to be nice.

love and fishy fishes,

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Freedom's Birthday!!!

It's your birthday, yes, it's true.
Another birthday, and your feeling screwed.(and not in a good way)
Cause dumbass mom and dumbass dad,
could not be bothered, to remember your special day.
Don't you worry or fret, cause I didn't forget.
You have your paper pickle, and your gallon of garlic gherkins.
I wish you the world on this special day, and all of the love to come your way.
that all your wishes will come true, And know that I love you!

Silly Twat!

happy birthday bestest buddy!

AND those dumbasses can go piss up a rope, in a force 100 million hurricane, over the polar ice cap, with there butt cheeks glued together, in -150 degree weather, naked covered in honey and flesh eating parasites, eating there eyeballs, then drowned, eaten by polar bears and shit into a steaming pile of poo that they really are for forgetting you birthday!!!!
So there!

Friday, June 26, 2009

You are The Star

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Star is one of the great cards of faith, dreams realised

The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench your thirst, with a guiding light to the future. They might say you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Another STUPID painful life lesson...

I received this as an email from lovely Freedom.
I am not a parent, I do come from really dumb people!

As a parent, I often wonder if I taught my sons and daughters everything they needed to know to lead a safe and sane life.

You know what I mean . . . don't run with a knife, don't stick beans in your nose, don't lick a frosted piece of metal, etc.. But, you know, I think I might have missed this particular piece of advice.

However, let's face it, if any of my sons or daughters ever tried this totally idiotic stunt, I figure they are way too stupid to survive in this world anyway!

Never . . .
Ever . . .
Ever . .. .

in your ass and light it!
in your ass & light it ! ! !

Now, that's . .

Michael Jackson is dead and his sister wants to give me his money!

My name is Latoya Jackson, a sister to Late Michael Jackson the pop star, I am contacting you concerning the funds my late brother deposited with a bank in Europe, before my late brother pass away, he instructed that the money he deposited with a bank in Europe should be used to help the needy, the total amount of the money is 24.8 Million Dollars.

I am looking for a reliable and trustworthy person to handle this money and use the money as instructed, I would have be the one to handle this project, but I am very busy with too many things, if you are interested to be of assistance to handle the money to carry out the charity project, please kindly get back to me immediately for me to direct you on how to get in contact with Mr.****** ***** my late brother's agent in London to instruct you on how to get in contact with my late brother's funds manager in charge of my late brother's funds in Europe.

God bless.


okay so he died yesterday, so did Farrah Fawcett.
where is the out pouring for her?
everyone that is born will die, that is just the way it is.
he was only 11 years older than I. so I grew up with him and the MTV generation.
Now I want my TV shows back.
Enough is enough!
CAPRICORN - The Go-Getter (Dec 22 - Jan 19 ) Patient and wise. Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to be Good-looking. Humorous and funny. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimistic. Capricorn's tend to act before they think and can be Unfriendly at times. Hold grudges. Like competition. Get what they want. 20 years of good luck if you forward.

AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart (Jan 20 - Feb 18 ) Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on the inside and out.. Eccentric personality. 11 years of luck if you forward.

PISCES - The Dreamer (Feb 19 - Mar 20 ) Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative. May become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don't like details Dreamy and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish Good kisser. Beautiful. 8 years of good luck if you forward.

ARIES - The Daredevil (Mar 21 - April 19 ) Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic Fun. Loves a challenge. EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short fuse. (Easily angered.) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit. Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egotistic al. Co urageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic.. 16 years of good luck if you forward.

TAURUS - The Enduring One (April 20 - May 20 ) Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings that are stable and secure in their ways. No t looki ng for shortcuts. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous. 12 years of good Luck if you forward

GEMINI - The Chatterbox (May 21 - June 20 ) Smart and witty. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable but needs to express them selves. Argumentative and outspoken. Like change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense.. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent. Beautiful physically and mentally. 5 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

CANCER - The Protector (June 21 - July 22 ) Moody, emotional. May be shy.. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome. Excellent partners for life.. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others. Easily hurt, but sympathetic. 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LEO - The Boss (July 23 - Aug 22 ) Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Like boundaries. Tend to take over everything. Bossy. Like to help Others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warm-hearted. Sensitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. Doing the right thing is important to Leos. Attractive. 13 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

VIRGO - The Perfectionist (Aug 23 - Sept 22 ) Dominant In relationshi ps.. Cons ervative. Always wants the last word Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager.. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard to please. Harsh. Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LIBRA - The Harmonizer (Sept 23 - Oct 22 ) Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind.. Have own unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SCORPIO - The Intense One (Oct 23 - Nov 21 ) Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive. Hardworking. Great kisser. Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long Relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky One (Nov 22 - Dec 21 ) Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome). Indulges self. Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like rules. Sometimes hypocritical. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes. Doesn't like being doubted. Beautiful ins ide and &n bsp;out. 6 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

Thursday, June 25, 2009



We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons,' where:

:) means a smile and

:( is a frown..

Sometimes these are represented by



Well, how about some 'ASSICONS?'
Here goes:

(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_*_) an ass hole

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_x_) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass

(_$_) Money coming out of his ass

(_?_) Dumb Ass

On a more personal note I like these, you can make of them what you will.



( O )( O )

* *

Saturday, June 13, 2009

iT's my birthday in a few hours...

Guess what I got for my birthday???

My period!

shall we all sing?

Friday, June 12, 2009

The Importance of Walking

The Importance of Walking

Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
home at $7000 per month.

My grandpa started walking
five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old
and we don't know where he is.

I like long walks,
especially when they are taken
by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking
is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I'm doing..

I joined a health club last year,
spent about 400 bucks.
Haven't lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there.

Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

I do have flabby thighs,
but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day
is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'

If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise
the last few years,......
just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older,
because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it..


Every time I start thinking too much
about how I look,
I just find a Happy Hour
and by the time I leave,
I look just fine.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

thanks to Jesse!

A little girl asked her Mom, Mom, may I take the dog
> for a walk around the block?
> Mom replies, No, because she is in
> heat.
> "What's that mean?"asked the
> child.
> Go ask your father, I think he's in the
> garage.
> The little girl goes to the garage and
> says,
> Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block?
> I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to
> come to you.
> Dad said, "Bring Belle over here" He took a
> rag, soaked it with gasoline, And scrubbed the dog's
> backside with it to disguise the scent, and said OK, you can
> go now, but keep Belle on the leash
> and only go one time round the
> block.
> The little girl left and returned a few minutes later
> with no dog on the leash.
> Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's
> Belle?"
> The little girl said,"She ran out of gas about halfway down
> the block, so another dog is pushing her
> home."
> If you ain't laffin... You ain't
> livin...

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

as u know I love South Park...

I am watching the one with Cartman who got anal probed and is now farting flames.
I thought for the hell of it I would figure out what the intro song was.
here it is:

"Les: i'm going down to south park, gonna have myself a time.

Stan and kyle: friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation.

Les: going down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind.

Cartman: ample parking day or night, people spouting,"howdy neighbor!"

Les: heading on up to south park, gonna see if i can't unwind.

Kenny: "i like girls with big vaginas. i like girls with big, fat titties"

Les: come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine."

I am now pissing myself with laughter, as the cows are trying to get out of South Park due to cattle mutilation by the aliens. and kyle puked on wendy..
I am 20 minute into a 2 hour block of South Park...
I am so happy!

I created my own south park character go here so you can to

Sunday, June 7, 2009

The Wooden Bowl

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year - old grandson.

The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered.

The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and

failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor.

When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.

The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.
'We must do something about father,' said the son.

'I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.'

So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner.

There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner.

Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.

When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone.

Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.

The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor.

He asked the child sweetly, 'What are you making?' Just as sweetly, the boy responded,

'Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.
' The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.

The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless.

Then tears started to stream down their cheeks.

Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.

That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table.

For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason,

neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens,

how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things:

a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents,

you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.

I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as making a 'life..'

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands.

You need to be able to throw something back

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you

But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others,

your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.

People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

welcome to my new follower


Welcome, you are such a great guy!


Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written."

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck..

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Wednesday, June 3, 2009


On Wed, Jun 3, 2009 at 5:19 PM, Freedom wrote:

This is what happens to me each and every month.

my reply back:

hahahaha... more like crimson Monsoon!

her reply back?

You know it.

I love friends* like this. *well all my female friends are

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Mums - How good are they!!!

Peter invited his mother for dinner, during the course of the meal; his mother couldn't help but notice how lovely Peter's flat mate, Joanne, was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Peter and his flat mate than met the eye.

Reading his mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne & I are just flat mates'.

About a week later, Joanne came to Peter saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?

'Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure' said Peter.

So he sat down and wrote




Several days later, Peter received an email from his mother which read




Lesson of the day,


Monday, June 1, 2009

I finally took a shower!!!!

I have been sick and depressed and in allot of pain.
So I have been putting off showering.
(okay so I get a wet wipe bath every day courtesy of the cave troll, Hey there are perks of being REALLY FAT, and disabled, altho I can't think of any right now)
so I have help with things, lots of things as I am trapped inside my body, in a wall of fat. thinking it will protect me from the world... Another perk of being REALLY FAT, and disabled, altho it really doesn't seem like it.)
this being said being 400+ lbs for the last 20 years, and for a great chunk of it
(get it.. chunk???)
I was over 500lbs or right around like I am now and have been for the last year.
I am too chicken shit to kill myself quickly, so I have been eating myself to death hoping more organs will fail (any bets on which one next? the kidneys have already gone and come back so those are out)(place your bets some one could make allot of money here!!!)
in all seriousness it will be my heart next.
it is strong but not that strong.
my mother has 5 years to live (so I am told) and she has cancer for the 4th time and her liver is failing.
My grandmother had pancreatic cancer(?)when she had her surgery at 78, and at 98lbs soaking wet it still took her 4 months to starve to death and she went out screaming... She only died cause she didn't want to live any more, if she had fought she would still be here with me. she just gave up.
I figure that I will either get my head out of my ass, and do something or it will be one complication or another for the next 30 years.
they told me almost 4 years ago that I would be dead in 2-3 months, boy did my head come out quick and it stayed out for a bit. I fell in love for the first time in my life and was doing well. then it was one thing and then another, then another, then another, ad nauseum.

leading up to the last couple of month, (well who are we kidding life!!)
the dr.s and the experts all tell me that I am working so hard, and it is just one set back after another, this, that, the other thing...
My face is a mess, let me describe the pain... It is like having red hot electrified nails shoved into my face with a baseball bat.
Being raped is less pain full ( and I do have the experience to say that many times over considering that I was raped for the first time at 3yo by my mother)
Oh sorry I am getting graphic...
this is what i live with every minute I am alive, all the shit awake or asleep it is always with me. this is why I am crazy and why I was a junkie, cause I wouldn't exist for a very short time and I didn't have to be me... I thought shit I'm free, anyone who has ever been addicted to heroin knows that that is a lie. and that was one of many things I did. The dt's make you wish you were dead.
So now I am sober and have an extreme case of nerve pain, and guess what? opiates don't touch it, and the nerve pills, they will kill the rest of my teeth, as I only have my bottom ones and I can't wear a denture due to the face pain and the nerves swelling up in the top of my mouth.
wanna know what hell is? Dental appts!!! Remember pain killers don't work well if at all. so they goober(VALIUM) me up, till I can just barely stand then they do there thing. that is if My face hasn't flared up. and oh how I pay for it..

folks there is always a cost...
so I haven't been able to catch a break lately...


do any of you ever get a break?

So I have been in my room hiding, not really wanting to go anywhere, the sun light hurts my face, the sound, the breeze, all the movement and the high pitched whines and whistles.
(I am going to kill the next person that whistles around me, it feels like my ear drums are going to break, along with everything from the neck up is going to explode)
besides I can sit in my room and cry and nobody looks at me like I have lost my mind. (hang on it's med time my ear drum feels like it is going to implode.)
my coping mechanisms?
sunglasses, earplugs, breathing, hot/cold. and some meds and chinese herbs that take the edge off of it some times. trying to massage a face that the last thing it wants it to be touched, acupressure/acupuncture when I can afford. I'm on disability, and medicade is my only insurance(GOD FORBID the cover something that actually works?)
If I get angry or scared or at all stressed my face blooms
which brings me back to my shower tonight.
due to past abuse and current pain and size, it makes showers FUN!!!
I got a new night gown from the fat womans online store. I wanted to wear it.
Cave troll and J. said I could wear it if I took a shower, a real one not a wet wipe one.
It had been 2 weeks easy.
Grumpy, in pain, nauseas, and unhappy. I agree.
My shower or the comedy of errors...
first I take puke pills and a klonapin, (thank god I won't be feeling much for a bit, and when I do I am really going to hurt)
so they get me down there, and with the promise of wearing my new clean nightgown(freshly laundered and still warm from the dryer, I am such a sucker) I go to the bathroom.
bottom line my head gets wet and I am puking, EVERYWHERE. fortunately I'm in the shower, not so great for the cave troll who is in with me helping. he had to shower when I was done after the mess was cleaned up, and me too. so I will hurt here even more in a couple of hours as I am not a dainty barfer. I pull groin muscles when I puke.
so I had to get back to my room for some alka seltzer Gold to help my mucosal lining. Puking for all these years has ruined it. so we do everything we can to keep me from puking. tonight I just hung on and got through it the best I could. thank god I have those 2. I am very lucky to have such great friends.
I just took my nightly meds about 250 words ago, so I am sleepy and I am having trouble typing.
so of to sleep, shit. welcome to my night and all of my lovely nightmares.

Bottom line I get through and make halting progress (better than none)
sometimes the meds take the edge off of it, NOT last night.
I am clean and in warm clean happy jammies. what little hair I have got very lightly brushed, and I am going to go tuck myself in to an very lovely bed (Freedom thanks so much for the animaniacs blanket, it is just the best, I wake up between dreams and cuddle with it and imagine wacko beating the fuck out of what ever was last messing with me. Once again I have the best friends)
I think you guys are the reason I keep going, and for me some where in there.
it can't all be bad, oh boy my meds have kicked in I am Happy!!!!!


An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of stout.

After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighborhood with big, stately pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.
He really, really has to go, after all those Guinnesses. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.

As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London police officer, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."

"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really have to go, and I just can't find a public restroom."
"Ah, yes," said the policeman..."Just follow me". He leads the American to a back delivery alley to a gate, which he opens.

"In there," points the policeman. "Go ahead sir, anywhere you like."
The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.

Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves himself and feels much more comfortable. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the police officer, "That was really decent of you... is that what you call English hospitality?"

"No sir...", replied the police officer, "...that is what we call the French Embassy."