Saturday, November 19, 2011

funerals

there is one today for the lady down stairs.
I have never been to a funeral.
I have had plenty of people die, let me put it this way I did not even go to my grandmothers who I loved more than life it's self. I do visit her grave, but not since my mother as died as they are in the same funeral park, in different place, but her presence has been enough to keep me away.
still the funeral is today.
am I going? I will know in 3 hours.
what would I wear? I don't have anything appropriate for one.
every article of clothing I own is brightly coloured the only black I have is a few pair of pants.
I hate black, dark blue and brown. I have blue, but light and bright.
I doubt I am going.
My grand mother is to blame for this(and you know what I am okay with that)
some one who worked for my grand parents, and my mother taking care of me among other duties.
her name was Nell, I was 5 when she died. I remember the red metal high chair, I was always trying to climb out of and her lap, which was warm and large and soft, she always had a hug for me and time in her lap before she would try to feed me even though I did not need to eat.
I loved her.
time came for the viewing of the body, my mother was ready to take us in to see Nell's body. MY GRANDMOTHER pitched a fit and blocked the door in to the funeral home. under no condition was I going in there to see Nell, as that was not Nell, the Nell I knew was gone, and my mother had no right to terrorize us with something that we would not understand.
my grand mother stood up to them, so I would not be traumatized.
I haver never been to a funeral, and I guess I won't start now.
the lady downstairs for all of her problems was a lovely person when she wanted to be(when she was sober) she did have a heart of gold, and I am going to miss her
looks like I am going after all. thank god she was cremated.

4 comments:

Tempo said...

Funerals are highly overrated, I'm planning to miss mine..
The person you knew is gone and wont be at that funeral Shan, but you will always remember her and thats way more important than the funeral and who does and doesn't go.

Adorabibble said...

I went and it was awful, I had to get up and walk out early the pain was ... horrible. you could taste it. by the time I reached the car I was crying so hard I could not see.
I don't ever want to go to one again.

Tempo said...

Funerals arent supposed to be any fun. They are all terrible, all horrible and I hate them. Trouble is you kinda have to go to show due respect for those you love. Very brave of you to go though Shan...respect!

Adorabibble said...

thanks Tempo!