Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I am not really surprised at the amount of love, support and similar stories of pain in the ass relatives, esp mothers and such.

one of the big things that I felt back when I was using that I was all alone in the world.
I have found out that I am not only not alone, but I am loved more than I could ever hoped for in my whole life.

the further away I am from my blood family, and the closer I am to my real family, the better I do, the more stable I am, and the happier I am.

I was always so pissed off that I didn't have a family like those I saw around me and on TV.
being pissed off never let me close to good people and propelled me toward the bad people much like my family, and further towards misery.

being near my mother this last week has been like me taking a dose of poison.
I have had misery and hate in my heart, and as a result I have gotten really sick.

No wonder my mother has had cancer 4 times, thyroid, cervical, breast and lymphoma.

well I am done being poisoned, and done with the hate. time to heal.


Beth said...

Ha...mother's what brings us all together, mankind's commonality, as it were. I'm sure I'm foisting them all on my own daughter, too, hopefully not as intensely as all those mothers in the 60s and 70s, like my own, bless her fucking heart. Oh Bib. Bib. It's an effort, I know.

Beth said...

Bibby, check this out - my friend Bex wrote it.

Adorabibble said...

I heard the latest about your mom.
I love you, you are such a great person.

I will read Bex tomorrow. sounds really great!

Tempo said...

I'm so glad you still have a positive attitude Shan, thats so good for you and all those you love.