it has been one of those days, well weeks really.
this blog is glittery and fun and also sad and where I go to figure out my thoughts.
One of my close friends relapsed, with there drug of choice.
I could see it coming like a deer in the head lights all the signs were there.
I won't get into the particulars. needless to say it happened I haven't let them out of my sight for most of the day. even took them to a meeting, (WHICH I HATE for my own reasons)
nothing, as my world is falling apart with work and such.
I feel like I am made of spun glass.
I won't relapse. I am just shattered.
when it goes, it all goes. so with a sick stomach, and fires to put out tomorrow, and my face lit up like a Christmas tree and every other thing, I will try to sleep now.
I did for them what was done for me when I relapsed.
I am GRATEFUL,
that I was there and that I am here now.
nothing could ever make me want to, it is alien to me and so familiar I will go cry.
I remember it all, and it sucked.
someone was there to pick me up, and now I do the same for someone I love.
I can hold out my hand, but only they can take it.
I couldn't stop it any more than I could stop the tide.
it is up to them. I would hate to lose someone that I fought so hard for.
it is what it is.
and it fucken sucks mouldy ass.