what was I doing again?

hell if I know? ... I see a Dr tomorrow that I would swore I would never see again.
why?
cause he is the prescribing Dr for the next medicine I want off of. the one that causes great gaps in my memory. I am on a pretty high dose of it. can't cut the pill in 1/2 cause I can't guarantee that that part will have 1/2 a dose in it. never know where the filler is in it.
Zanna is having the same problem. she is on a med she wants off of. so what does she do? she pulls apart the capsules and takes out 10 to 15 of the little beads until she can start pulling more out.
think old time Contact caps. God does that date me...
the Dr's want her to stay on it.
If I want off I will make them take me off of it, or figure out how to do it on my own.
I am so done with these Dr's.
Because I am crazy, they treat me like a misbehaving 3 year old on a sugar high.
I hate being talked down to.
so what do I want from the man?
I want the elavil cut, at least in half depending how sick I get.
I expect to be puking in a week, with no tolerance for light or any other stimulant.
this on top of my pain.
I want a definite diagnosis, as to what is wrong with me. it all has to be related, as it is in my body. a referral to another specialist, yet again.
this Dr tomorrow, I just don't know. I want help. I want it to work. I want answers.
I am not happy just to do what they tell me too, take this and do this.
it is never that simple.