Thursday, July 1, 2010

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it has been one of those days, well weeks really.
this blog is glittery and fun and also sad and where I go to figure out my thoughts.
One of my close friends relapsed, with there drug of choice.
I could see it coming like a deer in the head lights all the signs were there.
I won't get into the particulars. needless to say it happened I haven't let them out of my sight for most of the day. even took them to a meeting, (WHICH I HATE for my own reasons)
now what?
nothing, as my world is falling apart with work and such.
I feel like I am made of spun glass.
I won't relapse. I am just shattered.
when it goes, it all goes. so with a sick stomach, and fires to put out tomorrow, and my face lit up like a Christmas tree and every other thing, I will try to sleep now.
I did for them what was done for me when I relapsed.
I am GRATEFUL,
that I was there and that I am here now.
nothing could ever make me want to, it is alien to me and so familiar I will go cry.
I remember it all, and it sucked.
someone was there to pick me up, and now I do the same for someone I love.
I can hold out my hand, but only they can take it.
I couldn't stop it any more than I could stop the tide.
it is up to them. I would hate to lose someone that I fought so hard for.
it is what it is.
and it fucken sucks mouldy ass.

9 comments:

Tempo said...

I hear you Shan... I hurts like hell when someone we love makes a bad decision, like you said, all one can do is be there for them and hoorah to you for that.. it takes courage and inner strength.

Adorabibble said...

I have never had this situation, being sober for so long and have some one else do it, usually it is me falling off the deep end.
thanks for the kind words Tempo.
I think I am strong enough for this, I have yet to check on them as today, and we will see what it will bring.
all I can do is put one foot in front of the other.
I made a promise 5 some odd years ago when I started this, be honest, do the best I can, and help when asked.
I am stressed by this as it hits close to home, and I love them. this is what must happen for me.
I only can hope for the best for all of us.
thanks for the support.

Argentum Vulgaris said...

Adora, hang in there girl. The world is a tough place and you know it. Hope they realise that it was a friend who was there. Despite how close to home it is, don't slide girl. I know it's hard (had friends do drugs) but you are on the right path, besides, if you slip... only my mother would visit my blogs.

AV

Argentum Vulgaris said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Adorabibble said...

AV, I really love you!
went and took them for a stress free day.
stopped stressing about the rest.
nothing could make me slip I just watched someone else just do it, it isn't worth it.
and your blogs are awesome, everyone should go and visit all of them!

Argentum Vulgaris said...

Thanks for removing the double up. I had a hang up in the posting process and guessed that would happen. I wasn't disappointed. Glad to hear that things are okay over there.

AV

Adorabibble said...

things are better than I thought, the person is taking this seriously and listening. I am proud of them.
I am still stress but with other things. it will all work it's self out. thanks for all the love everybody!

Beth said...

Your friend is lucky, very lucky, to have your friendship. It's sometimes a tough job to be a real friend. You're a good egg, Bib :)

Adorabibble said...

thanks for the kind words Beth, love ya!