Saturday, May 29, 2010

Making a Baby. This is hilarious!

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!--

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided
to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the
proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife goodbye
and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make
a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am',he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed,
'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good.
Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please
come in and have a seat!

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one
on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes
the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for
Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.
But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or
seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love
to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed
with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio
of his baby pictures 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider
their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get
a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate,
and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your,
uh...equipment? Oh, yes!. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and
we can get to work right away..'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too
big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted .

3 comments:

Tempo said...

LOL very funny

Argentum Vulgaris said...

I knew there had to be something at the end, a cool misunderstanding.

AV

Beth said...

HAAAA!