Some folk will take offense at anything, I met a bloke with no legs
this morning while at the bus stop. All I asked was "how are you getting on?"
Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby."
Is this yours?" she asked "probably" said Paddy "she burns everything else"
A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...
She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.
She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers.
As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. Are you the manager?' she
asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
Actually, no,' he replied.
Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she said, running her
hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
'I'm afraid I can't,' breathed the bartender. 'Is there anything I can do?
Yes. I need for you to give him a message,' she continued, running her
forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her
fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
'What should I tell him?' the bartender managed to say.
'Tell him,' she whispered,
'There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.'
An elderly gent was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one evening.
He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife
with endearing terms such as: Darling, Honey, My Love, Pumpkin,
The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still
very much in love.
While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over to his host, and said:
"I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those
loving pet names."
The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said.
"Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, -- and I'm scared to death
to ask the old witch what it is."