Monday, July 12, 2010

My mother 2

mom wanted me to come over Sunday. I could not move.
she is mad at me and tried to bate me into getting upset.
she is so full of hate, it is astounding. no wonder she has had cancer 4 times.
she expects me to take up the slack. I can't.
not just because of the physical.
she has some one who gets paid to do it and they aren't there.
she has made it clear that, that is what she wants.
when I told her that I would help her as long as she would let me, I meant just that.
she hasn't called today, another one of her games.

My mother is a very selfish person, she always has been.
it has always been about her and her needs. even as a child.
when I broke off contact in January of 2006, I did so because she force me to choose me or her.
I still choose me.
I have some very hard stuff ahead of me with her.
I will do what I can and not what she wants.
I have nothing to lose with her as there was never anything there.
time passes and I forget how bad she is.
enough of that for now.

as to my friend with the addiction. I cornered him tonight.
we have a budget, and he did some of his home work.
he has been ducking me, the last couple of days.
we had a long talk tonight, and I gave him allot to think about and explained further what I wanted from him, and I learned more about how bad it is for him.
the addiction is about as much the habits and rituals as anything.
he wants it and I have hope for him.

it is what it is. and for now it is working.
tomorrow is a new day.
lots of self care for me!


Tempo said...

Your mum does sound difficult to handle, and maybe she's trying to guilt trip you into helping her beyond your capabilities. Good on you for standing up for yourself, you can only do what you can do without hurting yourself.
Glad to hear your friend is doing ok Shan.

Adorabibble said...

thanks Tempo.

Beth said...

fucking narcissitic mothers. I know, I've got one too. fucking sucks. Self-medicate with good humor and love from your friends.

Adorabibble said...

I will Beth! love you!