me and one of my guy friends went shopping for shoes Saturday, just getting out of the house, the handicap sticker, parking and the slow trudge to the mall, in and around people running me over as I travel FAT speed *very slow*. so we get to one of the shoe stores. why am I here? you may ask gentle reader... I am the procurer of the best deals, The "miracle"worker to my friends, some of my bad habits from my previous life are now used for the powers of good.
So silly guy needs shoes for new fancy job, and so he takes me for a drag through the mall.
So we go in as I had called 1/2 a dozen stores and checked on the internet, and settled on this one first with a back up close in the mall. I am always prepared, have to be when you are as fat and crazy as I am. (you can tell my stress level from how big my purse is when I go out, little purse, little stress, big purse.... RUN! meltdown in progress. which sucks cause I need someone for me and someone else for the purse.
not Saturday everything in my pockets, Traveling light and working in my element, the deal.
So these very nice very pretty boys wait on us. and no surprise I have the shortest hair cut of the 4 of us. a very metro vibe going on here, so my friend is ready to run. I love this store as they hire gay men, who always call me dear, and are busy color coordinating the purses and bags, and t shirts and shoes. both male and female of each which take up there perspective side of the store. So my friend is looking for Lugz as the have lasted him 4-5 years with some shoe goo, but not fancy dress shoes any more. (fancy for him is clean and color coordinated, he is so proud when he dresses himself and he matches. he is not a metro, a cave troll maybe.) fortunately for him I can hit second hand stores, and I know his size (Seamstress) and I hug him a lot, so I know what will and won't fit and I have color coordinated him in creams, soft yellow and khakis on the bottoms and for the dress shirts blues greens and yellow to cream, some solids, some plaids and pin stripes, and everything will go with everything. remember granimals, the kids line? where they had an animals that would match tops with bottoms, fool proof kind of thing. well that's what i have done for him.
so we are in the shoe store and he has a 11 E foot. so we are limited as to what he can wear, and he doesn't like his toes to be pinched, hey no prob, suck shoes not allowed. (being as heavy as I am I stick to crocs, or rics, or holeys, or burkies. owie feet suck)
so he is looking at a pair of butter colored suede shoes. NO!
it is winter and being that he takes the bus and still goes to school and does allot of walking OUTSIDE, that is a bad idea and explain it to him. cream pants got a stain have to wash and iron them, what will you have to do to the shoes, EVERYDAY?
he gets that light bulb look and we move on to a darker pair of doc martins, as the lugz in his size are sold out. so for 99.99 a pair of shoes with a warranty of some sort so maybe in 4 or 5 years when he has trashed them as long as he keeps his receipt they will send him a new pair, so really that brings it down 1/2 price in the long run and the look like a well made shoe, Except for the rubber sole color that reminds me of x-ray film. looks really weird, and it is ribbed, which by then the guys are making "for her pleasure"jokes. so I am still not sure about the shoe, so they show us timberlands. they are all shammy yellow well most of them and they are 130.00 a pair. so I ask so what comes with that price, a warranty? something good? NOPE, that's just for the name, nothing else but the shoe. Not missing a beat- I ask, so does that come with a blow job? is there hidden gold in it? NOPE, just the shoe. those freaky doc martins are looking, *fab-u-lous!* guess what ones he bought? the DM"S and he has a comfortable shoe, with a warranty.
Moral of the story? name don't mean squat except for those that profit off of it.
And it is fun to take cave trolls shopping to meet Metro's. I love all my friend so much.
What I want, my dream is a cute Boi that I can go shopping with, and watch men with and just do girl things. J, me and cave troll, we all go girl watching together, it is fun.
thanks for reading.